This has been an amazing experience; I never though that I would get this far when I started back in November. Since then I have made an entry almost every other day on the average, with a few stretches for some time off. They have been time consuming but well worth it. I have really enjoyed doing this. It has been very fulfilling.
I have kept a handwritten journal ever since I was 20. I have never been without one. I have a Xerox office paper box full of old journals in a closet and a dozen or so special ones in my office bookcase. I can’t imagine not having a journal with me at all times. Those journals contain pages of snippets of thoughts, ideas, short narratives and observations. Some pages have sketches of places that struck me or objects of interest; others are ideas for bracelets, wedding rings, earrings and pendants (I am an amateur goldsmith and silversmith). They contain whatever drifted through my mind at the time, as short or as disjointed as it might have been. They are me. But there are no essays in them.
I have always loved writing letters to people I care about. In particular I have loved writing our annual Christmas letter, all 37 of them. But I never wrote personal essays. This blog was my first effort at a collection of essays; personal erotic essays about my intimate life.
This blog has been different than anything I have ever written. Not only is this my first collection of personal essays, this is also my first attempt at online writing. I have never done a blog before. It is the most descriptively introspective I have ever been and the most public.
This blog is the most dedicated I have ever been to a personal activity other than diet and exercise. I would find myself craving time at the computer if I missed the opportunity to enter what happened the previous night. As I drove to work in the morning I would get ideas on how to express a feeling I had in the throws of passion the night before and I would pull to the side of the road to jot the idea down on anything I could find to write on. Expressing my erotic feelings and experiences has been my motivation. This blog has been a running chronicle of the last 5 months of my erotic life. Everything written in here is a 100% accurate depiction of what happened to me. It is a description of what I saw, felt and experienced. It has been valuable to me because of that. This is a repository of my sensual, emotional, intimate life. It is a very personal thing. I don’t know why I feel so easy about sharing it with so many unseen faces, but I do.
Beyond being a chronicle it has been an amazing learning experience. Writing is a very educational process. It has helped me to more clearly understand a thing that is critically important to me, my sexuality. I have gained rich insights into my love for my wife, my love of women, my need for intimacy, my admiration of sensuality, the passion that is the core of my being, my intense love of intimate female anatomy and female sexual response, and my fascination with eroticism. These entries have allowed me to better observe and understand all these intimate - erotic things in my life.
This blog has been really good to help me reconcile some complicated sexual feelings I have had towards a few special women in my life. It has helped me to understand the many different kinds of love I have for women.
This blog has been a brief narrative on my personal sensual vision quest. For the last fifteen to twenty years I have been inspired by Zen thought and Kundalini Yoga. It has taught me sexual patience and it has intensified my passion. It has made me a much more erotic man in my late fifties than I was in my 20s. I have better sexual understanding now than I have ever had before. I express my sensuality orgasmically with my wife several times a week and each time is different. For the first 17 or so years of our marriage we had sex. For the last 20 or so we have been making love; open eyed, stare into your soul, heart linking, intimate love. We have been making love several times a week now for many years and we never fatigue of each other or our intimate time together. Embraced in the throws of passion, I have learned to see her soul in her eyes and touch it with my penis deep in her vagina at the same time; it is a divine experience. It has been wonderful to write about it in this blog.
This blog has allowed me to communicate with a few women on this site, giving me the opportunity to share intimate observations and feelings with female friends in a safe manner. The things that I have talked about in this blog cannot be shared with women in my daily life. I have enjoyed using it as a means of expressing my sexuality to women whose friendship and insights I value.
Now that I have reached this milestone entry I cannot help but think that it is time for something new. I am going to continue this chronicle but I will continue it privately. I have accomplished everything that I have wanted with it in this public forum. I am proud of it and I am proud of what it has contributed to me and I hope a few of you have enjoyed it. I feel that the entries that I want to do now would be boring to people other than myself. They are moving away from the intensely physical to the intensely mental . . . the sensuality inside of my head. Those thoughts and feelings are so intensely personal that I feel the need to keep them to myself.
But I am not giving the idea of a blog up. I have an idea for my new blog that I will unveil in a week or two. I first need to mull over some ideas and I will be back on when things are solid in my mind. I will be back on soon.
So at the 50 mile mark, I say thank you to all the women who encouraged me to make these entries and who read them. Thanks especially to my friend Duchess; she is a very smart, wise and perceptive lady. I underscore the word lady. Her insights on human relations and life have been very thoughtful and insightful; they have been helped to inspire for me for the last 5 months of entries
But my special thanks go especially to the love of my life, my wonderful wife of 37 years. It is she who stirs my soul and my penis every day of my life. She has seen me through some very hard times in my life and we have shared some great joys. But the true test is that we can endure the daily humdrum and be patient and loving in spite of the drone of daily life. She is smart, capable, creative and intensely passionate; her complexity fascinates me even after all these years. She understands me better than I do myself. She can arouse my intellect and my penis with just a few words; she has been a wonderful partner in heated passion and the intimacy of quiet erotic love. I am very lucky to have her next to me every morning when I wake up.
So to everyone who read all these entries ….thanks. If you haven’t go back to November, there is a lot there and its good reading if I do say so myself. Enjoy
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