It's not really something I spend a lot of time on. If I find it some day, that's great, but I'm not going to require it to be happy. People fall in an out of love all the time, right?
I have this friend, who I probably shouldn't just refer to as a friend, because well, sometimes I think he loves me deeper and more unconditionally than any man I've ever met. There are times when I think I love him too, but I have a million and one reasons why it wont work, why it isn't a good idea. I have both our best interests at heart why I try and persuade him that he can do better, that it'll never work, that he doesn't know what he's talking about. He knows this and tells me he loves me regardless of whether I love him back. We can't even have a proper argument because he thinks my glares are cute, it really is infuriating at times.
I've gone and pointed out all my flaws and listed everything about my personality that doesn't blend well with his and asked why he likes me. If I'm this, this, and this, why do you like me? He replied because it's natural, like breathing air.
I believe love to just chemicals in your brain. He thinks its something metaphysical that science can't explain. We crossed upon this topic in our last argument. He has this idea that he could improve my life by infusing love and happiness. But I'm not unhappy. With as much as he likes my intelligence, he should know that I'm intelligent enough to not require something as fickle as love to be happy. People fall out of love all the time, I want something more stable to pin my happiness on.
"The people that fall out of love," he says, "don't understand it, what real love is." And while this sounds like a line Ewan McGregor might declare in Moulin Rouge, part of me can't help but wonder if he's right. "I feel like you just never knew it so you don't know how good it can be," he says. I wanted to be spiteful when he said that. I wanted to ask in a venomous tone, "and you would know how good it can be?" But I reminded myself not to ask questions unless you're sure you can handle the answer. I'm not sure I want to know the answer.
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