Hi, I am a complete geek! I’m into comics and I love science. Most importantly, I have the geeky traits of obsessing over one topic, a desire to understand how things work and relentlessly not giving up. I recently have fallen in puppy love with a real beauty and on the most recent date I got the dreaded talk “I think we should just be friends”. My new puppy had taken a bullet to the chest, I have been Friendzoned.
Being Friendzoned can bring up a level of self hatred that is difficult to deal with. No one can make you feel bad about being who you are, but it’s hard when your inner voice is saying “You’re not good enough” and “no one will ever like you as more then this”. Naturally as a geek, this is not my first time I have been dragged kicking and screaming into the zone. I find it comical at times, but once it was so bad, I promised myself never again. So here is my story on how history was destined to repeat itself.
I had fallen for a girl in my high school years that used the line “I am looking for a guy that I can be friends with first before I date him”. I suppressed all feelings of attraction and I had a new best friend. Suppressed feelings eventually come back and bite you. After a few years she trusted me more then any other guy. She trusted me so much she was sleeping in my arms and asking me to teach her how to kiss. Things went messy, complicated and things happened I am not proud of. Eventually I had to face the fact I was attracted to her and not just physically. The friendship disappeared and turned into nothing, but to be honest, it should never have been a friendship, because I liked her more then that. Being just a friend can lead to being used for support that a BF should provide. Lesson learnt, dont get into this situation.
The obvious answer is to not care about relationships. You can generate a behaviour of not caring with relatively positive results at first. Eventually the body’s physical needs take over and you find yourself under the bed sheets with someone, only to then realise deep down you’re wanting a real relationship. Being told straight up you are only wanted physically creates just as much self hate as being Friendzoned. I don’t want to go down this path again as the risk of hurt for others and myself is too high.
The other extreme is to change who you are, to fit into what someone else wants. I have completely changed my diet once so that it would affect certain hormones of mine, changing my personality, making it more what someone else wanted. It doesn’t take a scientist to know that you will never please anyone doing that and the result is feeling empty inside. But this scientist was willing to try.
So I ended up where I started, being myself, wanting a relationship and caring about the problems of the girls I am interested in enough to be a perfect Friendzone candidate. The Beauty I met is awesome in so many ways. She is that special that I could easily make this one spectacular but pathetic beg for another chance. But I need to accept that I am that special, that I deserve better and someone else will like me for more then this. The only way You and I will ever learn that is to just say “no thanks” and walk away.