It happens almost every night. I fall asleep for about an hour and wake up. I am then forced to lie here trying to fall back to sleep. Tossing and turning until I finally get up and move to my chair. I sit sideways in my chair and rest my head against the back, while pulling my legs up to my chest and covering myself with a light blanket. After all that I may fall back to sleep, I may get another hour or two of rest or I may just sit here cocooned in the darkness with my eyes closed, wide awake until morning.
All the while you lay there sleeping peacefully. You never wake, never stir and rarely ever even move. You’re completely at ease with everything around you. You look so comfortable with just a light blanket covering you from the waist down. Your upper body exposed to the cool temperature of the room but even that doesn’t seem to bother you.
Many nights, while not being able to sleep, I’ve watched and envied you. I’ve wanted to cuddle up against you or wake you just to be with you and hope to selfishly steal some of your peaceful slumber for myself. I don’t dare. I couldn’t do that to you.
It’s different tonight. I haven’t slept at all. I’m not really tired; I think I’ve reached a point where my body is in a state of motion without actually moving, my senses have not stopped. You have stimulated all the nerves in my body and caused lightning bolts of pleasure to stir within me. These sensations haven't faded from me; they last like the echo of a word, just resonating through me. It was a pure and tender love capped with explosive passion. After your final release you attempted to hold me against your body in an embrace but your brain wouldn’t allow your heart to show me any further tenderness before you drifted off to sleep.
Tonight,I have felt the silky touch of your caress and the softness of your skin. I have felt the subtle moves of your tongue and the rhythmic motion of your hips. I have felt your weight against my body and your fingers entwined with mine. And, I have felt your rigid firmness on my lips and your hot release on my tongue.
There were wonderful highs, highs that grabbed hold of me, squeezing the air from my lungs causing me to twist and arch my body in response. Sounds have escaped from my lips that I didn’t make, these subconscious releases were caused by the squeezing hand of pleasure that I lay in.
I don't know if it wasn't enough or if maybe it was too much but I can’t shut it off. My body is writhing from the sensations that continue to run through me. It’s an untold number of delicate fibers tracing across my skin. Not painful and not fulfilling, just an ever present stimulation.
Sitting here watching you sleep I can still smell you. I can smell a faint hint of your cologne, the soap and shampoo that you wash with and I can smell the love that we made. The taste of your kisses lingers on my lips as much as the taste of your skin from my teasing nibbles. Your eyes have exposed the desire in your soul as the beautiful anguish crossed your face in those final moments.
These thoughts and feelings have not left me in the hours that I’ve sat here watching you.
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