I’m not ready to love him. I still think about how he left me. I still think about how he wasn’t the only one who deserted me like that. It’s so hard giving myself to someone so completely while fearing they cant possibly understand the hesitation and doubt I have.
Constantly professing his wants and desires. Detailing how he’d want to love me, hold me, touch me. It sets my body afire and my arousal is apparent. I cross my legs to soothe the ache and take deep breaths. Slowly rising to my peak, heart racing. I don’t deny that he can turn me on with a few simple words.
I’m growing apart. I don’t know how to tell him I cant anymore. I don’t want to anymore. It’s so much easier to let go now than to get hurt later. This time could be different. He promised he’d never hurt me again. Leaving him would break him and I don’t know how to make it easier. I don’t want to be unfair but I cant keep leading him on.
How do I say I don’t love you?
P.S. We’re done. I ruined it. In the one day I wrote this fate intervened and did the work for me. I’m not sure how I feel. I’m saddened by the way that it happened but a sense of relief from the pressure has been lifted. He hasn't left me but I can tell he wants nothing to do with me. It's a much worse feeling than having him go again.