As she comes down from her orgasmic high, I wrap my arms around her and tell her how much I love her. She lays her head on my chest and says she loves me too as she beginsslowly running her fingers along my bare chest. “I love hearing your heartbeat, honey,” she says. I respond with, “at least I know I am alive then!” as we both laugh.
I want to know more about her. I listen to every word she speaks. She knows enough about me that I need not tell her more. I don’t want to tell her how I really feel about her, but I am sure she is going to ask. “Not now, not today,” I silently say to myself. She says, “Shark, how do you feel about me? You tell me you love me, want to be with me, but I realize you are married and have a family. How do you really feel about me? Can you keep your family life and your time with me separate?” So, I must tell her, my mixed emotions, how my feelings are split between her and my wife…I only know her as a lover, as an intimate replacemen tfor the lack of love I feel at home. How do I explain this to her?
After a long pause, I tell her, “I can keep my family life and my time with you separate.When I am with you, I feel loved, wanted, and needed… When I am at home I feel as though the only thing I am good for is the security of my wife and child. I am led to believe the only thing I am good for is providing a roof over their heads and bread on the table. It has been four years since I slept with my wife…” Her response to that…
“What? You have not had sex with your wife in four years?”
Laughing, I countered, “No, it has been four years since my wife and I have slept together. We have rushed sex on a regular basis…We don’t sleep in the same bed… I miss that feeling of sleeping in bed next to and waking up with a woman. Am I wrong for wanting that intimacy?”
She replied,“No, darling… The heart wants what the heart wants. You can only deny it for so long before it starts eating away at you, making you crazy. Forgive me if I overstep my bounds, but when we first met, you seemed dead inside. Your eyes lacked glimmer, your face lacked emotion, and your voice lacked happiness. And what ‘is sex on a regular basis?’ Every other day? Once, twice a week, what?”
Another question I didn’t want to answer, so I stewed over what I wanted my response to be. Do I tell her… is it her business, how many times I have sex with my wife a week? Obviously it isn’t enough or we wouldn’t be here in each other’s arms…
“The chemistry we have together is strong, honey” I said. “It is unmatched, chemistry I have not felt with another in a very long time. I cannot explain at any length, how I feel about you. I love the ways in which we connect with one another, the way we make love. I love your scent; I love the passion we share together.”
Sher esponds, “Shark, I enjoy all that we have too, but you didn’t answer my question. Are you purposely dodging it?” I want to be more than just your ‘bootycall’. I do more than just love you; I AM in love with you, Shark. I want to know the things you have not yet told me. That is why I ask.”