Christmas morning was fine, although I woke up with a nasty headache. Sadly, although there were 50+ presents under the tree, including about a dozen my wife had bought for herself, there was only one with my name on it - but it's an expensive romantic airplane ride for two... and torturing my wife by making her get in the small plane might make it just fine. I'm exploring getting myself a late Christmas present, upgrading my phone to a Droid, but we'll have to see how that works out.
Then we drove to my parents... and that started out with - tada - her receiving 3 texts from him, and responding twice. Fun start. Fortunately, she was able to ignore her phone for most of the rest of the trip (only one other time did she check messages, and that's because I told her they were there), and we had a very nice day, with her showing me lots of affection and not talking too much about him.
That night I didn't sleep well, had a nightmare about her crushing my heart, and was basically awake all night after that. Woke up to some great sex, though, so I guess I shouldn't complain too much. We talked a bit more, I told her that I wasn't worried about her long-term feelings for him, but about the effect it would have on our long-term success. She tried to explain to me about how she has lots of love for her friends, even the ones she doesn't want to have sex with, and so I shouldn't be worried about the friendly love she feels for this guy - because it's nowhere near as strong as the love she feels for some other guy friends, much less for me. I almost accept this... but I'm still worried about it becoming more serious.
The rest of this morning was pretty good, more affection and no phone, and the drive home was nice, holding hands and watching the blowing snow.
But now that we're home, and she's on the computer again... He's sent her some pics that she's "saving for later". He's also opened up the discussion again about her visiting him in Idaho - something that she's been trying to put together, but he forced her to cancel due to his money shortage. She hasn't told him whether she'd try again, yet... My stomach is churning, waiting for her to bring it up with me again. She'd be going to Utah to visit her surrogate family, a valid reason for the trip, and taking a side trip for a few days to Idaho. She'd be paying for just about everything... odd that she'd agree to this, given our budget isn't that flexible... but she's given me permission to pay for things with whoever I hook up with, so... I don't know.
I've tried telling myself it's just sex, and that I shouldn't be upset about it - that's the whole basis of an open marriage, right? - but for some reason, her going to this guy in specific, given all the history and current feelings, is bothering me - maybe because of the perception that it's NOT just sex.
I'm really hoping that once she closes the deal with this guy, it'll allow her to get over it. But I don't see that as a high likelihood.
Maybe I should never have agreed to an open marriage... but then again, maybe this is just "first time" jitters... or maybe she shouldn't be using the word "love" when it comes to someone other than me that she plans on having sex with.