Well where should I begin? As of now I'm 19 years old and attending college in Wisconsin. I have a lot of friends, pretty good grades, my eyes set on a great career, a job, and so much else going good for me.
However, there is one thing about my life that I find rather....irritating. I'm a virgin. I know that some people will tell me (or have told me) that it isn't that bad or they wish they were virgins too but I find those statements false. Honestly it really sucks to not have any memories of the feeling of a woman's warm body against mine. I've tried a lot of different things but sadly nothing has come to be a successful move.
The closest I ever got to finally tossing the V-Card was when I was younger and I had a girlfriend of over a year who I thought was the love of my life. I can't really think of why it never happened but it just didn't. As we got further into our relationship I found out she was sleeping with a close friend of mine and that was the end of it. I have only talked to her once since breaking up with her only to find out that she has a kid. I think that maybe that was the reason why it never happened because I literally broke down afterwards and shelled myself up so as to not get hurt that much again. Since then I have only been on 2 dates total and when we broke up was my Junior Year of High School.
As days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and soon years passed I just never was able to get close enough to a girl to finally learn what it feels like to love someone physically. I asked a few girls out here and there but all but twice I was rejected. The two girls that did go out with me ended up breaking things off after a while. One of the girls I am still very good friends with and hang out all the time the other however apparently told me that the only reason she hung out with me period was because she wanted to make her boyfriend jealous. After he dumped her she told me that she thought I was unattractive and didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
Although recently I had the chance to finally have sex but I walked out. There was a party at my house where I live with a few friends and one of the girls I know relatively well had a little too much to drink and pretty much threw herself at me. I thought that this would be my chance but I realized that I couldn't do it. Not because I was too nervous or anything but because I felt like I was taking advantage. I was well aware of what was going on but I learned the next day that she didn't remember anything from that night. It may seem stupid to a lot of people but I've always wanted to be able to hold myself as a gentleman. I don't believe chivalry is dead so I couldn't in my mind ever think of, what I thought at the time, taking advantage of someone.
My friends keep telling me to just find some sluttly girl at a party but something in my head keeps telling me not to. I don't want my first time (or anytime for that matter) to be with someone I probably will never even see afterwards. With that mentality I'll probably be waiting a long time but maybe then it would feel more special or something.
I have always thought that sex shouldn't be just the physical act but also the emotional part as well. 'To make love' instead of 'to fuck.' Though honestly I feel like I'll never know what it is like if I don't just "sleep around." Most of the guys I know that have had luck with women just go after the first girl they see and don't have the same problem as me. So honestly should I wait more hoping that maybe I'll come across a girl that would make it special or should I just throw caution to the wind and sleep with the first drunk girl that ventures into my bedroom? Hopefully I'll make the decision soon and I hope it is the right one.