My wife has a best friend (female) she's known since elementary school. I've been her best male friend since high school. Today, she feels that we have both betrayed her, and that she can't trust either of us, and that she doesn't feel safe with me any more.
When this all started, I had talked to the best friend to try to get advice, and to get the friend to help me make my case to my wife - I felt like I was losing her, I was desperate. My wife asked me not to involve the friend, because it was making her choose sides and I was asking her to betray my wife.
Just the other day, the friend called, and I answered. My wife was asleep, so the friend and I talked - she asked how things were, and I vented the frustration I'd had at the time. I didn't ask her to get involved, didn't ask her to choose sides or do anything at all about my frustrations. That night, my wife and I had it out, but ended up making what I thought was peace. The next morning, when the friend called, it came out that I had talked to her, and the tentative peace was off.
We had a decent Saturday looking at Christmas lights, a frustrating Sunday (see Day 1), and now today - she woke up upset, and when I got home from work told me that she'd figured out why: as I said above, she feels like she's lost her two best friends.
I am hurting quite badly at knowing I have destroyed the most precious thing in the world to me, as well as the two most precious things in the world to her, as well as something extremely important to the other friend (my wife was pretty much her only friend other than her husband) - and yet, I'm sure the pain I'm feeling at having done this is trivial compared to the pain I have caused in my wife.
I don't know what to do. She says she doesn't think we're over yet, but that she doesn't know how this can be fixed, if it can be at all.
I'm willing to do anything at all to fix this. I hope it can be fixed. She's still my best friend, faults and all.