An only child . I grew up in a home that was empty of love . My Mother could not bear to look at me . She told me that she had never loved me. She was cold and unfeeling . She herself had been a beauty . She said that I was cursed just as she had been . I was protected from my mother by my maid . She was the only person in my early life that I felt safe with. My father I saw very little of . He travelled a great deal . He spent a lot of the year outside of the country we lived in . I never knew what his business was . All I needed to know was that my father was a wealthy man. I attended a private school where I gained academic excellence. All of the years in the school I never gained a friend. I spent my time in a bubble , my world , my safe place , on my own.
My life changed following the untimely death of my father . Unknown to myself ,least of all to my mother , my father had another family in South America. A wife and five children . At this time I was fifteen years old . I was sent out to live with the other family of my father. The decision was made by my mother who was glad to see the back of me . I still to this day have no idea what became of my mother. My maid did keep some correspondence with me for a while but then that stopped. I made no attempt to find out why. My new life I can describe as being thrown into a world of heat, noise and abuse. I had lived my life up until then comfortably , but without love or affection. In South America , my new home , I lived a life without comfort,without love or affection but now abuse entered my world.
My mother had hated me but had mostly ignored me. My stepmother hated me but I did not have the comfort of her ignoring me . She set out to make my life a living hell . It started slowly , embarrassing me , drawing attention to me , she often touched me in front of other members of her family . I could not at this time understand what she was saying . Later I learned that she named me" Fathers whore ", I didn't know but she had plans for me. I no longer attended any school except for the school of life within the family. The home was isolated and the land around was bordered by a large wall. The security was major. I lived in a two room bungalow that was in a courtyard at the rear of the house. It had an outside toilet and a cold outdoor shower . The younger children would watch me shower and call me names. The adults would watch me and jerk off . I was in hell and no way out.
I don't know how I survived my days let alone my nights . I think I built up a wall higher than the one protecting the house. Only I could not protect myself when it came to what happened to my body. I can only explain that I closed off my mind and was outside of myself .It began that at any time after nightfall my stepmother would visit me . First of all she came alone later she always brought someone else . She would do what ever she wanted with me . This at first I told myself I could survive . When she became more confident ,she would use means of torture. Heat and cold . She would burn my body hair ,hold my head under freezing water . I wanted her to let me die ,but my human urge to survive was too strong and she was too good at what she did. She would have men or women watching and afterwards they could enjoy me as well as her. I by now was not the beauty who had arrived a year earlier. I was thin and suffered sores and abrasions from the torture. Yet I survived. The sons of my father were allowed to do as they wanted with me . They were more their mothers sons . I could not think of them as my fathers . The worst was when my stepmother in a drunken state brought a crowd to my courtyard and put a donkey to mount me . Following this I was left alone for some time . I had been ripped open below and my blood loss was massive . I think they left me for dead. I remember going in and out of conciseness and drinking from a bowl . It had been my urine I had been drinking. I did not die , I woke in my bungalow . It was unrecognisable. The furniture ,what there was , was turned up and I was in a bed of rags under a tipped up chest of draws. The smell was foul. Thats when I realised I was still alive . I heard a noise that made me shake with fright . What was coming for me next? It was my scream . I think I screamed for some time. I was on my own.