I could list off the littany of problems we've had whether it's her fear of getting cum in her mouth or my insatiable desire to fantasize and role play with her.
But last night was the final straw. I sent her one flirty text message asking her to make a choice between four possible things we could do later that evening. They were erotic movie, role play, some fun camera time (no memory card) or blowjob to completion before having the main event. She avoided answering for several hours until I asked why. She said "I just don't want to plan out our every move. It means expectations."
Now it's all making sense!
I'm married to a woman who thinks for some unholy reason I'm going to issue her a report card and sit down with her mom at a parent/teacher interview night! Seriously though, I know she's had a past with other men (including an ex-husband) that hasn't exactly been stellar but the next text she sent me finally put the nail in the coffin, so to speak. When I said it was important to me that we enjoy anticipation as much as sponteneity she replied with "Anticipation just leads to letdowns. Spontaneous is more exciting. Sorry, just being honest."
I've tried getting her to read some books on things like love languages and such but she always answers "I don't have time for all the magazines I get in the mail each month" (as she points to a stack of Good Housekeeping and Oxygen magazines next to the bed).
I've asked her to be more open-minded about watching/reading erotica. Her reply is "Porn is for the weak. There is no plot and it's boring. Watching others have sex does nothing for me."
I've asked her to be more experimental. In fact, I've tried being more experimental in both "planned" and "spontaneous" ways but it always comes crashing down. Tried tying her up one night and she freaked out, didn't speak to me the rest of the night. Another time I arranged for a babysitter, rented a hotel room and told her to meet me there right after work. I knew she had no plans for the night. She never showed up. Confused as to why she wasn't answering her phone or messages, I drove 15 miles home and found her eating at the dinner table with our son like nothing had happened. The babysitter wasn't there and it was only later when she wanted to "get busy" she said she couldn't stand the thought of going to a hotel to have sex and spending all that money when we have a perfectly good bed at home. Then she couldn't figure out why I got dressed and left the house for the next 12 hours (went back to the hotel...it was paid for already).
This is turning into a rant but I've come to the conclusion that we need counselling. More specifically, she needs counselling. In the meantime, I'm going to man up and if she doesn't like it she can deal with it however she wants. I have needs that are not being met and it's time she either starts losing some selfishness or she can enjoy using our bed for sleep only. /rant off