I spent christmas here, logged in for many many hours while I was holed up on my sofa for virtually 24 hours a day.
I spent new years eve here and welcomed in the new year in 7 time zones wishing our members a Happy New Year as each one came and went.
My wish at midnight last year was that 2010 would be a turning point for my marriage, that my husband would come to me with the reason for his withdrawel of sex, that we'd fix the problem and fall back into the loving passionate relationship we once had, I also hoped that should this happen, then we'd get to work on starting our own family unit together.
Well I clearly wasn't a good enough girl last year as for the first time in my life, my wishes and dreams didn't come true, if anything, things got worse.
In March or so of this year, I realised that I was going to have to make some dramatic changes to my life in 2010, it was time to cut out tolerances and live surrounded by positivity, cutting all negativity out and focusing on the good, in the hope that it would change how low I was feeling.
I'm never a sad person, it takes a lot to wear me out, but being newly married and having a sexless relationship, would take its toal on anyone.
I was at a course on ambitions and how to succeed in business, and an excercise we were given at that course was about clearing tolerances from your life and scoring your happiness, recognising your tolerances and deciding what to do about them
I thought a lot on my marriage and I realise it is making me so unhappy. The no sex is a nightmare, it led to a massive drop in confidence in me, both sexually, physically and emotionally, I was more sad than upbeat, I love my husband but he's more like a friend than a lover and I can't be happy there if I don't have what I deserve in a relationship.
I came home to Northern Ireland for a wedding and stayed for 2 weeks, went back to Scotland and decided that I was moving back home, moving back to family and friends that i'd neglected, didn't see enough, didn't talk to enough and I hoped also it would be the boot up the arse that my husband needed to sort this marriage out.
I moved in September and i've never looked back, I miss friends in edinburgh, but not enough to move back to my husband, I actually don't miss him at all. We talk on the phone, text message each other but that tends to more of a "feeling you should" thing than a massive desire to speak to him, or a real want for him.
So i've told my family and friends now about the marriage, confided about my feelings and how the no sex has affected me, its been 13 months now since my husband laid a finger on me sexually and its simply not good enough. My fears about people not understanding were unfounded and everyone that i've told supports me.
My husband is still talking about moving here, he knows that the end is nigh, but he still is burying his head in the sand.
I've got my new baby nephew, my neice who is 2 yrs old, and seeing my family and how it grew and progressed without me, made me realise how much I want that family of my own, I want my own husband/lover/partner and I want to be happy again.
So my wishes for 2011, are as follows:
I want to have my marriage end without too many casualites, I don't want to hurt anyone but i'm certain that everyone will be hurt by my decision, I just hope they remember that its an impossible situation for me to have been in and I'm leaving because I have no other option.
I want a new relationship, I want a man for me, a man that wants me like he wants nothing else.
I will be looking for someone that gives me the following.
trust and respect, its vital to have that in a relationship, I automatically trust people and always give respect where its deserved, i expect that returned to me.
Love and loyalty, I'm very loyal when i'm in a happy relationship, yes i'll have my head turned but i'll never contemplate cheating, I expect that returned to me also, Love I have so much to give, and I want someone to share in it, I want to lavish someone with affection and love, and have it given to me in return
Security and comfort, well we all want that, what more way can you feel secure than when you're in your lovers arms, engaged in a huge hug and you feel so comfortable and loved, I love to hug and cuddle, i think the world can be cured with them and they are actually vital to human life and wellbeing. I have so many to give and want to receive as many back with love to me.
honesy and happiness, i'm very honest with my partners and expect the same in return, nothing in the past matters, its what is in the present and future that counts, happiness comes with trust, respect, love, loyalty, security and comfort so they all tie in together, you have to have them all in equal measure to have a good relationship. Throw an excellent sex life together into that, a willing ness to experiment and enjoy each other and i'm flying!
Of course there is a lot more to throw into that mixture, but they come as you grow together and get to know each other more.
So, in a nutshell, in 2011, i'll be looking for a new man, a partner, someone that will engage in all of the above, that will share my hopes and dreams, that may be a part of making them a reality and someone that will love me as much as i'll love them.
I don't think its a big ask, we'll see though. I'll be back with updates as we move through each month, but until then, Happy Christmas to everyone here, I hope you all feel the love this christmas, I hope you all enjoy it and have a wish list of your own for 2011.
14 Comments On This Entry
looking forward to 2011
Being a SexForums Moderator
Meeting again for another night together
A little Quickie in the car at midnight
Amazing happenings of Sexforums.com!
Fantasy or Daydream sex
Need sex now... like right now!
Oral Sex , oh yes its delicious!
- Dominic88 on Duchess has taken a Lover.
- Duchess on Duchess has taken a Lover.
- kknights2290 on Duchess has taken a Lover.
- dutchbear on Duchess has taken a Lover.
- OzzyDevil on Duchess has taken a Lover.
- galb911 on Duchess has taken a Lover.
- Foxy Lady on Duchess has taken a Lover.
- ElVatoe on Duchess has taken a Lover.
- bbfrancis on Duchess on Facebook
- slammin45 on Duchess has taken a Lover.