Truth be told, I know in my heart I don't love him anymore. But what I'm even more sure of is that I haven't loved him for a long time. If I did, it wouldn't have been so easy for me to fall in love with someone else. The resulting heartbreak of that short-live experience stings to this day. I feel like the brutal honesty that I had with my husband in that situation was wasted. I was open and honest with him through the whole thing, yet when the tides turned, and the lies started from others who were completely uninvovled, he didn't defend me. When I was called names, he didn't support me. When I was ostracized and called a whore, he let them say it. Sure, at home, he comforted me. But he didn't make an effort to defend me. And it wasn't the first time.
I am very tired of fighting with him. Of him telling me he wants to work on "us", yet he can't bring himself to touch me. Or set up a date with me. I can try to fall in love with him again, but it's so obvious to me that he isn't going to make a real effort. I don't think that he feels I am worth fighting for.