I WILL NOT masturbate, particularly with penetration, via my fingers or whatever else. I only recently with an ex of mine, tried a toy and i was only ok with that because HE used it on me as a form of foreplay. If i have to have an orgasm that bad i will only give myself a clitoral orgasm and i will immediately shower. I find it appalling. And even after a shower i still feel disgusting!
Nothing against those who do. By any means whatsoever.
IN FACT one of my biggest turn ons is to get pictures or videos of a man covered in cum after he's got himself off. I love it and its an insta-turn on.
But myself? NO thanks. I have issues even touching myself in any manner to take dirty pictures. Or when my Aunt Flow visits every month. Gross.
And here's why.
Molestation. (OMG did she just say that?) Yes. I did. My father wanted to "teach me how to masturbate so i never had to have sex" Needless to say, he actually succeeded in QUITE the opposite. I am however, not affected by it sexually in any other way. Which the is question i get ALL the time "omg do you have issues or anything with having sex because of it" No. I in fact, love sex!!! Why should i let a man with a fucked up moral compass determine what i do with the rest of my life? I dont. I am perfectly functioning, just hate touching my own vagina! I think thats a pretty good trade off if i dont say so myself!
I've found that contrary to popular belief, i love talking about experiences like this particular one in my life. The more i talk about it, the less it controls me, and the greater chances i'll be able to help someone else who has been through something similar! I have PTSD because of it, but as long as i dont see or hear Howard Stern I'm fine!!
And end on a lighter note:
I often get made fun of and told I'm a lesbian. (cuz apparently having short hair and being covered in tattoos and piercings makes me look like one, thanks assholes!) IN FACT I went to a local gay bar and had two lesbians corner me and basically attack me telling me that i wasnt fooling anybody, i was a lesbian and i needed to come out of the closet and stop "hiding behind the D" My issue with this is, vagina. I dont touch my own, how the hell would i touch another's?
I AM massively turned on by women, however, and prefer lesbian porn to any other... but the idea of touching a vagina, grosses me out. And what kind of person would i be to only let the sex there go one way? Thats just not fair. One of my biggest fantasies is to have a threesome with two women and a man. *drools* But i feel i would have to get black out drunk to get passed my own mental blocks against it... and at that point it seems pretty irrelevant to me because i wouldn't even remember it. oh a day in the life! So i will dream through my lesbian porns and continue making out with girls when im drunk..... it works for me for now!