i dont wanna settle...unless i settle onto ya lap and sink into ya arms feelin ya warm breath on my neck while ya whispa sweet words or dirty thoughts...bout fuckin me.
i like bein single. who knew? i wuznt sure i would cuz ive jumped from one relationship to the next as the chronic lil girlfriend often stayin in em longah than i should cuz thats what i wuz good at...bein a girlfriend. i dont know whats considered "girlfriend" material...im pretty sure i fit most the specs but i wuz worn out and startin to fade like an old comfy sweatshirt. i needed somethin fresh and new.
took me a bit to realize i wuz in the wrong type of relationship that wuznt satisfyin my emotional and sexual needs to grow. i dont feel a strong urge to be datin...my friends dont really approve. i honestly dont give a fuck, i love em for wantin that for me, but i want em to understand they dont need to try and fill a void...i feel quite complete...just curious.
for me the worse part of datin is balancin someone elses insecurities...ya certainly cant erase em...ive tried. confidence cannot be forced or pulled from a person. imma nurturer by nature but its incredibly challengin to convince a boy hes wonderful when his last girl convinced him hes not. it would be easier trackin her down on foot in a blizzard and bitchslappin her than reverse the damage done to a persons self-esteem. i nevah understood bein cruel to someone ya love...or to anyone for that matta.
i dont feed into jealousy but i know for a fact i wouldnt like bein cheated on. i mite have trust issues if i had. im also not into drama so i avoid it...unless i start it, which usually i dont, unless im really mad, then i do. believe me imma loud lil girl when im pissed the fuck rite off. aint nuttin mini bout my tempa...spit fia feisty...but it dont last.
its hard to xplain to friends how ya can be happy single when theyre so happy not. i get people try and set me up which i humor but can get insulted by what they think i like. its not all bout a cute face, i need substance as well. certainly i can stare at a boy but if nuttin funny or intelligent is cummin outta his mouth ill pass afta awhile. im all bout positive tude towards people and life...that ranks high up there on qualities i search.
i dont have a type, itsa combo of traits. i do need to have a physical pull towards someone, to feel attracted to em. perhaps thats superficial but the first impression we usually get is seein the package, not the content...and its not bout a certain look, its bout how ya present and carry yaself. if ya upbeat, laughin...im watchin ya...i wanna know whats so funny!
i will notice eyes rite away (maybe to see if im bein glanced at too)...smiles next and that melts me. a smile displays warmth, kindness, happiness and i go absolute weak in the knees for a devilish smirk -- this tells me ya playful and hopefully naughtyyy. i like to be teased. if ya can dish it, i can take it...i can def serve back.
i like a guy that can pick me up even if its not for long, just so i can feel that off the floor thrill. he needs to be tallah than me...which is almost all guys ive met.
im not a crotch watcha so a bulge is not what grabs my attention tho i will wanna grab it at some point down the road...like not a random gropin, i mean if weve moved on to goin out.
i xamine hands closely, imaginin what it mite be like to be fingered or my ass squeezed...and speakin of ass...i check out every boys booty. i love a boy in jeans cuz i wanna slip my hand in his back pocket to cop a feel. i wont even go into deets how i mite secretly wanna seduce their caboose...it has crossed my mind.
im drawn to a boy who can make me smile effortlessly, who can captivate me with his eyes that i cant look away but when i get caught starin i sheepishly look down and blush, a boy who flashes a grin that wakes up the flutta buttaflies inside my belly.
i cant date anyone cuz i wanna date everyone. thats exaggerated but ive been places where ive seen more than one boy i could picture myself with and that pretty much tells me im not ready to be exclusive. i wanna ample sample whats out there.
i am totally that girl who will fall for a boy and not wanna say. im not a huge fan of how all of a sudden everyone has a vested interest...give him ya numbah...ask him out...hes got that 'it' vibe. im thinkin, really? ya can tell just by lookin him? i doubt that...just like i doubt ya can tell im dirty by checkin me out. i look fairly pure and innocent until ya know me betta. i wanna make those discoveries.
i wanna make my own decisions at my own pace. i dont wanna be rushed or pressured. my business is my business.
im also human, no one likes rejection or sayin theyre heartbroken. i can laugh disappointment off but im still disappointed, that happens - plenty of otha fish in the sea rite? itsa lame sayin which ive used to mask that blah feelin of not bein the rite bate for the boy i wanna hook up with.
imma happy girl. i get upset but generally im happy. im happy to be single to mingle. ive craved that lifestyle more than i thought and more than i thought i would enjoy. i am not closed off tho to the concept of commitment.
i will admit to missin what a partna means to me romantically. its all the small things that a casual acquaintance cant provide on a constant basis, or a toy cant express.
i wanna dance with my boy and rest my head against his chest as our bodies sway to the soft music.
i wanna be cradled outdoors as we watch a storm pass or cuddled near a fire undah a sprinklin of stars.
i wanna be wrapped in a blanket and held close as we eat a bowl of popcorn and laugh at a movie.
i wanna lay on my boys belly, my shirt open and feel his strong hands cross at the small of my back.
i wanna fall asleep on his lap and be carried to bed where he gently kisses me nites my sweet girl.
i will find it again, when the time is rite...just not rite now.
i listened 2 Alone Again (Alyssa Reid), Single Ladies (Beyonce), Under and Over It (FFDP) and more while bloggin.
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