I feel like I have the plague. We lie in bed together each waiting for the other to make a move. I don't want to make the move all the time. I want him to want me. I want him to take me like he wants me. I want that passion and fire that we had together before this all started. I want him to forget that I have ever been with anyone else.
Our relationship hasn't been the same since we experimented. I don't know if it will ever be close to it. It would be easy to call it quits. Too easy. He'd let me go. But where would I go? I can't break up our family just because we are physically awkward. But all of those cute, quirky things that I liked about him when we met? I hate now. I don't work out of the home, so I do my best to work hard at home. He doesn't have to do any yard maintenance, house chores, cooking, cleaning. I do it all. Truth be told, I like doing it, and I am too OCD to let anyone else do it. Sure, he'd pitch in if I asked. Or he volunteers. He said he would clean up the kitchen for me. I thought AWESOME!!! He got to it 2 hours later. Late. So that by the time he was done, I was tired of waiting up for him and any chance that we could have had to be intimate? Gone.
It's changed. And I don't know what our future is.