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Almost 40 years ago my first wife and I went for a ride in the farm country near Chandler AZ. It was all flat farm land then with few houses or trees. There was a full rainbow. It was real bright and we decided to see if we could get to the end of it. Well it took some driving but we got there and it came down right on the road. As we drove through it you could see the colors all around the car. Just as we passed through there was a hen with her wings spread shielding about a dozen little yellow chicks from the rain. I have felt ever since that I did indeed find the gold at the end of the rainbow.
My best memories seem to be of things like that.


Buffalo

I went to the first grade in Middletown Indiana. After a few days I told my mother I didn't want to go back. She ask why and I told her they made me sit in back with JoeJoe who shit his pants and he stunk.

My mother took me to see the teacher and ask why I was in back. the teacher told her I was rather slow and mom ask why she thought that. The teacher said he just sleeps in reading.

Mom had her hand her an adult book off of her desk and gave it to me and told me to read for her witch I did. I had taught myself to read when I was three and by six was reading better then a lot of high school kids.

Well when they find out your smart they start to test you witch they did. My IQ always came out around 165.
I didn't go to the second or third grade for reasons that are still not clear to me but three years later I went into the forth grade. I loved it. By this time we had moved outside of a little town of Dalton Indiana.

Dalton had a three room school and eight grades so I was in my eliment. There was always something going on. The teachers would teach me as fast as I could learn and I loved school. It was the place where I felt safest in this world.

Then I went to high school in Hagerstown Indiana. It was torture. They were teaching the dumbest kid in the class and I was bored to death. I would rather be in jail then another day in that school. Nothing was taught in the year and a half that I had not known from the sixth grade except some Spanish taught by a football coach who had never met a Mexican or Spaniard.

As soon as I was old enough I quit and soon after went in the navy. I had a lot of fun and wanted to do "20" but after 10 years my drinking was getting real bad and I had came close to getting kicked out a time or two so I got out..

Then came the jails and flop houses. By the time I got sober I had enough brain damage that I was not that smart kid I once was. I have recovered a lot and I'm doing OK. I went to school a few years ago where they did an IQ and it came out 136. Ain't that something? I drank so much I knocked 30 points off my IQ! Enough for tonight.

Pictures of my 3 room school and the old farm house.

I had a hard life as a small child. I was abused in about every way you
can be. Not as bad as some but a lot more then most.

Then I came down with a terrible disease. A disease that left me crippled

for the next twenty years. The name of that disease is self pity. That and the
related illnesses that go with it. Self centeredness, selfishness and
these bring on low self esteem and an over sized ego.

As I look back I see that those diseases did me far more harm then the

abuse ever did. The abuse was over with in a few years but the disease carried

on well into my forties. It put me in jails,hospitals and dangerous places. It dam near
killed me several times.

This disease was self inflicted. I didn't catch it from mom or dad. It didn't come from unprotected sex. It came from my unwillingness to take responsibility for my own life.

It is much easier to blame others for your unhappiness then it is to face your challenges
and go on. But the results are not as rewording.
Sad to say I find I'm still self centered. But at least today I'm not crippled by it.

When my first wife and I first moved to Phoenix we lived in a rented trailer in Peralta's trailer park. Mr. Peralta, an 80 year old Mexican American whose ancestors settled in Arizona while it was still Mexico came around each week to collect the rent.
Now Peralta's was about as low as you could get in phoenix at that time. $5 a week rent and people from the slums felt sorry for us as they went by on the bus.
Mr Peralta came around to collect the rent each week and I think we were the only ones who had it every week. As he was leaving he'd always say the same thing"No children, no pets" Why I remember this is because our cat would be rubbing on his legg the whole time.
Ever since then I have known if you have cash in hand you can get away with the small things in life.

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night and this memory came to me
from almost sixty years ago.
It was the spring I turned thirteen. My mom and dad were riding in the
car and hit a bump. My mother's bowl twisted and before they could get
to the hospital it burst filling the abdominal cavity. This was almost
always fatal in those days and serious today. She was in the hospital
for over a month and for three weeks of that month they didn't have much
hope.

One evening I was working in the garden as it got dark. I had the
rows dug so all I had to do was stick the sweet corn in the ground so I
was working after dark. My father pulled the tractor up to the edge of
the field and walked up to the house.

The full moon had just risen and as he walked between me and the moon he was singing. My mothers middle name was Carolina and he was singing Carolina Moon. He had a wonderful voice witch was a surprise because I had never heard him sing before.

I set there on the ground and let him pass for I knew if he knew I was
there it would embarrass him. I never heard him sing again.

It's funny I should remember that wonderful night so long ago when I found out my
father had a wonderful voice and loved my mother.

One night some friends or as close to friends as I had in those days and myself were drinking in the Ace O Hearts bar in Longbeach.
Let me tell you about the Ace O Hearts bar. It was located on the Santa Fe strip in Longbeach. Far from the best part of town. Just up from the piers the er...clientele was a rather rough crowd. Truth is at that time I fit in well there. Hell I had a guy there ask me to kill his wife once. They were from India and she was acting too much like an American to suit him. I turned him down, not for any moral reason but because he was not willing to pay near enough.
Any way back to my story.
We had been drinking for a while and there was a nut at the end of the bar shouting and talking to himself, not unusual at this joint. He walked out and after a bit we decided to go to another joint down the street.
As we started out the door the first guy out jumped back in and said "Look out he's got a knife!" The guy behind him was talking and didn't hear him so he walked out. I went out and the nut had him down and was stabing him. Everyone else came out gawking. I grabbed the nut by the arm that was swinging the knife and twisted it up behind his back. The guy that was stabbed jumped up and ran back in the bar and everyone else went with him and left me holding a nut with a knife!
I'm telling him to let go of the knife and he is jumping around trying to get away. I tell him if he drops the knife I'll let him go and he is still jumping around. Finally he drops the knife and I kick it over under some bushes.
I let go and he takes off. I go back in the bar and every one else is setting drinking beer as if nothing has happened. After a bit one guys wife shows up with a car and they drive the guy who was stabbed off to get some stitches. We forgot we were leaving and set there drinking. No one even ask what I did with the guy with the knife.

J.Winkel's name was Dwayne L. I have no idea how he got the name J.
Winkel but he did. J.Winkel and I fought every school day from the 4th
grade to the 6th. I have no idea why and neither does he. But go at it
we would. Some times I'd win some times he'd win but fight we would. Almost every day.
Then one day we talked. Neither of us could remember what we didn't like
about the other except the fighting. We became the best of friends. We'd
pull things on each other though. Friends do that.

We ran a trap line together for several years. Out at 4:30 am in sub zero weather, rain or snow all for a few dollars. One time someone had been taking our traps and we thought we knew who so we thought to take some of his. We parked J. Winkel's pick-up and were going down this creek picking up traps when someone started shooting at us. We took off at a dead run for the pick-up. I was ahead of him by 25ft at the start.J. Winkel stood 5' 8'' and 210lb. I was 5'11'' and 145lb and had been on the track team. By the time we got to the truck J.Winkle had passed me and had the truck started.
We traded horses together also. We'd go to the auction and if they were selling low, we would buy a horse. If the were selling high we would sell one. By the time I was 16 I had saved enough to buy a 2yo ford convertible. I went into the service and J Winkle stayed at home. My parents moved to Florida and I never went back to that town. Thirty years later I called J.Winkel and found we were both in the air conditioning business. I think what we were fighting about was I could see in him what I didn't like about me. He and I were both loners and didn't want to be. We just had a hard time being around people. I think when we became friends we learned how to be friends with others.
I went through there 5 years ago. J Winkel has been married to the same woman almost 50 years and is farming the farm his grandfather farmed. He and his wife both run close to 300lb and seem happy. I doubt I'll ever see or hear from him again.

I have been to Thailand twice. The second time I was on a merchant ship that pulled in there to drop off two holds of Budweiser beer. I did not take a draw so I didn't have a lot of money. I went into town and got drunk and spent the night. I don't remember if I picked up a whore or not. I doubt it because by this time drinking was more important then sex.
The next morning I was setting in a joint trying to get a beer to stay down when an Indian fortune teller came up and wanted to tell my fortune. I told him to go away and that I had no money to give him. That was true, I was down to rickshaw fair by then. He said he'd tell me my fortune and I
could pay him later. I said go ahead and he did.
This is what he told me. I was going to a place I didn't know I was going to and would be met by someone I didn't expect to see. That person would know where I was going before I did. I would have two children but no one to carry my name on. I would have many blessings but the greatest would be helping others and that would be my salvation. I'd live long and be very wealthy but have no money. God would watch out for me always and I'd find serenity.
I said thanks and he went away and I never have seen him again so far. We went from Thailand to China and then home. We were to pull into San Francisco but that was changed to L.A. Then changed again to New Orleans and 6 hours before there to Tampa.
On the pier in Tampa was the woman who became my first wife in from San Pedro. She had been in Tampa three days.
Three years later we married and had two children both girls. Five years after I saw this man I got sober and one of the ways I stay sober is helping others.It is also the most rewarding thing I have ever done.
I have lived longer than I ever thought I would and I think I am the wealthiest man I know. My total monetary worth would not buy a good suit of clothes. Serenity is a strange thing. I have it most of the time but it is like smoke. When you try to grasp it it slips away.
I feel God has blessed me every day of my life. It's just hard to see some days. I think this forum is a blessing. I wonder if any of you have any idea how much being able to talk about all these things without holding back helps me

I have hesitated to tell this because I am not sure that I couldn't get
in trouble about it yet. I worked in Vietnam in 1968 for a company
called LSI. I was on an army base with all the good stuff the US army
can supply. My job was to patch up choppers. The pay was good and I found I
was good at rounding up things the outfit needed without filling out all the
paper work. In the army it's called scrounging. Civilians call it grand larceny.
A few months after I got back I had ran through all my cash and it was a
lot of cash. I was looking for a job in the paper when I saw an add in the LA paper for
soldiers of fortune. There was a number so I called and told them what I
had done in Nam. They were interested so I went and talked to them. They
led me to believe I would be working indirectly for the CIA fixing
choppers so I signed on. I was to fly to Mexico and from there on to a
place south of there.
When I got to where I was going I found I was working with the rebels and they
didn't even have a chopper. What they wanted was to show who ever they were trying
to convert to there side that they had an American with them.
They had guns that were everything from home made zip guns to AK47s. I ended up with a WW1 Springfield. I ended up going on raids with them and the only time I tried to fire that gun it miss fired so I never fired a shot. I had no money or I would have been gone.
We stayed in shacks and old pick up trucks. Had what ever kind of crap we could round up to eat. The only guy there that could speak English got hit and I
never saw him again.
They made there big mistake after a month and gave me my first weeks pay. The first chance I got I took off and got to an airport leaving all I had behind. Getting to the airport took walking about 50 miles through country controlled by the people I had been trying (not too hard) to kill the day before. All the while wearing an US army surplus uniform. I had to fly back into Mexico and then sneak back into the US at San Diego.
Several years later I found out I had been on the wrong side and was now a criminal. I think the charge would be treason. So, if any law men are reading this I want you to know this is a work of fiction. The war I never went to.

I was setting in Irene bar at 6th and Beacon about 11pm. I'm on my last
beer and not near drunk enough. Been drinking beer because my money was
low and now gone. This beer is piss warm and stale but I'll drink it in
a bit. Just don't want to go back to my room.
Too many roaches, too many voices. Pissed the bed last night and it's still
wet, no clean sheets till day after tomorrow.
Frances is going down the bar trying to find a live one. She is about 30
and been working the streets about 16 years.She ain't bad, was a real looker
in her day but life's been hard. I think she would be fat except she is a speed
freak on top of all the Canadian Club she drinks.
She parks her ass next to me and asks me to buy. Told her I got
nada and expect her to move on. I never bought no ass off her so she
never ask now but I do spring for a drink now and then. She ask "You
change to beer?". I say no coin, no rum. She buys me one, and another
and a bunch.
She wants to know if I want to get laid. I say I really got
no coin. "That's OK lets go." I think about the wet bed and told her we
can't go to my place. We go to her apt. She only has one bed and two
kids.
WE put the kids in the living room and do our thing and then I
could sleep. Wake up 2-3 hours later wet. Her boy has got in bed with us
and we are all three wet. She gives the little fucker hell for wetting
the bed.
While I'm up I went home. To this day I don't know who pissed
that bed but if he did he sure held a lot for a small boy.
I drank with Frances a time or two after that but never was invited home again.