Posted by aagblog , Sun Oct 10, 2010 02:34 PM
- Don’t post a close-up of your eye. There’s no way to make it look anything other than disembodied, which makes me wonder whose eye it is and why it is disembodied. If your profile picture makes me think about serial killers I will not contact you.
- Don’t moan about how bored you are and that you need a girlfriend to “get out of a rut.” Being bored is a good motivation to flip on the television. It is not the basis for a relationship, not even the most ephemeral.
- Don’t post thirty-seven images of your penis shot from various angles and in slightly different lights. You have a penis. I GET IT. Even if you think it is the most Special Snowflake Penis of them all, even if it is an extreme outlier in terms of size, even if it is your very best friend. Trust me when I say that any woman who has spent more than five minutes on any dating site will have seen penises longer, thicker and more fantastically proportioned than yours. Your penis is not special. You are special. Focus on that.
- Don’t post a picture of your mouth with your tongue stuck out. This is revolting.
- Don’t tell me you can “lick pussy all night long.” I would be bored nigh unto death by this; also I would wonder why it would take you “all night” to do something that other men (and myself) could achieve in a fraction of that time.
- Don’t spout off about how there are no “real” people on the site. This comes across as the most transparent of challenges. Maybe someone will write with the express purpose of proving you wrong and you’ll end up getting laid. That person will not be me.
- Don’t show images of your naked dick sliding into a naked vagina. I understand that you’ve had sex before. I don’t want to think that you’ve had loads of unprotected sex — or that you’re going to argue with me about having unprotected sex. Conversely, pictures of your condom-ed cock engaging in intercourse? Surprisingly hot!