I started a journal some years ago explaining my sexual preferences but somehow it got lost. I’ll look for it on other computers in hopes of finding it so I can add to it. Meanwhile I’ll start another.
First of all I prefer being naked at home (or anywhere else I can get away with complete nudity). But, of course I am culturally restrained. If I had my druthers I’d remain naked all thetime. Obviously that would not be exactly prudent during the winters especially in the north east where I live.
Where this desire came from I’ll never know but it seems to be something I was born with. One time as achild of about six or seven my sister and I were playing at something in the house during some sort of inclement weather probably in the winter. I was only wearing underpants and had draped myself in a sheet for some reason that had todo with the play subject. I wanted to go naked under the sheet. I asked my mother if I could but she made it clear that was unacceptable. I was disappointed to say the least but kept my underwear on.
There were a couple of times the folks were out for the evening doing whatever parents do on an evening out. Somehow I persuaded my sister to go out into the back yard, naked of course, to just be, nothing overtly sexual even though I fully knew the difference between our sexes. I tried to get her to pee as I was about to but as I recall she declined. I didn’t.
I never had any incestuous designs on her and as a matter of fact that idea never crossed my mind, well, that is until my female cousin came into the picture, but that is another story not related to my feelings.
I have to admit the desire/need to go naked never really worked on me until after moving to the east coast. Well, not entirely true but never was an overwhelming urge until after four years of mental therapy. In fact it wasn’t until I was able to surf the web to find “PORN” websites that the urge began to fully manifest itself.
I found BDSM/slave sites that aroused me tremendously. True, I read them for the jack off fantasies they are/were. What really got me was the feeling I got from reading them and putting myself into that possibility. The thought of enslaving myself 24/7 was nearly overwhelming. I even tried to get my wife to go along with it but she just wasn’t/isn’t into domination. She thought it far beyond kinky and into disturbing. I wanted her to dominate me, lock me up at night, chained to thewall and make me remove my clothes when I came into the house. The final straw came when we were in the living room one night when I’d gotten naked and proceeded to jack off next to her (for her in my mind) and then licked my cum out of the saucer I’d brought into the room. She thought that was the most disgusting thing she’d ever seen me do. My cum didn’t have a particularly unpleasant flavor.
I’d always, at least after reading about women swallowing cum in stories, wanted to taste my own cum when I was aroused (either while reading sex stories or when auto aroused) but after orgasm the desire left me, in fact the idea even repulsed me. What a shame.
This whole thing has gotten me thinking about what my step mother said to me on a number of occasions (and in front of other family members). She felt what I wanted was a mother (figure) to by my controller though she didn’t say the last in so many words but she saw I wanted someone to tell me what to do and when to do it. Of course I disagreed but now I’m not so sure that she wasn’t spot on with her assessment.
Right now I’m naked while sitting here typing this journal entry. My wife fell a couple of days ago, broke her pelvis, cracked it actually, and is now in the local health center (nursing home) until sufficiently healed so she can come home. I, of course am of two minds about that. On the one hand I want her home and on the other want her to stay away as long as possible. The reason? So I can stay naked and playwith myself as much as I like. I even take the chance, once in a while, to go outside naked to put the garbage out or take the dog out for her necessities. It’s taking a chance, a big one, but there is no one living across the street and the neighbors next to that place seldom if ever open their shades. There’s a tall fence between us and the neighbor next to us and again he never opens his curtain in his living room. There are large fir trees in our front yard that effectively screen us from most prying eyes so even during the day I sometimes take the chance of going outside.
I know it’s a bit off the subject but my wife’s memory seems to be failing her. She even mentions it to me once in a while. Today at the health center she made no attempt to hide the fact she couldn’t/can’t remember any number of things, names, places, items.I’m beginning to wonder if she isn’t in the first stages of dementia or worse Alzheimer’s. Actually I’ve been concerned about that for a while.
Well, anyway, back to my sexual obsession. Four years ago she fell and broke her hip requiring a THR.For some time she was in the hospital and then a nursing home. During that timeI spent most of my time doing things to myself to pretend I was being controlled by a dominate woman.
I did then and have done now trussed my balls up with short, wide rubber bands. They cause my balls to be closely confined while the scrotum is stretched to a shiny surface. The feeling when I caress them is fantastic. They are smooth and incredibly sensitive to the touch. There is no pain but they are so held forward, not hanging down as unrestrained testicles are. It makes them so much more available to someone both visually and touchable.
Unfortunately I am blessed (or cursed) with a rather short penis. There are times when, especially when itis cold out) that it is almost inverted. But it works as intended when warm and erect. It may be only 5-1/2 inches long when hard but no one, the few I’ve penetrated, has ever complained. The major problems are two; my mother refused to allow the doctor to circumcise me and added to that my penis is slightly deformed. I have hypospadias which means the urethra opens, in my case, at the bottom of my glans not the middle. The major problem with this is that standing to pee is a hit or miss thing. Sometimes the stream starts off to one side or the other and is more like a spray than a stream and sometimes I manage to pee on my pants. The answer is to sit to pee. A minor consideration there is that I tend to, actually always, pee all over my scrotum. Well, I’ve gotten used to that. Thank God urine is sterile.
My wish is to be able to live somewhere like a nudist colony but one that has a policy that allows men to have erections without worrying about negative feelings of others. Erections seem to have a mind of there own and to condemn a man for getting a hard on at the sight of a desirable woman is despicable in fact it should be a sign of approval and a woman who is the object of such a display should considerherself complimented.
I enjoy seeing two women kissing especially if they are naked and especially if they are breast to breast (tit to tit) and to see one eating pussy almost caused me to orgasm. Female to female sex is the most beautiful sight I can imagine.
That brings up the whole thing about bi-sexuality. Whatever is acceptable for women to do should also be acceptable for/with men. Homosexuality exists in both sexes but beyond that I believe bi-sexuality should be tolerated and in fact encouraged in both sexes.
Like most men (actually all if I am right) at some point wonder what it would be like to suck on their own cocks. Wishful thinking/wondering perhaps but most if not all men wonder what it would feel like to have their own cocks in their mouths. I wonder and would really like the opportunity to find out. I fully believe I’d become addicted to cocksucking myself and swallowing my cum as it comes out of my prick.
Since that is not possiblefor most men, why not the alternative? I’ve had a homosexual experience in the past and while it never progressed to the cock sucking stage I did find out that skin is skin whether male or female and kissing including tongue in mouthis the same whatever the sex of the participants.
The one sexual practice I have no personal desire to participate in is anal sex. None of my sex partners, few they are, has shown any interest in ass fucking and I’m good with that. Fistingis another sport I find a bit disgusting. That’s a personal thing and not an indictment of how others conduct their lives.
Body modifications and tattoos I find extremely erotic. As long as they are not excessive, but then who is to determine what is excessive? I, for one, find nipple piercings on males less than arousing. On the other hand who am I to say what a woman shouldor does like in male “enhancements”?
I find a piercing of the glens of the penis a tremendous turn on mostly since to me it implies that the pierced one is willing to (or, in an extreme case, required) be lead around by the penis which implies at least some measure of nudity. Imagine being led into a public restaurant docilely by a leash that obviously goes directly to the flyin your pants. More aggressively to have your penis poking out of your pants and obviously attached to a leash held by a woman.
Of course this scene is not likely in a normal restaurant but there must be some specialized restaurants that that would be normal and accepted. Just think of the humiliation and embarrassment it would cause. Your “date” has you drive her to wherever then inthe parking lot has you unzip you pants, pull out your penis so she can attach “her” leash. Out of the car and she leads you across the brightly lit parking lot. Do you have a choice? Very little at this point since you have allowed her to clip her leash to your penis ring. Worse still is if she sits back while you pull your penis out and clip the leash onto the ring yourself. And, of course, she or you use a small hasp that only she has the key to. Did she leave it home? If you’ve hooked yourself up and then think about that possibility you are really in trouble, you are committed, whatever she decides you should do is what you are going to do.
I seem to have gotten off the subject a bit so back to my fetish.
Fantasies are great but what happens when one is about to become reality. Are you ready and even more of a concern am I?
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