My dad was obviously the strongest male influence when I was younger, and we had a good relationship until he and my mom divorced around the same time that I was making the transition from high school to college. My dad and I are estranged now and haven't spoken since 2007, and I still can't be certain what happened. During college summers, I lived with my dad for the first two years and my mom for the third year. After I graduated, I moved in with my mom until I moved to Maryland to start my teaching career. I have always felt that I tried to split my time as equally as possible, but after I moved to Maryland, my dad and I talked increasingly less. When we did talk, we had forced, awkward phone conversations that lasted 10 minutes. He told me that I didn't call home enough, which I know is a common parental complaint, but the effort I was making to communicate wasn't being reciprocated. I felt so frustrated when my dad's new wife told me in a letter that I was selfish and had always taken my mother's side, and that's about the time when I stopped making the effort. I was pushed away, and the same thing is happening to my brother. I don't know if it's because my dad doesn't approve of Mr._C. or my brother's girlfriend. Mr._C. has always felt like my dad thinks he's not good enough for me. And my brother's girlfriend has a little girl from a previous relationship. Maybe our relationship was destined to fall apart after my parents' divorce. It seems like my dad forgot that he had an old life once he got remarried. He had a son with his second wife, and it seems like he wants to have his new life and forget about his old one. He was a good dad when I was a kid, and I never felt unloved, but I can't say that I've had a dad in my adult life. It's hard for me to go to friends' weddings and watch them dance with their fathers knowing that my dad isn't in my life anymore, but I'm lucky to have gotten the foundation I needed when I was younger so that I can deal with these emotions as an adult. Even though we're estranged, he's a good dad.
On a more positive note, I'll probably always remember my first kiss, but that kiss wasn't the best one of my life. The best kiss I ever had was with a male friend, a guy I'll call S, back in college. I hadn't even had a crush on him, even though I do think S is an attractive guy. He's Irish with dark eyes and black hair, but he has a white shock - a streak - right in the front. He wore glasses and looked distinguished, even back then. He is incredibly smart and creative - the brooding type. He smoked clove cigarettes and has already published a novel. I can't pinpoint what made the kiss so good. We were hanging out at the bar in a restaurant in town having a drink, and he stood up to go use the bathroom, but before S walked away, he just kissed me - this surprising, very mature, smoldering kiss that literally left me breathless. My mind went blank, and I remember feeling like I was floating or like I was in a dream. There was only one thing I could think afterward - wow. If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can still remember a little. I don't know why he kissed me or if he remembers doing it now because this kiss came completely out of left field. There was no indication that S liked me or anything like that, and we never dated or even so much as kissed again. I have no idea, but that kiss is the one I'll remember on my death bed. I wonder if S ever thinks about that.
Obviously, Mr._C. is the main man in my life. Check out this blog entry in which I actually rate various aspects of our relationship. Overall, we have a good and happy relationship with a foundation of communication. We've had a few bad years financially and have fallen into a rut, so there is definitely room for improvement when it comes to our overall happiness and level of success, but we have our whole life together to work on that stuff. He'll be the father of my children. We have a lot in common as well as separate interests. We have a lot of the same goals and political ideals and religious beliefs. We're supporting each other through tough times, so I know that being together during better times will be great when we're more financially stable and have really started to create a life together. I want to have something to show for the time we've spent together. We both want our own place again, we want to get married our way, and we want to start a family. We may not be the most sexually compatible at times, and our sex life is probably something we'll always have to make a priority, which certainly can be frustrating, but we're definitely a good team and enjoy each other's company, and (while I can't say that I wouldn't like us to have a more active sex life) there's more to a successful relationship than just sex.
Before I met Mr._C. online, I had a tendency to develop feelings for my male friends. My second boyfriend, a guy I'll call J, started as a friend, and I had actually dated J's best friend first. J and I worked together at Burger King when I was in high school, and while I was dating J's best friend, I started talking to J more about my relationship with his best friend and ended up eventually falling for him. I broke up with J's best friend, and J and I dated for about six months. I learned at least two things from that relationship. First, I learned never again to confide in male friends when it comes to my relationships. I know now that I shouldn't have done this with J. He was supportive and a good friend, but I was too personal with him and opened the door that allowed J and I to become emotionally closer and caused me to fall for him. I was the reason why J and his best friend had a falling out. They weren't friends for a long time and have reconnected since we knew each other, which I'm very happy to know. I'll try never to come between friends ever again and am glad I no longer have to feel guilty about their friendship ending. The second thing I learned was that getting back together after breaking up is a bad idea because there's a reason why you broke up in the first place. J had joined the Navy after high school and was away from home quite a bit for boot camp and school and stuff like that. I guess I would say that J was my first love because I felt a hollowness inside me every time he left home again. I had dated J's best friend, but I had never felt the way I felt about J before. I could also call it puppy love. I love Mr._C., but the way I felt about J was different. I think it was still love though. Anyway, J broke up with me before coming home for Christmas. While he was home, we got back together, but he broke up with me again shortly after leaving home again. We had been back together for only a couple of weeks. I've never re-dated anyone else, and I learned that lesson from J.
When I was in college, I had a huge crush on another male friend - another J. I had a crush on him for about two years, but nothing ever happened between us romantically. I was attracted to J regardless, but I found his talent sexy, and it drew me to him. He writes and makes music and is an actor, and it was easy to become emotionally very close when we lived in the same dorm back in college. We used to be attached at the hip when we weren't in class, and people expected to see us together. I loved hanging out in his dorm room with him at the computer reading to me from stories he had written or listening to his music. Once I went to England to study abroad and graduated from college, we did grow apart. I moved to Maryland, which didn't help either. We're definitely still friends and try to see each other when I'm in the Allentown area, but I don't bring up J around Mr._C. because that's a sore spot for him. When I first started talking to Mr._C. online, he heard all about my feelings for J and knows how strong my feelings were back then, but once Mr._C. and I started dating, talking about J was awkward for me, so I avoid it. J and I most recently went to the movies and saw Man of Steel, but I never told Mr._C. about that. I don't want him to feel jealous or threatened because J isn't a threat to our relationship. I think I still have a crush on J to some degree, and I probably always will. We spent a lot of time together and have a lot of shared memories. I hope we never stop being friends.
Finally, I want to mention a male friend who has always been able to make me feel better with his hugs. I've mentioned M before. He's the friend Mr._C. and I went to see in New York this past year. I wrote about that trip in this blog entry. I didn't smoke pot when I was in college, but I do now, and when Mr._C. and I went to New York to see M, I finally got to smoke pot with him for the first time. I was never really interested in dating M, but he always made me feel special. We did fool around just once when we were in college, but I always knew I wasn't M's type. He had a type, and he never seemed to date anyone too far outside it. We never became romantically involved, but I would definitely miss him if he wasn't in my life. We had a very affectionate friendship, and his hugs can make the world better. M hugs you with his whole being. Back in college, I loved having M to nap with between classes and crashing in his room after an early morning shift at the front desk if I didn't want to walk up three flights of stairs. He's another friend I hope never to lose.
These six men are among the most influential in my life. There are other men whose friendship and guidance - and physical attributes - I value, of course, and this is a short list, but in my 30 years, men have taught me a lot of valuable lessons and given me plenty of reasons to appreciate the opposite sex.
2 Comments On This Entry
SexForums Exclusive Reviews.
Adam & Eve X-10 Anal Beads. Sex toy jar of horrors!
Double Penetrator Cockring. Featured in my VIP thread! Sex toy jar of horrors!
So Real 6" Realistic Dildo. Featured in my VIP thread! Sex toy jar of horrors!
Moist Free Personal Lubricant and Playtex Fresh + Sexy Before & After Intimate Wipes. Featured in my VIP thread!
Glo Vibrating Pop Plug. Sex toy jar of horrors!
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Anal Fantasy Collection Elite Vibro Balls.
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Pure Aluminium Medium Pink Vibrator.
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Glow-in-the-Dark Clone-A-Willy Vibrating Dildo Kit.
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Hydra Plant Cellulose Personal Lubricant.
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Silicone Handmaiden G-Spot Seeker.
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Sqweel.
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Slick Sensations Desensitizing Anal Lube.
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Little Cocky.
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Kink Academy.
My Blog Links
- Miss_C. on Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Glow-in-the-Dark Clone-A-Willy Vibrating Dildo Kit.
- gonewild on Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Glow-in-the-Dark Clone-A-Willy Vibrating Dildo Kit.
- Miss_C. on Welcome, new members!
- Sinnocent on Welcome, new members!
- Miss_C. on Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Metal Worx Magnetic Nipple Clamps.
- gonewild on Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Metal Worx Magnetic Nipple Clamps.
- Miss_C. on Welcome, new members!
- Miss_C. on Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Metal Worx Magnetic Nipple Clamps.
- ayeright on Welcome, new members!
- susieQute on Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers: Metal Worx Magnetic Nipple Clamps.
- ABS plastic
- Adam & Eve
- Adam & Eve Crystal Bang Bang Cock Ring
- Adam & Eve X-10 Anal Beads
- Aletta Ocean
- anal beads
- anal penetration
- anal sex
- anal sex lubes
- anal sex toys
- Anastasia Steele
- Ben Wa Balls
- birthday sex
- body paint
- bucket list
- bullet vibrator
- Christian Grey
- clit vibrators
- Clone-A-Willy Kit
- cock rings
- comfort sex
- Composing erotica 101.
- Crawling In The Dark
- Crazy Love
- Dark Chocolate Raspberry
- Days Inn
- dildo sex toys
- Doc Johnson
- Don Wands Pink Deluxe Rocket Glass Dildo
- double penetration
- Double Penetrator Cockring
- Duotone balls
- E. L. James
- Empire Labs
- erotic romance
- Extreme Restraints
- Fetish Fantasy Series Fantasy Web Bed Restraint System
- Fifty Shades Darker
- Fifty Shades Freed
- Fifty Shades of Grey
- first date
- Fourth of July
- Freshman badge
- glass and steel dildos
- Glo Vibrating Pop Plug
- Good samaritans.
- Hitachi Magic Wand
- Hold On
- hybrid lube
- Hydra Plant Cellulose Personal Lubricant
- Icicles No. 14
- Independence Day
- informational guide
- January 1
- Jesse Jane Playful
- Jon Stewart
- Kama Sutra
- Kink Academy
- kinky bondage toys
- LELO LUNA Beads Mini
- Lick It Vibrator
- Liquid Silk Personal Lubricant
- Little Cocky
- losing virginity
- Lover's Body Paint
- male masturbator
- manual stimulation
- Memorial Day
- menstrual cup
- Michael Buble
- Moist Free Personal Lubricant
- new members
- New Year's Eve
- New Year's resolutions
- New York City
- njoy Pure Wand
- Only Girl (In The World)
- oral sex
- ordered in April
- Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire
- phone sex
- Playtex Fresh + Sexy Before & After Intimate Wipes
- Playtime Boutique
- Playtime Closet
- Pleasure Bullet
- rabbit vibrators
- Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear
- Red Roof Inn
- sex toy
- Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers
- sex toys
- Sex toys 101.
- Silicone Handmaiden G-Spot Seeker
- Slick Sensations Desensitizing Anal Lube
- So Real 6" Realistic Dildo
- song lyrics
- Sqweel 2
- Stephen Colbert
- tongue vibrator
- Trinity Jane
- unique vibrators
- vaginal penetration
- vaginal sex
- vibrating anal toys
- vibrating sex toys
- water-based sex lubes
- Web site
- Wet Platinum
- xeste the mispeller loll
Search My Blog
Miss_C.'s Other Reviews.
Impressions: FSoG Book Trilogy.
Impressions: "Fifty Shades of Grey" by E. L. James (Part 2).
Impressions: "Fifty Shades of Grey" by E. L. James (Part 3).
Impressions: "Fifty Shades Darker" by E. L. James (Part 1).
Impressions: "Fifty Shades Darker" by E. L. James (Part 2).
Impressions: "Fifty Shades Freed" by E. L. James (Part 1).
Impressions: "Fifty Shades Freed" by E. L. James (Part 2).
Sex Toy Reviews for Experimental Fuckers.
Fetish Fantasy Series Fantasy Web Bed Restraint System.
Hydra Plant Cellulose Personal Lubricant. Poll! Featured in my VIP thread!
Sqweel. Featured in my VIP thread!
Metal Worx Magnetic Nipple Clamps.
Silicone Handmaiden G-Spot Seeker.
Slick Sensations Desensitizing Anal Lube.
Glow-in-the-Dark Clone-A-Willy Vibrating Dildo Kit.
Icicles No. 14. Featured in my VIP thread!
Dark Chocolate Raspberry Lover's Body Paint.
Pure Aluminium Medium Pink Vibrator.
Anal Fantasy Collection Elite Vibro Balls.
Happy Rabbit G-Spot and Realistic Rabbit Vibrators.
njoy Pure Wand. Featured in my VIP thread!
LELO LUNA Beads Mini.
Don Wands Pink Deluxe Rocket Glass Dildo. Featured in my VIP thread!
Liquid Silk Personal Lubricant. Poll! Featured in my VIP thread!
[COMING SOON]Bedded Bliss: A Couple's Guide to Lust Ever After.
[COMING SOON]LELO Insignia ORA.
[COMING SOON]LELO Insignia HULA Beads.
[COMING SOON]Tantus Meteorite.
[COMING SOON]Tantus Plunge Paddle.
[COMING SOON]Crystal Delights Crystal Twist Color Dildo.