I broke up with someone this week, the first person I have allowed into my life ‘romantically’ for about two years. It lasted two months. Ha! I haven‘t bothered really dating anyone in about two years. I’ve ’seen’ guys and I’ve certainly had sex with guys but as for boyfriends I see it as pointless because no one measures up to my beautiful boy. The one who’s smile brightened my world, who’s face still makes me smile. The boy who loved me for everything I am not because he has the girl who looks like Eva Longoria on his arm. Who I never wanted to change, and who would never want to change a single thing about me. ( I can’t be arsed to explain the ending, it was no ones fault though)
I don’t expect to have romance like we had, or to have acceptance and love like we did. However I didn’t realise that ‘fat bitch’ was thought of as romantic these days. I should have realised that the ‘relationship’ was doomed from the fact that as soon as I was his girlfriend he told me to stop smoking, cue me chewing gum a lot and hiding my marlboro lights because fuck was I actually going to quit, I’m quite the fan of a marlboro light you see. He told me if I had a joint he would never see me again. Complete double standard as him and his friends are allowed to take drugs just I am not. I was also informed not to wear make up, get drunk as drunk girls are vile and his girlfriend would have more class than that,. Apparently this boy wants me to be Donna freaking Reed? Asking him do you want a blow job and a cake darling?
Daily I was told not to swear, that I was a fat and should loose some weight if I wanted him to stay with me. Basically my self esteem crumbled and I stayed with him feeling being with him was better than being on my own. This ridiculous behaviour of mine lasted a couple of weeks and then I ran my mouth as I do and told him to go and fuck himself asked him why he seemed to think he was James Dean lit a cigarette and told him I didn’t want to see him again.
Right I think I’m done, I feel that was therapeutic.
If you can shed any light on why guys are such dickheads and feel the need to be so controlling, please do.
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