January 27, 2010
I lay, my chest rising and falling evenly, settled in the crook of your arm. My head rests on your shoulder, my hair fanning out across the white pillow. A soft sheen of sweat covers my chest, causing the light to cast a gleam on my skin. I feel the room start to cool against my skin, raising little bumps of goose flesh in its wake. I look up at your face through lazy eyes, a slow smile spreading across my lips. In profile I study your face, the handsome lines I know so well. Your eyes slowly open as you feel me watching you. I sit up slightly and look into the startling blue depths, and you grin at me in that way that you have. I think back on a few hours earlier, and my heartbeat immediately starts to crescendo again.
I sat in my car, cutting the ignition. Your voice continues to filter through the speakers, and I quickly turn the volume down sheepishly. Imagine being caught listening to you! I watch a few flakes of snow as they land on the wind shield and melt. My fingers fumble for my phone, hitting the send button to call you back. You had called me a few times on the long drive, checking that I was really coming, I suspect. Pretending to be concerned about me getting lost, making sure that I was managing to beat the snowstorm. You pick up on the first ring.
"Hey! Are you here?" Your voice is quietly excited.
"Yes, I parked out front, by the office." I force false bravado into my voice, my hands are shaking. I wipe them nervously on my jeans. My skin feels hot, my heart rate is picking up its pace at the mere thought of what is going to happen. It had been that way the whole time while I drove. I really don't know what I'm doing here.
"I'm coming right down to get you!" I hear your shuffle as if you were laying or sitting down. I hear music in the background, growing quieter, then the sound of you locking a door. Your feet padding quickly down a flight of stairs. I swallow hard, it feels as if there's suddenly not enough air.
Then you're there in the light of the double doors. My heart flies to my throat, the pounding beats seem to be climbing into my head. I nervously grab up my purse and small overnight bag, when I open the door the overhead light flicks on, and I see you scanning the lot and resting on me.
"There you are." You say into the phone, and I look up to see you wave. You're wearing a red and black flannel buttoned up tightly with loose fitting jeans. The snow is falling steadily now, and I notice how it sticks to the tips of your fair hair. You keep the phone to your ear as you walk towards me, and I think how stupid we look then. I quickly drop mine into my purse after ending the call, and smile at you as if I am completely at ease.
You reach me by the time I lock up, and then your arm is around my neck.
"You really came." You say, pulling me close.
"I did." I laugh feebly, my heart thundering in my ears.
We stand there awkwardly for a moment, and you release me to shove both hands into the pockets of your jeans.
"It's cold, lets get inside." You say, and I hear you as if you're a thousand miles away. Inside. It's going to happen. You are going to fuck me tonight, after wanting and holding back for over a year, you were going to have me. I was irrevocably yours just seconds after I made the realization. It was stupid to deny it for so long.
When we reach the door, you open it for me before placing your arm across my back to guide me up the stairs. At the door to your room, you pause to look at me. You're smiling, all the way into your eyes. I smile back as we stand there goofily, knowing we're about to walk into something that will change everything. As if silently making a decision, I nod to you. You were giving me another chance to walk away. Instead, I watch you unlock the door. You swing it wide and allow me to enter first.
It's more like a small apartment than a hotel room. You have coffee brewing in the small kitchenette. Your dress shirt and slacks are hanging across a chair. Your laptop sits open on the desk, soft music playing. I don't recognize it, but it's lovely. I envision you sitting there, as you must have been a few hours earlier when you were talking to me online. I cross into the room, and my eyes fall immediately to the big bed. It looms at me, inviting me with it's many pillows and plush white comforter, and I feel weak with sudden lust.
I feel your hand on my arm. You pull me into you, your arms coming around me from behind. I guess a more accurate description would be that I fell into you. No, melted. Without any effort on your part. "We're here. Alone." you say, your voice deep and husky. "With a bed." You end with a chuckle, your chest rumbling against my back.
"A bed, imagine that!" I laugh with you. Some small talk ensues, but I can't remember a word of it now. I'm not sure I ever really heard you, I was too lost in my thoughts. Wanting you. The craving begging to be satiated once and for all. It became too much for both of us after a few moments. You read my mind and pulled me around to face you, slowly cocking your head towards my face. That's all the invitation that I needed, I closed the distance to kiss you. When our lips touched I felt as if a fire was ignited deep inside of me, to my core. My knees weakened, my back curving as my body fought to become closer to yours instinctively.
Then we're kissing in a maddening haze of passion. Your hands run up and down my body, leaving a trail of burning desire in their wake. I groan into your mouth, our tongues dancing in a ritual as old as time. You taste of tea and indescribable passion, your mouth warm and slick against my own. It's a taste I have since come to associate with you. We're moving, our bodies never parting. You fall back onto the edge of the bed, and I come with you. You stay sitting, and my legs automatically wrap around your waist. You kiss my chest, my neck, my shoulders. All I can do is let my head loll back and enjoy the feel of your soft lips against my skin. You kiss the sensitive area that is left exposed, your tongue flicking out to caress. I feel moisture pooling between my legs. My hands find their way into your soft hair, running across the back of your neck to grasp the longer tendrils on top. You lift my shirt, my limp body following along to do your bidding, raising my arms and allowing you to pull my shirt over my head. You toss it away, your face buried in my neck now. You move to my ear, your hands in my hair, you kiss me again. Both hands on the side of my face, you kiss me in such a way that I feel faint. I grab for your body, my hands grasping at your shirt. I start to undo the buttons, needing to feel your skin against mine.
I pull away from you, to stand in front of the bed. Our knees continue to touch, but I push you back. I crawl over you slightly to finish unbuttoning your shirt, then I push it apart to run my hands up your chest and back down over you stomach. One hand stops at the button of your jeans, and I deftly maneuver them open. You're very hard, straining to be released. Before doing so, you sit back up with me to remove my own pants, and in a moment of bravery I spin around to sashay about of them, bending over in my lace panties in front of you. You moan, a throaty sound that vibrates out of your chest as if you're in pain. Feeling heady with my own desire and the evidence of yours, I go to my knees. I pull your pants from your hips, just enough to release your throbbing erection into my waiting embrace. I grasp it in my hands, feeling it pulse and throb. I look up at you, your eyes smoldering back at me, and I run my tongue seductively from the base to the tip. Your eyes close, and I do it again. Your hands are in my hair again then, and as I wrap my mouth around you, I feel them tighten against my scalp. You taste so good, salty and warm, a sweetness that screams of your desire. I take you deeply into my mouth, allowing my warm saliva to coat you. I am so turned on now, I feel as if i'm going to die with the power of it. I need you. You seem to be able to read my mind, you pull me up off of the floor. We stand again, together. Your hardness presses against me as you kiss me. We help eachother finish undressing, but by the time i'm down to just a bra, there is no waiting anymore. We're back on the bed, our bodies writhing together. I feel you against my waiting mound, and I allow myself to slide my wet juices across your cock. It's the moment, it's about to happen. I could have hopped on right then, taken you, had my way with you. But this is what we'd talked about before. "Let me... get... something..." you stammer, and I reluctantly let you back up off of the bed. While you go to retrieve a condom, I pull back the covers and climb into the bed, leaving them off of me. I wait as patiently as possible. I curse myself silently for not being on the pill. I watch you open the package, your fingers fumbling with the foil. I smile seductively at you, a vixen waiting to show you how very much I want you. You start to walk back towards the bed as you roll the condom onto yourself, and I feel so powerful knowing how badly you want me. I go to sit up, but you crawl over me, pushing me back into the bed.
I look up at you, you look down at me. I panic inside. You crawl in between my legs as they open for you, and I feel as if I want to cry. Your eyes never leave mine as you settle yourself on your elbows above me. You kiss my forehead, then my nose. You pull the blankets up around us, cocooning us in warmth, and I bury my face into your shoulder, not wanting you to read the emotions on my face. "What?" You ask, you life a hand to run it lightly across the side of my face, pushing my hair back, worry edging into your voice.
"Nothing..." I mumble against your collarbone.
"Look at me." you say, as I feel your cock settle against my wet folds.
I fall back against the pillow, forcing my face into one of composure. Your eyes bore into mine. I can see every fleck of color, every single hair of your eyelashes. You're not going to fuck me. You're going to make love to me. And I want to cry. The power of what I read in your eyes shakes me, and if I was to cry tears then, they'd be tears of happiness. I'm scared, but not because of what is going to happen. Because of what I feel. You wait, just watching my face. I'm not sure how much time passed. Occasionally you'd brush your nose against mine. Our foreheads touch, our lips just a breathe apart. You push against me, and my body welcomes you. I open up to allow you access, and we come together. You slip inside of me, and my world shifts. You bury yourself into me, then you stop and kiss me. Your arms shake, and you allow yourself to fall against me slightly as you gently thrust again. I have never felt so much pleasure from penetration before. You're touching me everywhere with each movement, sending shivers of delight to every pore of my skin. I wrap my arms around your neck, pulling you close to me. My face tucks into you, and I direct my breathe towards your ear. The pleasure is unbearable, finally having you so close. It's exactly what I'd wanted for over a year. Within seconds our breathing is unbearable, as if we're fighting for every ounce of oxygen in the room. You take it slow, loving me with a tender passion I didn't know you possessed. I begin to cry out, the exquisite feelings taking me by surprise. I can feel myself building up towards an orgasm, and i'm astonished at how fast my body managed to get there.
Time. It's an incredible thing. I'm not sure how long we stayed there like that, enjoying the new sensations. Finding out how well we fit. It felt like it only lasted a few seconds, but it must have been an hour. I could feel every inch of you caressing me from the inside. You had me at the peak, with your slow and leisurely love. It felt as if we had all the time on earth, the rest of the world no longer existed. I swayed there at the top, unable to dive just yet. It was exquisite, and if I could convey that to you now, I would. Soon though, you stopped for a moment just to kiss me, our ragged breathes swooshing out of our bodies. You breathed into me, I breathed into you. For minutes, you just kissed me, and though I wanted more than anything for you to continue loving me, this was enough. I could have done it all night. Whether you had to do this because you yourself were losing control, I'll never know. But then your mouth moves from my mouth to my neck, you plant a light kiss on the soft skin beneath my ear, and then you speak softly.
"I need water." you croak.
I laugh abruptly, never expecting those words. I want to clap a hand over my mouth, it wasn't the right moment to laugh. Then we're both laughing against each others lips, we're kissing and laughing, our bodies still joined together. I should have known it'd be that way with you, you make me laugh at least every 30 seconds, after all. The laughing causes you to move inside of me, and as if you can't help it, you push yourself deep, resting inside of me.
"Go on" I manage to say once I can form control of my words again. You slowly slip out of me like it's impossible to do, and I watch you in all your naked glory as you stroll towards the sink. I feel as if I'm floating on air as I watch you fill a glass from the tap. You stay there by the sink, looking back at me. You're completely naked with your throbbing erection jutting out at me impressively, and you stand there a moment, just sipping your water.
"C'mere." You demand after a moment. And I panic. Being naked in front of you is a new experience for me, and I feel safer in the bed with the sheets tangled around me.
"I'm not thirsty." I say stupidly, pulling a sheet up to hug my body.
"C'mere!" You repeat, your smile bursting wide. I take a deep breath and force myself out of the bed, my heart pounds faster with every step that I take towards you. Your eyes never leave me. Suddenly, I no longer feel self conscious.
I come to stand beside you as you refill the glass again. I can feel the heat radiating from your body. You hold the glass towards my lips, an expectant smile playing at your mouth. It's like you're holding back a laugh, one corner twitching up before falling back down into a straight line. I part my lips, my tongue flicking out to rub across them without me being aware. You take a step closer so you're standing to my side, the side of my hip tucks in against your pelvis and again your cock is pressing against me, straining in its eagerness. You watch my face as you raise the glass to my lips before tipping it very slowly, watching intently as you allow a sip of water to flow between my lips. As I swallow you seem to mimic the movement with your own mouth, your eyes growing heavy with desire. I lick my lips again, and yours follow as if mirroring me. Again, you slowly raise the tiny glass, allowing it to rest against my lower lip. I feel your other hand caress across my soft ass, in a slow circle and up to the hollow of my back as again you carefully give me another drink of water, your eyes following every slight movement of my face.
Suddenly, in one quick movement you lower the glass and twist my body until i'm in front of you. I hear the glass clink against the countertop as you set it down, and then you're pushing me forward over the counter, lifting your hands under my ass cheeks and slamming into me so swiftly and effortlessly. I gasp, my head falling forward as I grasp the edge of the counter for support. It's as if we're meant to fit perfectly together, our bodies joining like two puzzle pieces. On hand lightly trails down my spin as the other grasps my hip. Your soft hands roam all over my back and ass as you admire the sight before you, me bent over for you, welcoming you. You begin to pump faster then, and I can't hold back the squeals of delight. I'm not sure how attractive the sounds are, they may have sounded more like pain than pleasure. It was pleasure bordering on pain in its intensity.
I could feel my orgasm pick up right where it had left off, ripe and ready, just dangling on the edge. Suddenly your hands move to my hips, grasping them tightly, pulling me into you as hard as possible with each thrust. This is the fucking I was waiting for, the fucking I needed. I whimper, trying to keep my voice down, knowing you'd be unceremoniously terminated for having a girl in your room if anyone complained. I can't help it, I start to cry out to you. Disjointed, broken words. "Fuck me!" "Oh... fuck... me." you know, that sort of thing. My mind whirls, my body is suspended. I feel like a puppet with cut strings, I suddenly have no weight to my limbs, if I wasn't holding onto something for support, I would have fallen. I know what I need, and I unclasp one of my hands from its death grip against the counter to move between my legs. I begin to rub my hard clit in a slow circle as you fuck me. Immediately it begins to build, higher and higher. There's no way I can go any higher, but I do. My mind goes black, my body freezes up. You slam into me, against my gspot, and I feel myself tighten around you as my entire body locks into a mass of suspended pleasure. I hang there for a moment, I hear a sound come from my lips but i'm not sure what it is. Relentlessly, you thrust in and out of me, and I feel myself break. I shatter into a thousand pieces, my body entire body convulses once and I cry out to you that i'm cumming, when I can finally speak. Your grip on my hips tighten. I can hardly stand the pleasure. My knees buckle, my body jerks once, twice, as each wave crashes over me. It tingles from my head to my toes, and I fall forward in a daze. You slow down some, but push deeper into me, burying yourself to the hilt, increasing every ounce of pleasure until I twitch and tighten around your hardness once more and you slip out of me to spin me around to pull me into your embrace. You kiss me, the taste on your lips immediately having a dizzying effect on me. I am weak from my orgasm, but I suddenly feel alive. I can feel the arousal was barely tempered, as you pull me towards the bed.
We fall together back into the sheets, you pull me forward over your body and I wrap my legs around your waist dutifully. My body is starting to sheen with sweat. You stare up at me as I rise above you, slowly lowering myself unto you. We both groan as my warmth engulfs you. I keep you buried deep within me and circle my hips, grinding my pelvis into you. It's enough clitoral stimulation for me to immediately feel as if I can orgasm again. As i work myself on you, you watch me. Your hands reach up to grasp my thick hips, moving with me as I grind against you. I feel the tip of you inside of me, with each circle of my hips you press roughly into my G-spot and I know I can cum immediately. I cannot stand it for more than a few seconds. With one hand in my hair holding it off of my slick neck, the other reaches down to my mound to play with my clit. I close my eyes and ride out another lengthy orgasm. I hear your sounds as I cum all over you again, grasping you tightly, riding you until every wave of pleasure subsides. You gasp something that sounds like "Oh my gawd" and I giggle wickedly, falling back over you to kiss your lips. "I want you to cum." I say against your mouth. I know what you want, I know what will drive you crazy. "Do you want to cum on my face?" I ask you. I'm surprised when you act shocked. I know you're trying to make this "special for me". But I want to make it special for you too.
I climb off of you, pulling you up with me. I can see the excitement in your eyes as we both get off of the bed. You stand in front of it, I kneel down beside it. I look up at you, and your blue eyes are sparkling. Your cock is engorged, raging hard with a need to cum. I rip the condom off of you and fling it across the room not caring where it lands. I eagerly wrap my mouth around you again, stroking you with one hand, cupping your balls gently in the other. Your breathing quickly picks up it's pace, and I try to read how close you are. "Look at me." You say. I look up, staring straight into your eyes. "Cum for me." I say. You groan loudly, your hand fumbling at the back of my neck. I take your cock out of my mouth to stroke it harder, keeping you close to my mouth and face. As you start to cum I feel myself become horny all over again. You cum hard and forcefully, your knees jerking and your fists clenching. I take each drop onto my face, closing my eyes as it covers every inch of me. I feel it covering my lips, and I lick them eagerly, moaning to myself as I milk the last drop out of you. You gasp as I wrap my lips around the tip of you lightly licking you clean. "Wow..." you say on a breath, your voice quivering.
I try to open an eye, but I cannot. I start to laugh. You act nervous at first, but then you're laughing with me. "I can't see!" I exclaim. "This is a LOT of cum!!"
"I'll take that as a compliment." You reply, reaching for my hand. I take it and you pull me to my feet.
"Let me get a towel for you." you request.
"NO!! Take me to the bathroom, I want to see!" I say incredulously.
You laugh again, a boyish laugh that has my toes tingling. We may not be the most conventional, but something about our personalities just flows together. You take my hands in yours and direct me where I need to go as I fight to trust you as if blindfolded and walking into fire.
We laugh all the way to the bathroom, where I proceed to ohhh and awe in the mirror at the display that was once my beautiful face. "It's like fit for porn! Is that normal for you?" I exclaim. You don't say anything. You just watch me start to wash my face. You help me to clean up, picking the gobs out of my hair. Not at all romantic, I'd say. But then you brush a kiss against my lips as if nothing had ever happened, and you say "No, I think it's just you."
Without warning, I come back to the present, and I realize that I have become fully aroused thinking about what had transpired. Your breathing has slowed, are you falling asleep? I lift myself unto my elbows and lean over you, kissing you lightly. Your hand snakes out and around me, pulling me close but you don't open your eyes. "Mmmm" you mumble. I smile widely and wiggle out of your embrace to slide down your body. You open one eye to look at me, your one eyebrow raising in the characteristic way you have. I smile, and i'm surprised to find you hard and waiting for me. I take you in my mouth, hoping to repeat again what had happened earlier.
I feel as if I couldn't move ever again, at least not for days! My body is full, heavy yet light, a feeling that can't quite be described in words. My limbs feel like they're made of jello as I stretch my body. "Are you cold?" You ask. You're standing by the window, buttoning up your flannel. "A little." I say, my voice coming out hoarse. My hair is damp from the shower we had taken before making love for a third time. I pull the blankets tight around me and pat the bed beside me. You sit, and words fail us both. I sit up to wrap my sweater around my arms, a damp chill has entered the room. The snow outside the window is thick and heavy, the blizzard has hit forcefully while we were oblivious in this room. Restless, you stand again. I panic inside. You pace once across the floor, then sit in the chair in the corner, your head in your hands. Your leg begins to nervously bounce up and down, and I quickly get up to sit on the floor by your feet, worry immediately coming to the forefront of my mind. As if you're physically hurting, you drag your hands from your face to look down at me. I will never forget the look in your eyes as you proceeded to tell me how much you care for me, appreciate me, and how sorry you are for how things have gone in our relationship. I will never forget the way your voice quivered, the words you wanted to say coming at a great cost to you. The dampness in your eyes causing them to sparkle and shine in a way that sent shivers down my spine. I will never forget how words failed me and I could only nod and agree and say "me too". I will always regret not taking that moment to tell you how I feel, too. And when I kissed you I tried to show you. Your words had ignited me into passion again. I highly doubted that you could want me still, but you did. I couldn't believe it when I was able to perform oral on you, to completion. I would have loved to have made love again, but my bits were sore from the hours upon hours we had ravished one another. I really doubt I will ever find another lover as in tune to my body as you. As ready and willing to take me on, long and exhausting sessions, over and over until the sun begins to rise in the sky.
That night had many highs and zero lows. We existed outside of reality. I can remember so many details, but not enough of them. I had to write these things down before I forget them. Jersey Shore played on the flat screen tv as we lounged, naked and sleepy, laughing at the absurdity of those people. We surfed Facebook with my head resting against your knees as you took me through each of your pictures, explaining the time, the place, the experience. I watched you sip coffee as you told me about your day. You played me a few clips on youtube, I remember one was raunchy and sexual and it turned me on when I didn't think I could possibly think about sex again. We searched for stupid things like "old people falling" - and laughed. Small, frivolous things that I will never forget. The most momumental moments are the ones that I feel as if I am trying to grasp and hold onto, but they're filtering through my fingers like smoke. The small things, I remember. You made me laugh. You nearly made me cry. Into the wee hours of the morning we rode out that snow storm, together. The drive home for me that morning was miserable, it took me nearly 3 hours to make it home and I was late for work. I do not care, I would do it all again if I could.
If I could say one thing to you now, as I finish up this piece of writing, it would be to thank you for making love to me when even I didn't want that kind of loving. I will cherish that forever. You knew me better than I knew myself, and I thank you for that alone. It took a lot to make up for the many nights of suppressed desire, and I am very glad that I came to you that night. This was our "first" time and it wasn't our last, but excluding one night prior to ever making love with you, our first night was our best night. I love you... Goodbye.
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