After I got the pellet stove up and running I went to the kitchen where we keep all the rubber bands. My favorites are pink ones of very small diameter about a half inch wide. They stretch enough I can capture my balls without too much discomfort (but that is part of the reason for using them).
I’m also cleanly shaven and keep myself that way. I like the feeling and the visual look of a bare pubis. Part of that isbecause I find pubic hair on anyone a definite turn off and that comes, I think, because as a child in my formative years never saw an adult crotch. The few pubes’ I ever saw were of children and, I think, I was imprinted with the idea of bare pubes. Today I am still aroused by men and women who are bare between their legs. In fact I actually find hairy crotches disgusting.
Yesterday I tired some things I’ve never done before. I have been obsessed with somehow decorating my penis and scrotum. I found a permanent marker, red and another yellow that I could use. The red I used to color the head of my penis. I’d found out the day before, using watercolor paint, that allowing my foreskin to do it’s cover thing only got red oneverything. Not what I really wanted so yesterday I got a small, narrow rubberband and put it over my penis in such a way to hold the foreskin back away from the glans.
I’m not a vain person and seldom look in mirrors to see myself but when I restrain my balls and sometimes my penis I find it hard not to look at myself in a mirror while caressing myself. The feeling of the smooth, almost shiny ball sack is nearly irresistible. I turn this way and that to get a better view. I love the way my testicles are pulled forward instead of hanging limply between my legs. I like to think women would find that view intriguing. In fact I’m going to go out to the living room right now to look at myself and maybe take some more pictures of my “handy work”.
I’m not sure why but I was suddenly struck with the thought that I have a number of thong panties for men so I went looking for them. I have about half dozen or more and after looking them over decided on the black ones. I wasn’t happy with the look of them when I put them on. They seem to negate the look of what I’m wanting. They seem to be something I could wear to almost any beach and no one would notice. After some thought I got some string out to tie the top together so I’d still be completely covered yet retain some of the visual effect I want. Too, I took some pictures which Ithink I’ll include here in my journal.
The first one is me from the front completely naked.
This one below is with the rubber bands restraining my balls but also my cock though it may be difficult to tell.
I I particularly like the next one since thereis a good view of my head of my penis and the rubber band.
The following images have me wearing theblack thong panties (mens) that have been tied up so more of me can be seen. It excites me to see a woman wearing a string bikini that works it’s way upbetween her outer libia. That has inspired me to modify my bikini in such away that my penis shape is a bit obviousbut also does nothing to hide my balls.
If a woman can get away with extremely scantybathing suits why can’t a man? So here are a few images of me wearing the little black thong panties hiding little more than my penis. I so want to beable to go outside to a beach and be able to wear such a reveling piece of clothing?
God, the depths of my depravity: Dressed in just what you see here in the last photos I went outside to pick the outside thermometer up so I can see the temp from inside the house. It was calculated and exciting; the possibility I would be seen and reported was intense. I don’t know why Iwould take such a chance except it turns me on.
Oddly enough the sexual tension doesn’t produce a hard on like I’d like it to. Even so the compulsion is almost toomuch to resist. I’ll have to be more careful in the future.
I want a woman to dominate me, to make me her absolute slave 24/7. I would gladly give up all responsibilities. I would be happy to make myself available to any of her friends who might want to touch and fondle me and to make me into her personal cocksucker for her lovers. I’ve always fantasized watching my wife fuck and suck a lover. I’ve actually been there.
One night when my brother was visiting us Italked my wife into going out into the living room where my brother was sleeping and offering herself to him. My wife didn’t want me to be there to watch as I wanted nor would she allow any light other than what filtered through the front window curtains.
As quickly as she left the bedroom I creptout into the hall stopping just short of the end of the wall. As I stood there, naked, I listened as they coupled. The sound of their whispers and physical movements was more than I could take and I began to jack off. I madeit back to the bedroom before my wife returned and I don’t remember ever telling her what I’d done. What I really wanted was to watch as he stuck his penis into her, wanted to see his penis as it slipped into her vagina, wantedto be an active participant but still managed to have a super big orgasm while jacking off in the hallway.
Apparently that broke the ice as they say because months later she admitted she’d been fucked by my brother and a friendat a later time. Wish I’d been there. She indicated they “forced” her (I thing with persuasion rather than physical force) but never suggested she was totally against their desire. I suspect she rather enjoyed it even though I suspect she put up a superficial struggle.
God, how I’d have loved to have been there then, to encourage her and to let her know how much I loved her at that time.
Watching Dr Oz one day he mentioned that urine while still in the bladder and as it is pissed out is sterile. Having learned that and as kinky as I am I decided to try pissing on myself, my mouth and hair and as much of my body as I could. The bathtub is a wonderful place to do it. I lay down and put my legs on the special stool we got for my wife (longstory, THR). I then raise my ass as far as I can and watch as my stream shoot straight up into the air. I have to direct my stream so it splashes on my chest and face. I even open my mouth so the stream goes into it. I haven’t yet gotten up the gumption to swallow any but sooner or later I will. However I do know It tastes slightly salty.
Right now I’m finishing a drink (Harvey Wall Banger) and am beginning to feel the pressure in my bladder. It’s not enough to make me desperate to relieve myself but it is getting close. I generally wait until I begin to leak a little and not able to really hold it in. I’m going to try to make a cup of coffee which also goes through me quickly.
Didn’t get the chance to drink a cup ofcoffee. The pressure was beginning to get intense. Went into the kitchen and started a cup but before I managed to get it into the microwave I began to dribble. I ran to the bathroom and started the hot water (for clean up after peeing on myself). It was becoming harder to contain my pee so quickly as Icould lay down in the tub and got my legs over the shower stool.
As soon as I was settled I let my pee go.There was a glorious stream shooting into the air its fall out wetting my ballsand thighs. Reaching up I took my penis in both hands and began directing the stream onto my chest, face and hair. Again I opened my mouth to let the liquid get into it. I still couldn’t find it in me to swallow but did get that saltytaste.
There was pee in my eyes (slightly stingy like salt water). I love wetting myself like that.
As things progress I have more fantasies.Along with a dominate woman controlling my every move I’d love to have the opportunity to have someone else photograph and video me and maybe even post images of me, face included, to social networks and my own website.
More, perhaps, tomorrow.
Well, fancy that I’ve pissed on myself three times today the last after about a half glass of wine. Again I felt the fullness and before I managed to make it into the tub I was dribbling uncontrollably. I love it, I just wish I could be outside in the bright sunlight and wouldn’t have to hold it in. At the first dribble I could lay down on the ground and let my pee flow, directing it wherever I wanted.
This time I got a little in my mouth and swallowed it. Not a bad taste, a bit salty but not an unpleasant flavor at all.Maybe next time I’ll try a fuller mouth full. Wouldn’t it be great, at least in my mind, if I didn’t have to rinse off afterward? If I was outside I wouldn’t have to, just let it dry on my skin. Someone would probably consider me to bit stinky but someone who understood might find some delight in my condition.
I wonder what it would be like to be catheterized but not hooked up to a bag to catch the pee. Instead of a longtube I envision a shorter one either just barely poking out of my penis or maybe a bit longer, an inch or two at the most. There would be a contestant dribble that I’d be unable to control so my legs would be constantly bathed in piss. And what about sleeping? Somehow I’d have to make sure my mattress wouldn’t get wet. There’d have to be some sort of waterproof sheet under the bedding. No way I’d sleep on a plastic sheet.
I’ve been catheterized while in the hospital and found the process to be pain free. I was concerned since I had heard that for men it is a mildly painful process.
Earlier I recorded myself with the video camera and now I have to down load it to my computer. If I find a way to bury it in some obscure file I may keep it. Certainly don’t want the wife or someone else to see it.
0 Comments On This Entry
My sex Journal Monday 4/22/2013 0516hrs
My sex Journal Tues 4/22/2013 0451hrs
My sex Journal Wednesday 4/24/2013 0545hrs
My sex Journal Friday 4/26/2013 0450hrs
My sex Journal Saturday 4/27/2013 0702hrs
My sex Journal Sunday, 5/5/2013, 0908hrs
My sex Journal Monday 5/6/2013 0626hrs
My sex Journal Tuesday 5/7/2013 0609hrs
My sex journal Wednesday 5/8/2013 0523hrs