Thoughts, comments or advice. worth it or not
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 04:23 PM
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 04:28 PM
I know that may seem irrelevant but if I was in your situation it would totally depend on the circumstances. If my wife stole £15,000 from my bank account (like I have that!) to fund a gambling addiction she'd been hiding from me, I could forgive her and probably quite easily. However if she has been cheating on me for months or years because she thought I was crap in bed then that would be a different matter.....
I think really the first thing you have to decide is if you can forgive and forget......it's not enough just to forgive because it will hang over you both forever.
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 04:35 PM
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 04:51 PM
So you know these pictures were sent and she knows you know (whether she has denied it or not) so I think really now you have to consider your options - you can let it go, put it down to a one off and try and learn to trust her again or you can end it. 10yrs of marriage is a lot to throw away and don't make a hasty decision.
On the trying to build the trust again point.......I've never had much success with that. I'm pretty well you betray me once I'll never trust you again kind of guy, so I think that'll take a better and wiser member than me to post
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 04:58 PM
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 05:13 PM
I don't think you should just stay for the kid's. I think they would prefer two happy parents apart than two miserable parents together. The only thing I would say on that is they do deserve consistancy so I think you need to take your time making a desicion coz it wouldn't be fair on the them to leave tomorrow n get back together next week etc.....I think you need to be sure on what you decide, and stick to it.
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 05:30 PM
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 05:40 PM
Hmm it is difficult sometimes. It's mostly the reason I joined here to be honest. Same as you really when we do have sex it's pretty amazing, and she enjoys it. She even says that she feels better in herself and more relaxed the more frequently we do it.
We talk about it quite a bit coz it all stems from issues she has had in the past and she openly admits it but she did raise an interesting point the other day - she said that she loves it when we do it, but doesn't like the thought of it. Again, this is coz of things that have happened to her in the past so we'll have to look in to getting past that one...
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 05:41 PM
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 07:04 PM
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 08:04 PM
Your children are going to grow up imitating to a large extent the example that you and your wife set in the home - whether you or they realize it or not. Would you rather come to a custody agreement and show them a loving relationship that you grow into with someone else on the days you're with them, or show them daily, thinly veiled hostility while your situation continues?
The only way to avoid the latter without a divorce is through plenty of communication, and probably a marriage counselor. From what you say it sounds like neither of you is particularly interested in that but I do hope you both explore every avenue available to you.
At the end of the day, only you and your wife can decide what's best for your children.
I do hope for the best for you.
Posted Tue Sep 06, 2011 08:49 PM
Posted Wed Sep 07, 2011 10:06 AM
Posted Wed Sep 07, 2011 10:20 AM
1. Insist you see a marriage councilor together. See how that works out, if she doesn't go for it then move on to #2.
2. Start pulling money out and putting it into a separate account. Put it in your sock drawer, whatever. When she asks what its for, tell her "hookers. You did tell me to go find other women." If she starts freaking out, tell her "AH HA! You do care after all." then show her the money is still there. Then see if she'll do the councilor.
If she says "that's nice dear, but see if you can find some cheaper hookers will you" or something similar, it's over. Start the CYA because if there's a divorice she's gonna take you to the cleaners, especially with the kids involved.
Get a PO Box. Open up a separate checking account and credit cards, use the PO Box for the address. If you haven't paid off the joint account cards, do so as you can and close the accounts (you can always claim its part of a get out of debt program or something). Start putting a few bucks a paycheck into the separate account. Of course telling her none of this.
You need to be ready, just in case she moves to file on you before you do on her. Also, if you can find any evidence of cheating it'll really help your legal case. Check browser history, that kind of thing.
Better to be careful than sorry.
Posted Fri Sep 09, 2011 03:04 PM
From what you've written it's obvious to me that trying to talk to your wife would be fruitless. But if you feel that you have't exercised all your options and feel that there is still some shred of love left; than I would suggest the two of you sit down with a counselor specializing in marital disputes. If she refuses, you must decide what your next move is. I strongly suggest that you do two things before things go any further. First contact an attorney to see what your options are and what you can do legally. You need to protect yourself. Most lawyers will give one free office visit to discuss your options. The second thing I would suggest is that you should contact a counselor with whom you can discuss your personal issues with; this counselor should not be the marriage counselor.
I hope this is of some help, and that you find some solace in it. As the song says : "Keep your head up!" Take care and good luck my friend!
Posted Fri Sep 09, 2011 03:30 PM