So, for the past 2+ years, my wife has been sexually unresponsive. To get things going, I'd have to snuggle up behind her in bed, touch her gently, spend 20 minutes kissing her back, shoulder, neck, and eventually breasts, then eventually fingering her until she had at least one orgasm. Then I'd get to climb on top and hopefully get inside her without hurting her (she was having issues), and take care of myself. Occasionally we'd mix it up and switch to doggy style, but basically it was routine.
She came out of her depression a few months ago, and her mojo has come back. Now, the old routine isn't working - she wants it fast and furious, even if that means I only last a minute or so. Problem is, she's frequently still waiting for me to take the initiative and start things up - but all I know to do is the old routine. This is especially true when we're still in bed, and she's lying facing me so all I can get to are breasts, shoulders, neck, etc (she doesn't care for kissing, usually - long story). I touch, which usually gets a reaction... but not so much now. I've tried touching her hips, reaching around to grab her ass... this usually seems to work, but I'm worried that she'll think I'm only doing it because her ass is what I want, rather than that I'm doing it for her.
This has left me completely confused and uncertain. How do I take the initiative, and act aggressive and confident, when the old routine isn't working, but the old routine seems to be what she's presenting me with?
When she isn't lying in or on the bed waiting for me, things seem to go a lot better - she touches me, helps undress me, moves her body against me... and it's great. So I guess what I need to do is figure out a way to get her to be involved rather than just lying there waiting for me to do something. But how? Gonna have to figure it out soon, because when she just lies there, I lose confidence and the whole event just crashes and burns.