Just might sleep with the same girl twice
They say it’s better the second time
They say you get to do the weird stuff.
–Captain Hammer, So They Say
Not long ago one of my online pals dipped her toe into the murky waters of online dating after a bit of a break. She’d previously used sites such as AdultFriendFinder, Yahoo Personals and one or two places focused on a particular kink she enjoys.
But this time she wanted to try something different. She paid a hefty membership fee to a site that promises a more cautious, leisurely approach. She filled out pages of personality information, then waited for the site’s mysterious algorithms to spit out potential matches for her.
In good time it did so. She was able to view some preliminary details about a small group of theoretically compatible men; then, in order to continue the matching process, she needed to select a group of questions for the men to answer. She wasn’t interested in some of the men, so she didn’t have the system send them questions. Some of the men she sent questions to did not respond.
But a few did. In the next round, they both asked and answered more questions about themselves and what they were looking for. And eventually my friend was left with one potential match. It seemed like a promising one. The man (we’ll call him David) lived in the next town over. He held a respectable position in local city government. According to the information he provided to my friend (let’s call her Julia), he was a few years out from a divorce and just getting back into dating.
He described himself as “a little rusty.” He spoke of wanting to take things slowly: the occasional dinner, walk through a bookstore, movie, or conversation with someone whose life was similar to his. This sounded perfect to Julia. Only at this point did they both indicate to the dating site that they’d like to be able to contact each other via the site’s email. Up until that point their only means of contact had been in following the site’s labyrinthine process of getting to know one another.
Over the next few days they emailed, sharing more of their stories. When the weekend rolled around, they met for coffee. That meeting went well, Julia told me. David appeared upstanding and considerate; more importantly, his in-person stories seemed to match what he’d said online. Julia complimented him on being not nearly so “rusty” as he’d reported, in fact. The date went well enough that they both filled out positive remarks for each other in the dating site’s system of evaluating folks you’ve met.
They set up another date for the next weekend. David was to meet Julia at her apartment so that they could go to a movie together. He arrived bearing a book they’d discussed at their first meeting. Julia was touched at the gesture.
They were early for the movie so Julia suggested coffee. Coffee lead to a tour of the apartment. The tour ended in the bedroom, where…well, you can imagine the details. According to Julia, they don’t really bear recounting, but is that really any surprise? Is the first encounter between any two people the most blog-worthy sex?
Two rounds down, David made to skedaddle. “Guess we missed that movie,” he muttered on the way out the door. “I’ll call you next week.” Then he was gone.
Julia realized, of course, that they’d gotten ahead of themselves. But she’s an adventurous, open-minded person — probably more so than I am, if that gives you a benchmark. She knew before inviting David to her bed that it could be a one-time deal, and even though that’s not exactly what she was after, she’s philosophical enough to realize that sometimes, these things just happen.
She wasn’t particularly surprised then when days passed without any contact from him. But he was preparing for a long trip; to give him the benefit of the doubt she logged onto her dating site profile with the intention of leaving a quick “Enjoy your trip!” message.
But she couldn’t. He’d blocked her on the site.
I find this so puzzling. Out of all the possible ways someone might go about finding a one-night stand, David’s method seems among the most difficult. There are entire sites set up around the idea of finding short-term partners; presumably those would provide easier access to a quick fuck. Why deal with the slowness and expense of a site like the one he used?
Hasn’t it crossed his mind that there are women who want longer-term yet uncommitted partners? That it’s entirely not necessary to fuck and run? Or fuck and run and block?
Perhaps you’re thinking that David was underwhelmed by Julia’s performance in the bedroom? I suppose this is possible. But he’s over forty. Shouldn’t he realize that sex almost always gets better after the first time?
Julia’s got no explanation for his caddish behavior, and 800+ words later neither do I. We’ll never know for sure what devilry David had in mind, but I do know one thing for certain.
He missed out on Julia’s most righteous weird stuff. Poor dude.