Whenever he and I were in the presence of Females, the air would grow thick with tension. Always I’ve felt this underlying competitiveness that we had between one another. I could have never admitted this to him before, seeing as he was my best friend, but every time I’d think about our time together I’d be judging who got Tess’s number, or who got flapper girls attention. We had put on such an elaborate display of reverence and respect for one another that we had begun to neglect the distance growing between us, a void that I was tearing open so wide it would gape into eternity.
One day, after 6 months of ignorance, I silently and dangerously went against him, with all intention of keeping my deadly secret from ever touching him with its decrepit and poisonous finger tips. I had been possessed by a demon-like beast, a foul creature that ripped off my silver lining to reveal a rotting core. This brilliant and ornate lie, unannounced to anyone else, was slowly mending my soul. A wondrous creature, that required sin to capture, was healing me. But I must have been too far gone to feel it. I was decomposing. Only now can I remember the connection, the genius common sense that our words evoked in each other, and the laughter that echoed through the studio rooms.
I have forgotten my name. I have forgotten all names because my lie was inescapable, but I am writing to find myself. His feelings towards me, in my eyes, seemed condescending at times, but I did felt that brotherly compassion. I looked up to him in some cases, but I did what I believed. He made me feel like the shallow hole we sat in together may have been the world, but kings are not born so soon, kings do not stand back to back. I have felt that little distance and now it has stretched into an abyss that has erased all memory of the close quarters we had. My lie has spun a web into my brain so dense I cannot see past it. My tangled up spider web has caught me, while my mindless unknown prey scurry to escape.
Now in the confusion of this incident, people are lost. Losing her made the air thin out, and losing him made the sun go down and touch the earth, setting it ablaze. These losses have left me with nothing but my own monsters that are gashing at my insides and gushing with disgusting accusations. They scream at me and I scream back. And now I stand here caught red handed by myself, as if I stole my own bonds. I am now lost, possibly loving, reading my own lines, and definitely screaming. I am screaming, I am screaming. I am screaming.