The last three entries have gone a long way to help me understand the complexity that is my emotional erotic psyche.
So after writing that epilogue last night in haste, I went to bed. As I lay there naked in my bed with my wife’s head on my chest nestled under my chin. I lifted her face to mine and gave her a deep and passionate goodnight kiss on the lips. I then wrapped my arms around her and held her as she drifted off to sleep. I embraced her feeling very tender towards her, as all the events of the last few days and the consequent thoughts following them drifted around in my head.
Soon her breathing was smooth and regular and I felt the weight of her limp body fully against my side. She was sound asleep in my arms. It is so very special to me to hold her relaxed body while she is lost in restful sleep. She is peaceful and warm, lying protected and safe in my arms. She knows that I love her deeply and that during the day I will try as best I can to support her as she the grapples with the outrageous fortune of daily life, but I cannot control the world and keep things from happening to her. However, at night as I hold her in her sleep nothing can touch her, I can protect her and keep her safe. Our bed is a magical place.
I lower my face to the top of her head and bury my lips and nose in her hair. I inhale the scent of her shampoo and I softly kiss the top of her head, lingering with my lips there, enjoying the feel of her and the smell of her.
The sweet scent of her of her sets my mind to wandering. I am thinking of my relationship with her and the relationships that I have with female friends; particularly those close female friends. But the relationship that I have with this wonderful creature that is asleep on my chest is dominating my thoughts.
I further ponder the miracle that binds me so closely to her; a connection that I can never have with another women. I know of course that our connection is obviously the profound love I have for her. Despite the hassles and stress of our lives that love is an anchor that grounds me. The loss of it would cause me to perish, to wither into a husk and blow away. This is something that I have known since the day we met.
I think however of interactions and feelings about interactions that I have with her and other women. I try to sort through them as I lay there holding her.
There are hugs and kisses that I give other women. There have been some that have even been kisses of my warm lips on theirs. Those warm expressions certainly stirred my sexual heat but they did not have depth and passion, except for the few times when a kiss between myself and woman raised my sexual heat to the point that it tested my emotional fidelity. But those have been very rare in my life.
I thought of the few indiscretions early in my marriage when I did engage in intimate activities with other women that culminated in orgasmic relief. There have not been a lot of these events, certainly none in the last 20 years. But in my lustful twenties and early thirties, there were mutual masturbations sessions with two women and one very erotic gift of fellatio from someone who I didn’t know well at all but whose raw sexuality turned my head. The feeling of my engorged penis in her hot mouth certainly caused me to feel intense sexual desire; a desire that was sufficient to cause me to hold her head and erupt in her mouth, depositing my hot cum on her tongue.
But never once then or now have I ever engaged anyone in the truest expression of my love, the “Ultimate Embrace”. The Ultimate Embrace for me is hot, passionate and lustful love making. I say love making as opposed to fucking and sexual intercourse because although the former is an expression of lust and passion it is not an expression of love. Intercourse on the other hand sounds so biological and clinical. Neither expresses love and the intertwining of souls, feelings and caring that love making expresses.
As I lay there in my bed with her warm body on mine, she stirs. In her sleep she tries to climb further onto me. She lifts her leg and covers my legs with it resting it just below my balls. She hitches closer to me pressing one breast into my armpit and the other onto my chest. This sudden sensation of her body against me makes me think of her body, naked in preparation for love making.
Many times she will come to me fresh from the shower, wrapped in a robe and scented with alluring perfume and powder. These times she will unwrap herself like the gift that she is and hold my hand leading me to the bed to share her sexual charms with me. When she is like this fresh from the shower she stands there pink and rosy from the heat of the shower. Her scent is that of the flowers that she loves.
Other times I will undress her slowly and seductively look her in the eyes as I undo her blouse, button by button until it falls from her. Then to follow by unbuttoning her pants and sliding them down as she steps out of them leaving them in a pile on the floor. Oftentimes in this scenario I will watch a blush bloom on her face and spread down her neck and onto her chest and breasts; it is a blush of embarrassment mixed with passion. I smile to myself that the act of having me slowly undress her in preparation for sex can still make her blush even after all these years. But there she stands in her bra and panties breathing heavily, mindful of what is to come. More often than not her body will betray her modesty and reveal her erotic thoughts in the growing darkened wet spot on her panties where they cover her vulva. The aroma of her arousal will permeate the air and cause my own passion to redouble.
I will save her panties for last. First I reach around her and kiss her on the lips as I unhook her bra and free her breasts. I toss the bra aside and release her breasts. They have been bound up all day and I know that they ache to be massaged. I grasp them and gently squeeze them and rub them, evoking her to sigh and slump against me as she revels in the tender feelings of relief that my hands bring to her (until now) confined mammary glands.
I then slide my hands down her torso and hook my thumbs in the waistband of her panties. I pull on them, sliding them down slowly. They turn inside out as they are lowered over her hips. Despite the fact that she has parted her legs slightly to accommodate their removal they stick to her vaginal lips, bonded by the thick juice she is expressing from her hole. Her thick honey holds them to her inner folds and the mouth of her vagina. Finally I pull them away and she steps out of them. I feel the slick wet spot that she has made in them in my palm and I toss them aside.
I am already naked and she looks down at my throbbing erection with lust in her eyes. The anticipation causes her heart to race.
But I stand there gazing at her. She has made the transition. Her arousal has blossomed and has overcome her modesty she stands there unabashedly naked for me and for me alone. She proudly stands there as she revels in her nudity, she watches my eyes caressing and studying every inch of her nude form and she smiles. My eyes crawl into her genital creases and folds, pour over her breasts and bellybutton, lingering and relishing the sight of each inch of her warm flesh.
She lies back on the bed. Although we enjoy many different positions, one of my favorites is her on her back cross ways on the bed with her crotch at the edge of the bed with me standing in between her legs. This position allows me to see all parts of her and it also gives me even greater lasting power because I am not thrusting my pelvis, a move that accelerates my orgasm. I can slide in and out of her by thrusting my whole lower body. The other reason that I love this position is that I have a clear view of my penis sinking into her and sliding out coated with her honey. I love seeing her hole opened wide to accommodate my girth.
So as she lays there she opens her legs for me, exposing her vagina and offering it to me. I will often linger at this moment teasing her. Sometimes I bend down and kiss her moist opening or sometimes I will lovingly kiss her clit to tease her further. Other times I will cover her vagina with my mouth and lick her with my hot tongue, savoring the thick juice that she exudes.
As she sleeps in my arms I think to myself, what goes through her mind when we are at this point? What does she think about and feel both as my penetration is imminent and after it is achieved?
I imagine that she feels great trust. It is a female mammalian instinct. A woman laying on her back, totally vulnerable in her nudity; opening her legs to expose her vagina to me is the extreme expression of trust. Her trust in me is one that assures her that I will not harm her, that she knows that I will make her feel good to the point of coaxing her to orgasm and it is a trust of my knowledge of her sexuality and her body. She knows that I know what she likes having done to her and what she doesn’t.
I suspect that in the moments that I stand between her legs, penis erect and weeping my lust that she feels many other emotions as well. Certainly she feels a passionate need to hold me. Her vagina is aching with need to feel me. Her clitoris is erect and exposed awaiting the feeling of my warm intrusion. Her mind is racing with erotic thoughts and fascinated visions of my naked maleness, my narrow hips, tight ass but especially the symbol of me. The one feature on me that she knows so well; the thing on me that she knows the mouth feel of, the heat of it is in her hand and the liquid passion that it contains …my penis. She looks at it in wonder thinking of me and what I feel as I wield this rigid expression of my passion. She wonders what it feels like to have this long pink hard cock between my legs and how my balls must feel hanging beneath it.
For my part I look at her aroused vagina and it looks like a flower in bloom. Its outer lips are the pink of a prize winning rose petal, glistening with her dew. Her flower reveals its inner beauty, the flesh turning a darker inflamed reddish hue as it descends into her wet and delicately mysterious interior. That interior glistens and promises exquisite sensations as it implores me to stop the teasing and enter it.
I lean forward and press the tip of my penis to the opening of her dewy flower, settling the wetted head of my cock in the folds of her inner lips. I linger there as I think. At this moment the two most sensitive parts of our bodies are joined. Her clitoris and the legs of her clit that extend around the opening of her vagina has more nerve endings than anyplace in her body. Like wise the corona of my penis has the most nerve endings on any place on my body as well. The joining of these most sensitive parts of us is very erotic, arousing and very intimate. My penis senses the wetness and the heat of her vaginal opening and it twitches in response, causing a dribble of pre cum to come out of the slit and further coat her opening in preparation for penetration. I love the feeling of our sensitive enjoined parts, as we share our sensual emissions and revel in the feeling of each others genitals. The immanency of penetration also adds to the lusty excitement of this moment.
It is time for me to penetrate her, we are both ready. I lean forward pushing against her opening. The pressure that I exert parts her lips and forces my penis to the path of least resistance, down into the canal of her vagina. I slide into her easily, facilitated by the copious lubrication that weeps from the walls of her love hole. I continue to slide into her, parting the walls of her canal as I pierce her. The friction of my cock head on her inner walls is mesmerizing for her. She struggles to maintain her concentration as she feels me inching into her and filling her up. When I am all the way in she moans slightly as she comes to grips with the fullness that she feels deep inside her most sensual parts. There is nothing that feels as arousing and fulfilling than to have my warm, loving penis inside of her. Not a piece of silicon or plastic but the hardened organ of me, her real man; a man that feels passion for her and whose stiffened organ is pulsing with blood and passion; my penis, an organ that holds the promise of injecting my hot cum into her as she reaches an orgasmic pinnacle. The thought of that happening causes a reflex deep inside of her to grasp my penis and squeeze it gently. She feels as if she has been packed with this deeply arousing sensation has feels so full and warm it causes her to swoon.
I do not move, but rather I look into her eyes as I lean against her crotch burying my manhood in her; I look for the erotic response in her eyes. She cannot concentrate and look at me she is lost in the sensation that my cock is stirring deep in side of her.
I stand there trying to concentrate on the exquisitely intimate feeling of being inside her. This is truly a miracle and a gift of nature I think to myself. The act of making love to her is a singularly unique event. She is a woman who I care deeply for and who feels equally strongly for me. Her passion for me allows me to enter inside her body. There is no other event in our relationship that is like this. She has opened her legs and is wantonly urging me to not only enter her physically but enter her emotionally.
To make love to her is an expression of biological need and desire. It is a physically wonderful experience. I love this woman that I am inside of. She is a person who I love with all my heart; the act of entering her pliant femininity with my hardened masculinity is not only physically erotic but it is spiritually erotic as well. As I stand there with my penis deep inside her I feel like our souls are touching, using our aroused genitals as a conduit to share our joy, sensuality, passion and love. I do not move …I can’t. I am immobilized by the profound love I am feeling. I get light headed and I steady myself on her legs; I am holding them apart in the air separated in a vee.
Finally I begin to swing my hips back and forth, sliding my penis in and out of her. I release one of her legs and put my right thumb in my mouth coating it with saliva. I then lower my thumb onto her hardened clitoris. As I am sliding my penis in and out of her I am making little circles around and on her erect nub. I continue to rub her slippery erection and thrust my cock in and out of her. She is lubricating like crazy. My penis is covered in the white milky expression of her growing arousal. I coat her clit with the wetness that emanates from her that is now pooling on the sheets underneath her.
I press a little more firmly on her clit and I thrust just a little harder, bumping my pubic bone against her vulva and forcing my penis to bump against her cervix. The sensation of me hitting her cervix pains her a little, but it is a good pain she tells me. It is kind of like the pain of massaging a sore muscle. It arouses her like crazy. I can feel her vagina opening up inside, in preparation for orgasm. I shift my ministration to her clit; I begin now to stoke the underside of it pushing up against the underside of the glans and ending each stroke with an ever so gentle tickle of the tip. By the second of these strokes her body tenses up and she extends her legs straight up in the air to force me deeper in her. I lean into her and bury my penis in her to the hilt, giving it to her so that she can hold onto it like a life preserver as she surrenders to her orgasm. I feel her grip my penis tightly as the spasms of orgasm rip through her repeatedly. She is holding onto my penis for dear life. She grips it with her strong vaginal muscles using it to stimulate the explosion that is reverberating inside of her. She is also gripping it as she desires to feel part of me as she is experiencing this profound feminine bliss that is vibrating in her pussy and spreading across her abdomen. She wants to hold me as she loses herself in her orgasm.
This is the Ultimate Embrace. Its is the embrace of my engorged and loving penis inside her as she succumbs to a deep orgasm. It is an embrace that is eons old and fresh as the moment she is feeling it. It is an embrace that we share in her orgasmic revelation. It is an embrace in which she says to me with out words: you are mine and I need to hold you as I do this, as I do this intensely personal and intimate thing that you have made me do. Her spasming grip on my penis says silently to me: no one can make me feel as full and sensual as you do; you have made me lose control of my body and my emotions.
There have been several occasions over the years where she will cry after the profound and intense experience of a deep and full orgasm. Those times are profoundly moving for me.
The sight and sensation of her orgasmic experience is deeply erotic for me. The vision that has played out before me is enough usually to cause me to edge right up to the brink of my own orgasmic explosion.
As she is shuddering in the waning contractions of her orgasm, I return to my own orgasmic mission. I resume thrusting inside of her now sopping wet pussy. In a matter of minutes the sensation inside my penis is electric. My heart is racing and I am growing desperate to empty myself and seek relief from this divine erotic tension. My penis starts to numb, a sensation that I know means ejaculation is imminent. She is still grasping my penis as her orgasm is slowly dwindling; the sensation of holding me is very gratifying for her as she comes down. But the firm hold she has on me serves to milk me as I am thrusting and suddenly my internal gates open up.
I feel the tension reach a crescendo deep inside me; it is so intense and exquisite that I cannot hold it anymore. It breaks through all of my bodily controls and rushes out of my penis in an expulsive torrent. The pulsing deep inside of me causes me to empty the deepest recesses of my sex glands into her. I squirt jet after jet of my thick hot cum deep into her as I experience the divine relief of my orgasm.
After I have ceased ejaculating I fall forward onto her and lay on top of her as she embraces me and kisses my cheek and strokes my head.
I return to reality from my imaginary love making. I am back in our dark, silent bedroom. It has now been almost 40 minutes since we got in bed; she is in a very deep sleep and she is holding me tightly. It is as if she is afraid that sleep will cause her to lose all sense of reality and her subconscious knows that she needs to hold onto me as she sleeps to insure that she is safe as she wanders in the darkened halls of her dreams.
I hold her and I think of what it means for me to ejaculate in her. Of course it is a biological imperative to continue our species; and of course it feels amazing. But there is more.
An ejaculation is a cocktail of my bodily fluids; it is a recipe that is literally millions of years old that my body knows intuitively how to mix. My body mixes it for only one intent, to create a fluid that will be spiced with my seed; my sperm. That sperm is in essence a statement of who I am.
She is the woman who receives my passionate cocktail; it is in essence receiving an expression of my soul, my spirit and a blueprint of my progeny for her use to create new life partly in my image and partly in her own. It is a hot cocktail coaxed from deep inside of me, given to her in my paroxysm of passion; it is a true gift of me. It is also a sacred statement of who I am.
The act of her letting my impassioned penis inside her to touch her soul and leave a testimony of my very essence on the doorstep of her soul is a deeply spiritual act. I think of laying on top of her in post coital bliss, totally relaxed and exhausted and I think of how intense this experience is for both of us. She is the only one that I feel close enough to experience this with. I am moved by that closeness.
The last entries made me realize this.
Sometime last night I feel asleep lost in the above chain of erotic and moving musings. I woke this morning at 4 AM lying on top of her as she slept. It is amazing that we can swap roles and not wake each other up. That took 37 years of practice.
I got out of bed at 4AM to write this. It is now 8 AM. I had not intended to do an entry today but the spirit has moved me so here I am.
This entry is just another page in the narrative that is helping me to understand the passion inside of me and how it expresses itself as well as how and why I feel the way I do around my wife and all women.
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