She loved me like her own, and she had tried for 8 years to have a baby, but it was not to be, so she had the chance to have me. I must have kicked in her brooding hormones, because within a few months of getting me, she fell pregnant with her own baby, and she popped 4 out with just over a year between them all. So she thought I was very special and without me, she would have never had her own babies.
By the time I was age 4, something was wrong with me. my dad would tell my mum off for mothering me to much, he would shout at her and say things like "I am not having a fucking fruit living in this house" and I was no longer allowed to play with my baby sister. I was taken to a pet shop, and the owner also owned a gym, and my dad took me to the gym, and there were boys boxing in a ring, I was told to put these gloves on and get in the ring. Without warning a boy hit me, and knocked me down, and I looked at daddy and he was telling me to get up and hit him back.
I fell to bits and started to cry, not because I was knocked down , not because the boy hurt me, but because I didn't want to hit anyone, not even the boy that knocked me down. It hurt when he hit me, and it will hurt if I hit him, and I don't want to hurt anyone. I can't hurt anyone, it would upset me if I hurt anyone.
Dad took me boxing about 10 times, and then gave up trying to make me a man by the time i was 5 years old. That didn't mean he stopped trying to make me do boy things, and stop me doing girl things, he just gave up on trying to make me fight.