I have never been one to lack confidence, well not in a long time, i am usually the person that tells everyone how gorgeous they are and they are unique and amazing and they should walk tall and have confidence because that is everything. However, lately it seems i can not even listen to my own advice. I have been feeling very down lately about a lot of things a lot of serious and a lot of silly things. I feel like i am not sexy anymore, or that i ever really was, my looks are going pretty quick and i am constantly being one upped by everyone else. Doesn't seem to matter how hard i try there is always some one prettier, someone sexier, and someone ultimately better than me.
I cant seem to get my face looking awesome i was blessed with terrible skin, thanks parentals -1 pt. for LadyR. I have gained weight or not even that i have gained weight but i now have a concentration of fat centrally located on my abdomen so i look like i am about 5 months preggo all the time... freaking stellar! It doesn't help that i am only 5'4" and it is the ONLY place i have fat besides on top of my hips and around my pelvic bones (still all located around the abdominal area) so i do look preggo and even more like a stick than i already looked. Pity none of it will go to my tiny breasts and little bum, thats where i might be able to use some. All of LadyR's curves ELIMINATED!!! not that i had any to begin with.
THe week the super bowl comes to town and is going to be the busiest week in restaurant industry in arlington I am jobless and couldn't get to finding a job between a STUPID schedule, and getting sick! I am completely worthless. I haven't had a job in almost 3 weeks and i am out of back up "just in case" money, and wasn't even able to get my car fixed. I am feeling a little on the outs. I hate not working. I also hate being let go over stupid drama and people that feel threatened (or so it seems) by me. I also dislike business owners that listen to gossip and take it into serious consideration. guh.
Why does it seem that people are out to get me or not out to get me, but just against me. I guess that is my luck.
So yeah i am jobless, and doubt ill get any good job bar tending or cocktailing cause i don't think i can dress the part and look alright, its pretty cut throat sometimes. They are going to hire any boobsy girl with a tiny waist because thats what brings the guys and the wallets rolling in oh and guess what, that is not me at all. go figure.
I am already behind at school and it is only week 2!!! how can i already be behind? Seriously. Oh i know.... because i have no desire to do anything. or i have the desire but i dont have a good place to work that isn't below freezing and i cant go get supplies because i have a lack of good transportation to carry 8 ft planks of pine wood with. great. Also i have had my son with me the past week, he had the flu, i had the flu, and now that we are all feeling better it is below freezing outside and in my garage (where i typically work) making it very hard to make precise drawings when you are trembling from the cold. I cant go get a heater because the roads are still icy. lovely
I am going stir crazy, i wanted to start running, but how is it every time i get super motivated to start doing something, something sweeps in and ruins it like the silly flu and the frozen weather. maybe instead of running i can sit around my house naked and shiver away those calories. hmmm. sounds like a good plan to me, plus i got this new trainer app on my phone to help me keep track of my success and it keeps alerting me that i am missing my workouts. Thanks phone there isnt much i can do when i am puking or my run would be more like sliding.
I want to get out of my house and see some people and get to work and for the love of god i would like to not be cold, because all the cold makes me want to do is sleep and eat a lot.
Im so effed right now, however will i get out of this debacle of a situation i have currently found myself being suffocated in?
Maybe i should turn into a "bad girl" and drop the sweet shit, because it doesn't seem to be getting me very far. I am unemployed, still in college, getting fat, and hating life as it were, except for 2 things, my guy and my kid.
I really just hate how things are going and i cant seem to do ANYTHING about them right now.
The things i love so much are slowly slipping away from me. grrrrrrrrrrrrr.....
Not that any of you will read this, but if you do, thanks for listening, it means a lot...
end of Lady's rant!
I knew there was a reason i have never been popular.
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