i wish i could write without my usual style so the seriously stupid stands out ...
i met Trouble three months ago. he was a non stalk talk tease but i knew he was trouble the way he would trade his words like a wicked wink .. beyond bar banterin. i didnt fuck him but we flirted back and forth for awhile.
when he heated how he wanted to be with me, i held back a bit.. honestly hesitant - quick click or clingy? i am particular (umm...picky). he didnt push, i didnt pull away.. he definitely piqued the part of my curiosity i cant control when theres excitement and edginess. i kept in contact at arm and harms length, likin that he lived less than few hours from home.
last month Trouble asked me if i would be around again to have a play day. at the time i was battlin with bullshit but i wanted to see him and scheduled a spare slot to grab a drink. in the end he couldnt commit when i could, we cancelled .. a blessin in disguise as i didnt need to deal with added drama.
last week Trouble told me he would be in town and would care for my cumpany. his continued charm convinced me i wuz indeed interested and i made myself available for sunday mornin. between busy weekend work, friends, family commitments i couldnt change, this is what we would have to hang out with him at his hotel. i wuz a happy and horny gal.
he kept me in the know for his arrival, the address where he wuz stayin and should i wanna spend the aftanoon to arrive asap. i already had said no, not til tomorrow. nine more messages to me slowly settled with ok sweetie, whatevah works. sounds stupid 'sweetie' wuz outta character of him to say.
followin morn not quite wide awake anotha message.. meetin me still? i wuz anxious too but almost annoyed - as if i say i will and i wont, why would i be a ditch bitch? but wow he cant wait for me which is pretty fab to feel, fuelin my hypah and horniness.
i showered and shoved two toys in a bag at his request, buncha batteries .. i fit what i found fun for us.. even somethin sexy to wear i could change into cuz i had to head out in a hurry just sportin a skirt, a tube top and a sweatah shell. i felt cutesy not cum worthy for someone with the wild side id seen - nice and naughty.
a 'do not disturb' sign wuz waitin on the door, i knocked and Trouble answered. even walkin in the elevator i wondered what am i doin here for a split second.. can i let loose with him or am i outta my league what hes lookin for, what will we do, will he like me more or less than before. my gut gave me a weak warnin, a twinge of tense muscles made my heart race.. it beat to the build up.
he wuz walkin with his shoes on which is weird to me when ya relax in ya room. wuz like meetin a newbody, nervous .. he hugged me and i held on like ok silly, what wuz i worried for .. fast forward.
we chatted casually as he innocently inspected me.. holdin my hair in his hands, pattin my face, pettin my form .. readin my reaction to see if i would say stop. bizarre behavior but felt good to be groped .. then he talked to me in the third person. i couldnt shake the sense somethin aint as it should.
albeit consentual i crossed my comfort zone by my own obstinance.. i can handle what happens, im here. i dont lie like look at me damsel in distress - i am disappointed and wuz distraught how a dumb decision coulda been a dangerous one.
he undressed me which aint unusual but him in boxers, not bare on the bed - nevah naked wuz. twice he kinda kissed me but my mouth didnt move much .. those times where ya bein kissed, not kissin. he would say lay this way, place and position me .. i felt like a dumb babydoll bein directed stead of participatin with my partna.
i cupped his cock but he eased from my grasp to go focus on fondlin, fingerin and lickin lots. i couldnt cum but came close.. a change for me. oral is the one and only good god guarantee orgasm. i toyed to reach a climax and closed my eyes cuz he would stare in a barely blink bothered me way.
afta all the awkwardness i admit i avoided a blowjob and he didnt ask actually - plus his cock stayed covered - really weird rite. nothin wuz natural .. the chemistry couldnt be coldah. i didnt wanna be there, tho i stayed .. stupid.
we did not fuck.
im gonna skip the sexual stomach and thought turnin events i ended up experiencin .. it is NOT about sex, i wuz stupid - seein signs but shruggin off these silent alarms til i felt sick about em.
the conversation wuz blurred lines of creepy. i am open but he ovahwhelmed me with ovah the top too many topics for a first fuck fling. maybe i am naive cuz nobody i fuck feels that free to tell me things .. so soon shocked me but even everythin else combined wuznt cool. i am learnin what i like.. i wuznt ready or with the right person to trust to talk about any of this in depth.
i didnt dress in leatha and lace, i looked like a very vanilla girl. granted top and tail exposed now with a tote of toys, lubes and condoms. blahhh my plan wuz pack for sexy surprises.
he made mention of master/slave, i should say a safeword, did i like pain .. givin an example of a girl into bdsm who begged to be bruised, belted by him. he laughed his hand hurt from a hundred smacks to her ass til she cried.. i cringed. i felt uptite, not threatened til he wanted all access to my booty but i said sorry spankin is limit. i shoulda said no gotta go.
a friend i fooled around with who became fascinated by blood and needles (none of which i would do) came to my mind for a minute so i shut up inexperienced, insecure, silent durin the discussion.. sorta speechless to separate from where i wuz sexually and mentally. i stood unsure of his intentions and intrigue with me on the spot.. i didnt wanna let him on to my vulnerability or give off the vibe imma willin victim. i listened and let him speak.
he rambled on bout restraints .. i wouldnt get tied up by anyone i dont trust to release me and really i wuz already feelin tied in knots. i memba in his message he told me if i wanted to try things i could bring em, like a blindfold. i didnt, i dont have one. at the text i thought cute cuz i pictured pleasure.. made me think kink.. the kind i love.
the straw that broke the cameltoes back - it doesnt matta the most made me sweat .. he wuz intermittently intense. it is like he long listed all his deepest fetishes and darkest fantasies for me, thankfully none he forced. when he mentioned what he wanted to do i did clam up. imma freaky lil female, i dont judge .. i just cant pretend i can act on those things that dont turn me on.
i looked at the clock, couple hours had passed and lied i had to get goin. he seemed sad. immediately outta view he sends me a message thanks for such "sweetness" .. i felt fake as fuck, - i hate insincerity yet i did smile on the outside but inside i wuz a sour puss.
i figure deep down i probly coulda predicted he outperved me .. if this woulda ended worse, idk what i would do. i try not to think too much and move on. i can count on one hand how many men i met who made me feel whorish for fuckin around a bit before i had the belles to bolt and this takes the creepy cake.
lata that day i drank on a deck, dazed and didnt say anythin to anyone, then i twisted my knee which is likely karma for keepin the twisted truth hidden.. its hard to admit actions we are ashamed of. i told one close friend so far (i cant exactly confide to family) but there are few i could fully disclose the details without feelin fucken dumb or disgusted. it aint authentic to who i am allowin a fun experience turned freaky to lock shock me in place.. im pretty honest how i feel to flee an unsexy scene.
i am smart, i got cum on sense .. i shoulda had the sense not to cum and just gtfo.
i didnt do anythin i really regret, not life or death, but id ratha forget this fuck evah existed and erase the memory from my mind. ive ignored any incomin from him which is childish-cowardly but i cant cope with confrontin him in case i make mattas worse whetha he questions or not nevah wantin to be near him. hopin he gets the hint and he aint said boo since i didnt reply rite afta.
"if i were a boy" i blogged bout, i didnt imagine if guys get in a sense 'scared' of girls the same way when she is somethin else than expected. it is alot to process the past when the present is waitin so i wont worry what i coulda, shoulda, woulda done differently.
holdin in is a habit i have and sharin a sucky situation is somethin im bloggin for MY benefit.
hope yall are havin a happy sunshine sexxxy summah. i promise a betta blog soon.
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