There aren't many positives, honestly. But, here is a few:
I have most likely found a wonderful home for one of my sweetest horses. She is going to have a little 7 year old girl to call her own. She will be an only horse, so she will be lavished with love and affection. I am very happy. They live right down the street and I work with the mother, so I'll be able to see her whenever I want to. I am very pleased, so long as everything works out.
One down, 4 or 5 to go.
And on a positive yet extremely crazy and stressful note - I am starting school in a week! I had it all planned out to go to a college about an hour away from me. It's a wonderful school, but in the end I just couldn't imagine driving that far for years and years. Last minute I changed my mind, and had no idea if i was going to wait until next semester or what I was doing. Kind of on a whim, I applied to a local college which is a branch of a large Ohio college (still about 45 mins away, but not as bad as an hour). I was accepted right away and I am starting on the 29th. I am very happy, but stressed. I have to come up with the money for books and supplies, I really wasn't prepared for this. I will be able to reimburse myself when I get my loan, but coming up with a big chunk of money at once is not easy for me. So far trying to borrow from family hasn't panned out in my favor, so i'm not quite sure how i'm going to swing it. I always do, so i'll figure something out.
As far as my love life goes, I am lost. My weekly drinking has really come to a head, to where S and I are drunk dialing each other every weekend but we don't talk any other time. And when we do, we fight. I have no idea what is wrong with that man, nor do I understand him. He is very cryptic. It's like deciphering some foreign code.
Last weekend was my friends birthday and I got completely smashed. Somewhere along the line the girls talked me into texting him "You are a dick". It wasn't very nice, and in retrospect it was very confrontational. Obviously i wasn't thinking clearly and wasn't influenced very well. I was totally wasted and we were clubbing so it was loud and my phone was forgotten in my pocket afterwards. When we left the club, I heard it ringing and it was 'his' ringtone. I picked it up and he totally freaked out on me for calling him a dick. He was quite obviously just as drunk as me, he sounded very sad and almost as if he was out of it. He said that it was very mean for me to say that, and wanted to know why. I told him i was with friends and I was not going to talk about "it" right then. He insisted I tell him why I would call him a dick, like it's not fucking obvious. Eventually I lost it and told him exactly what I think of him using me and treating me like shit. He started to give me the usual hoobla about his busy life and I told him I didn't want to hear it. I was very firm and he didn't like it. He started yelling at me, telling me how "furious" he was with me. I still didn't back down. I told him to stop fucking yelling at me. I said I have no idea what the fuck is going on with him and he can't expect me to have a magic ball to figure it out and that he has NO right to expect me to not be hurt for being treated the way he treats me unless he wants to finally open up and tell me what the fuck his problem is. He then claimed he "couldn't" tell me. So, I reiterated. If he can't tell me, then I have every right to be upset and call him a dick because he is one. Finally then, he said "You really want to know?" As if some big bomb was about to drop. I said, yes, yes I do. "okay, I'll tell you."
Well, I still don't know what the fuck he was talking about. He started going on and on about being Jewish. Well, not so much "being" Jewish, as giving me a lesson in the history of the Jewish people and what happened to them. He is a "Reformed Jew" - I can't really tell you what that means, I don't know a whole lot about the religion. But he is NOT an avid follower of any customs. He was sooo drunk, I could barely keep up with what he was saying (my own inebriated state didn't help). He kept hanging up on me and calling me back. Eventually, my phone dropped the call and he never called me back and I didn't call him back either. I got home and he did eventually call me again, but I couldn't get the remainder of what he was talking about out of him. I am sooo lost.
Only thing I can think is he is trying to actually grasp his religion. If he is somehow cleansing himself of sin, that would make sense. But fuck if I know anything about that.
Anyway, when we were both sober later that weekend I texted him to let him know that I didn't fully grasp what he was saying and I have no clue what he was trying to get at. He ignored me of course.
But yet last night he just calls me out of the blue, drunk. I was drunk as well, at a friends wedding reception. I told him I was still upset and it's not just going to go away because nothing is EVER solved. I just let it go and eventually forgive him and this time I'm not. I need more to go on than cryptic bullshit. Either you want to be my friend and treat me with respect, or you don't. That is the biggest thing, sex or no sex.
Regardless, I am focusing on myself. I have plenty of friends. He may have been a big part of my life for quite some time, but I don't need him. I don't need anyone. Same goes for my ex. We're living in the same house for a few months yet, and he says how badly he doesn't want me to go anywhere and wants to work it out. Yet I can't get an ounce of effort out of him, just talk. What is it about me that causes people to think they can treat me however they want and I'll still be there? I mean, I get it, I let them get away with it so they only continue the behavior. But even when I put my foot down, I make no headway.
Ugh, this was supposed to all be positive... Well, sorry. I can't get that lucky to have all good things happen to me :)
3 Comments On This Entry
- 1BigTadGer on I got an F at school today. A fuck that is.
- donald dick on I got an F at school today. A fuck that is.
- sperminated on Everything's more fun with friends.
- Miss_C. on My Health
- Miss_C. on Sex Toy Review: A&E 16 Function Super Rabbit Vibrator
- SqueaksWhenWet on Everything's more fun with friends.
- LONEstarSTUD127 on Everything's more fun with friends.
- donald dick on Everything's more fun with friends.
- babykissme on Everything's more fun with friends.
- SqueaksWhenWet on Everything's more fun with friends.