Posted by SirFoggy , Mon Mar 24, 2014 02:48 PM
Being a man myself I'll limit this to how you as a man should approach this subject, and what are the important aspects for you to consider. This is not to say that women can't use the same approach, quite contrary. Most of the important aspects are inherent to all humans so they work both ways.
What you would like to try to introduce to your sex life could be as simple as some anal play, something more elaborate as role playing, or as extreme as BDSM. It doesn't matter, really ... some basic principles apply to them all.
There are many sites on the net advising on this and similar issues; some are good, some not that much. There are some important basic principles you can read about below.
Trust or nothing
Does she trust you? Not just in the bedroom but in general? For most women, trust is very important and quite the aphrodisiac. What she really wants is to feel and be assured that your sexual and emotional feelings are about her. Woman often has sex for reasons other than just the pleasure itself. She needs to be liked and seen as beautiful and wanted. Connection and trust are vital, it is more likely for her to let her inner 'beast' out to play and explore when this happens.
Talk about sex - but not just in the bedroom
It is interesting how often people feel embarrassed to talk about sex, not just with their friends but with their partners, too. It is interesting as well how many hope that their SO will somehow figure out how they feel and what they want. Sorry to break the news but mind reading only works in the movies.
Needles to say, improving sexual honesty and communication skills is something a lot of people should be working on. Sex is very important part of every relationship and so is talking about it. Just like with any other activity more you talk about sex it will become easier and feel more natural. Sooner you start, sooner will you get there.
To start honestly and openly talking about sex with your partner you have to be honest and open about it to your self. One of the key things you should be honest about is what sex really means to you? Is it something that compliments and enriches your relationship? Or it is the only thing that matters?
Another thing to consider are the fantasies. What do you expect and hope for from your partner? How well do you know your own fantasies? Are you comfortable with them? Comfortable enough not just to fantasize but openly talk about and act upon them? How about fantasies your partner might have? How open would you be to them? Not just to listen but to accept them?
Bottom line, be open, honest, and comfortable with your own fantasies. Not just that but which ones might be really important to you and which ones you could go with out. It would be foolish and irresponsible to start talking about them with your partner if you are not clear about them yourself.
Encourage her curiosity
We guys are pretty straight forward and quite predictable. Even when we are not in the 'hunting' mood, it is not very likely that we would turn down sex when presented with the opportunity. Women, on the other hand, like to think - or rather, feel - about it before you are presented with a Yes, No, or Maybe. Problem here is that most times women are in that "Maybe" mind frame. Not because they don't like or enjoy sex but because they see their own desires in relationship to desires of the man they are with.
In essence, a lot of women have sexual desires as the complement to their relationship; not in and on their own right. If you want her to open up sexually you should start encouraging her sexual curiosity so that she becomes more aware of her body and it's reactions, her own desires, her fantasies and her boundaries. Be with her along the way ... but meet her some where half way ... ;)
DON'T push too hard
No matter what you would like or want your partner to do, don't push too hard. If you do, she will feel pressured and forced into doing things she might not be comfortable with. There are things we all like to do, there are those we might like to try, but there are some which we simply wouldn't do no matter what. So pay close attention and listen, don't try to talk her into something she might be uncomfortable with but give her the space and let her come to you. If you don't, you will find your self hitting the walls she brought up to protect herself. Which is exactly the opposite of where you want to be.
Think sexual ... act sensual
Arguably the best and fastest way for her to become more sexually adventurous is for her to get out of a mental process and safely land into her body’s sensations ... at the pace she feels comfortable with. The quickest way to get her to feel her own body is with sensual play feeding her senses. Some examples below:
See: something beautiful ... whatever that may be to her.
Hear: some nice sensual music.
Touch: Yes, touch in and on it's own right is very good; think of a stimulating massage here. Or slow dance, and I mean really slow dance, so you can really feel each others body vibrations.
Taste: feed her some strawberries. Just make sure she is not allergic to them. Not many people are but ... ;)
Smell: scented candles. Keep in mind that not all scented candles are suitable. Make sure those you are using are not of the kind designed for deep relaxation. You want her relaxed but not THAT relaxed ... ;)
To sum all this up, room with dimmed lights, some strategically placed scented candles, sensual music ... whipped cream and strawberries on your bodies ... lick away!
Don't be so damn predictable
Again, it's about us men being pretty straight forward and quite predictable. Since the day we found something springing to life in our pants we have found the way to deal with it. Which was OK back then but not so OK now you that have a partner. Just taking care of your erection wont do much good any longer. As funny (or sad) it may sound, it appears as if some men haven't yet heard of this.
Contrary to the popular belief, penis is NOT the only sexual organ man has. You have your whole body and your mind to please your partner. Being a man myself I know how tempting to just push your throbbing erection into that hot velvety wetness can be. Certainly, there are times when just that is appropriate and expected. But most times it is not. Take your time to explore and arouse your partner. If you do, sooner rather than later you'll be invited to fill out that pulsating and aching space between her legs.
Don't be a slave to your erections, don't rush to stick it in and get done with. If you do, you will become predictable ... which over the time turns into repetitive and boring. Repetitive and boring is #1 sexual life killer. So just ... don't.
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