So, I’m not a great chef or even cook, rather have a cheesesandwich than spend hours in the kitchen slaving over a hot stove just to havethe results gobbled down in minutes.
But I do have a few things I like to make, cheese and chilliscones, tuna and choc chip muffins, and a nice chilli con carne.
Now, when I lived in Australia, every few weeks or sowhen I visited my (ex) girlfriend she would get me to make a chilli. So I wouldgo to the supermarket to buy the ingridience (spell check what are ya playingat!!! “Imprudence” is not the word I’m looking for!) ingrediance (no suggestionon that one!) ingredanse? (sheesh! I’m going word blind!) Let’s stick with “themakings of!” Ok, so I’d go to thesupermarket for “the makings of” the chilli and just take whatever they had instock. I always use about half a dozen fresh chillies, whatever they have onthe shelf. This time they had somelittle shrivelled red ones, like small red peppers. I had not seen these beforeso I just put em in the bag.
Back in the kitchen I started cooking. Shove the mincemeatin the pan, lace it with chilli powder, chilli flakes and chilli sauce, and getit cooking while I do the other stuff, drain the kidney beans, open the tinnedtomatoes, cut up the other stuff, the mushrooms, peppers, chillies. Then when that’s all done stick itall in the pan at once, put the lid on and let it cook. (Notice no onion orgarlic? Hate the stuff!)
All done till time for the rice later.
As it was cooking I went to the loo, not for a 1, but for anumber 2! (Hey, that rhymes!)
When I had finished, I began to experience a little tingleat my perineum. (wiki says “It isgenerally defined as the surface region in both males and females between thepubic symphysis and the coccyx.” I say,that little bit of soft flesh between the balls and the bum on a guy andbetween the pussy and the ass on a lass) the perineum can be a very sensitivearea of the body, great for playing with during sex….
The tingling was nice at first….. For about 5 seconds. Thenit began to become uncomfortable. Then it began to sting. Then it began tohurt. Then it began to bloody hurt! Then it turned to agony! We all know whatrubbing your eyes after cutting chilli does, but I’ve never done that before.And nope, never used gloves to cut up chillies, always bare hands.
By now I was in more than a little discomfort, (understatementof the day!) doubled over in pain and trying to ransack the bathroom cabinetfor some (any!) cream! (No luck!) I decided a cold bath would help. Bigmistake!! As soon as I lowered myselfgently into the bath, the pain exploded worse than I could have imagined, theonly time I’ve felt pain like it was when I had kidney stones.
My girl friend eventually found me curled up in a ball nakedon the bed sobbing my eyes out.
Eventually after about 2 hours, the pain subsided enough towalk. But it was three days before it totally vanished!
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED!
After doing some internet research I found the chillies wereHabanero chillies, (see pic)
Habanero are one of the hottest chillies normaly available.(See the “Scoville chilli heat chart, available at any good google search!!”)
Milk or yoghurt is best for easing the burn of chillies. Ohif only I had had a bath of milk! (Good for the skin too!)
The seeds of the chilli are not the hottest bits!
Habaneros are also called Satan’s chillies!
“The making of” can also be known as…… ingredients!