in my perfect world, is this unreasonable?

cuddles · #1 11-19-2008

i just got out of a really serious relationship that left me pretty badly burned. it seemed really wholesome at first but it was too intense. she got really jealous and controlling, something i have never experienced in a relationship before. we were having sex and i got uncomfortable with the sex because of our other issues. i broke it off and she desperately wanted to stay together which i don't get cause we were both pretty miserable together. i dont even know what i want out of a relationship any more. i dont want another serious relationship, but i dont want casual sex either.

i started thinking about what i really want in my personal life right now...if i could have anything i wanted.

it's that little emotional bond, the simple stuff, that i crave.

i just want a girl that i can talk to, cuddle with, without having to be exclusive about it with her. i wanna be close with her emotionally a little bit and care about her but not have it get too serious or too filled with drama. i wanna hold and kiss her and tell her sweet things. i wanna sleep together with her maybe once a week or two, but with no sex, just cuddling in our pjs until we both fall asleep.

and i would wanna hang out with other girls too.

is that unreasonable?

IlliniFarmer17 · #2 11-20-2008

No not at all. Sounds like you just want to be single with a best friend that's a girl. Tons of guys have friends that are girls. Just start talking to one that you like and really try and spend time with them. Eventually your perfect world can come true.

technology · #3 11-20-2008

sounds like me. i always had a female best friend and even though we liked each other for years. i always ended up hitting it off with all her pretty friends. its a good deal

HunneeHoliday69 · #4 11-20-2008

I have no business reading this thread....but damn I feel you

Kasimir · #5 11-20-2008

Yeah, sounds like you want a "friend with benefits". Nothing wrong with that but finding one is difficult.

I recommend match.com. Depending on your area, their should be decent amount of women who want the same things you want.

cuddles · #6 11-20-2008

i think it's interesting that different people interpret or label what i described in different ways. like, some people say that's a best friend other people say it's friends with benefits, other people might call it something else. i think when people say friends they usually mean something less intimate but when they say friends with benefits they usually mean something more sexual. i guess not always though...i dunno?

i have had that kind of relationship with ppl before and it always worked out really well.

i am friends with a lot of girls though.

i guess...what is the best way to bring something like this up? should i bring it up before ever cuddling with the person or anything? i don't want to lead anyone on in a situation where they might think something would either be leading to sex or a relationship.

i have had quite a few bad experiences with girls wanting sex with me (girls DO NOT like to be turned down for sex when they want it, i think even worse than a typical guy) and...also bad experiences with someone wanting to be in a relationship with me when i still wanted to be single.

so i dunno?

IlliniFarmer17 · #7 11-20-2008

Well first off you probably need to find a girl that you would like to have this relationship with. If you do then just start out by talking to her more and sharing more of your feelings. Once you do find that girl just let her know how glad you are that you have her as a friend. Should work out

sticker · #8 11-20-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kasimir

Yeah, sounds like you want a "friend with benefits". Nothing wrong with that but finding one is difficult.

I recommend match.com. Depending on your area, their should be decent amount of women who want the same things you want.

If that's a paysite, i'd stay away from it.......

cuddles · #9 11-21-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by sticker

If that's a paysite, i'd stay away from it.......

i agree.

i've never signed up for paysites. browsing the profiles...they all have a larger number of users but the pickings seem slim. i signed up for the free version of match.com and eharmony and decided they werent worth checking out.

there are too many good free ways to meet people on the internet. i've met more people through blogging sites than anywhere else, also a couple of the free dating sites out there

any site with a large number of users is going to be not selective enough for me. blogging sites select for people who like to read and write, which is a plus. free dating sites select for people who are thrifty, which is a big plus. LOL. also from the girl's perspective, i think a lot of paysites work off the premise of the guys paying to contact the girls...and i don't like that, it sort of fits into the traditional gender stereotype thing, i like ppl who break traditional gender roles. i do like picking profiles of people off match.com and other sites who are clever enough to be able to hide a way to contact them in their profile without the site detecting it...thats always fun, and those people tend to be smart and devious, always a plus.

cuddles · #10 11-21-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by studmuffinz

wow, good luck with that. ive found that girls have this unspoken you-can-only-know-one-person-with-a-vagina rule.

i know a lot of girls like that and i don't really waste my time with them. i grew up having more girls as friends than guys and i've always found myself around a very un-jealous bunch.

my one ex-g/f always invites me down to her place and i sleep over in her house of four girls, and we all seem to get along great.

i even remember once this one girl i was friends with got together with me twice...gave me a very hot b/j the second time. and then, her best friend asked me out the next day! and...i was a bit confused at first so i took it slow but when it was clear that there wasn't anything weird going on...i said yes and we dated (the second girl and i) for a few months. and all this time we would go out in groups with the first girl too. and i am SURE they talked about stuff.

thats why my last g/f was a bit of a shocker to me. she would get jealous of me hanging with her friends, she'd get jealous of some of my friends, of people i knew in person, people i knew on the net...it was weird. i think my mistake was that i met her on the net and didn't get to know her slowly enough.