It got me thinking about if I had changed since then and I have. We first met 6 1/2 years ago through a mutual friend and soon became very close. We both moved away, but kept in contact. So much has happened to us both since then, and I won't go into it now. One thing she did say was "I thought I was happy then, and in some way I was, but I realise now that it was only on a superficial level" and it made me stop and think about my own happiness over the last 6 1/2 years,and realised I've been much the same.
As some of you know, I was in a very abusive relationship some time ago, and after finally leaving that, I guess thats when my life started it's biggest change. I didn't realise how bad things had become for me until I left. I'd put on tonnes of weight, and I was very timid and almost a total hermit. I'd shut myself off from the world and in a very dark place. Thankfully I had my dear friend L, who recognized just how bad things were so she started taking me out with her and her friends. I was so shy, I barely spoke to anyone other thanto say hi for the first month or so, but slowly came out of my shell and started losing weight.
I've never been skinny but in my depression and self loathing, I'd put on so much weight, I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but at my heaviest I was 152kg/335lbs. I didnt really realise I'd put on that much weight, but once I realised it, I became determined to lose it. I started dieting which helped very slowly, but I wasn't enjoying my food which was big for me because I've always liked food. So I stopped dieting and made other changes in my life and made myself happier, and the weight started coming off in leaps and bounds and 18 months later in now a much healthier 96kg/211lbs. I've been that weight for about 4 months now and while I'd ideally like to loose a little more, I'm proud of myself for not putting weight back on, despite dealing with some depression in recent times.
The more I lost, the more outgoing I became and I turned into a real partier, going out every weekend and admitidly drinking more than my share, but never to the point of passing out and only to the point of vomiting once, though I suspect that was more to do with the souvlaki I ate, not the alcohol I drank! Then L moved away and the partying stopped. I miss going out but I miss having her hear regularly more than anything. She's visiting at the minute, but she's leaving again soon, which bums me out. But that isn't the point of this blog The point is, emotionally I transformed as much as I did physically. I'm more confident, more outgoing now. In alot of ways parts of me still are that shy little nerd in the corner, but I'm more willing to put myself out there now and experience things,despite my fears of rejection, I'm now willing to at least try.
While I can't display the emotional change to you all, I can show you the physical change
This isn't me at my biggest, but its the biggest I have a photo of. As you can see - not pretty what so ever! It's about a month after I started loosing weight
Me last Friday - yeah I'm still no oil painting, but looking at these two pics makes me proud of the physical changes I've been able to make.