[Harkin]

I have known my wife was bi since before we started dating. I am okay with that and never thought she was really different than anyone else. In fact her sexual preference for "eye candy" has always been women. The thing is that even though I am supportive of her she was brought up in a Conservative christian family. She went to a church that was so extreme it made its members burn He-man, My Little Pony, and many other toys as well as any pop music that was later than 1960. She never agreed with this and know they were wrong but her whole life she was taught that just about everything dealing with sex was dirty, from masturbation, to same sex couples. She knows this is screwed up and wrong today but she cannot unlearn what they pounded into her head.
So coming back to the bi-sexual thing, she often has dreams about having sex with another woman. I have told her there is nothing to be ashamed of and if we discuss it more than a few minutes she gets real embarrassed and says she is a freak. She has some gay friends and she can never talk to them about it because they do not understand bi-sexuals and since she is married to a man they just don't see here as gay, and therefore she is straight. She cannot talk to her straight friends about it because many of them are Conservative and the few times she has mentioned it to them they quickly respond "Isn't your husband worried you are going to cheat on him?" This makes her upset because she values monogamy, she chose a man to spend the rest of her life with and that is how it is going to be.
I will admit I have told her that if she really has the urge to be with a woman I would not stand in her way, I just do not want her to keep it a secret from me.
I guess the point I am trying to get to is first is there anyone else out there who has has some similar experiences? If so do you know of some ways that she can work through all this? Maybe a forum devoted to bi-sexual issues or a book or anything else.

[Rocket Queen]

I can remember a thread like this a few years ago, the husband was concerned about his bi curious wife who was raised as a religious zealot etc etc. I will search the threads for it. Maybe that will help you

[Rocket Queen]

Uggh I can't search back through my first lot of posts for some reason ( I am a techtard) I will keep an eye out for it tho... The similarities are uncanny in these posts.

[the_one_and_only004]

Do you know any girls that she might be comfortable with entertaining her fantasy with? Maybe you can find one online and let her live it out. Make sure you are always reassuring to her that she is not a freak or weird and that you support her in her fantasies and your marriage. Best of luck to you! Maybe a threesome can ease her into it and you can still be there for her. Plus its a threesome...

[Harkin]

the_one_and_only004, on Mon Oct 03, 2011 03:48 AM, said:

Do you know any girls that she might be comfortable with entertaining her fantasy with? Maybe you can find one online and let her live it out. Make sure you are always reassuring to her that she is not a freak or weird and that you support her in her fantasies and your marriage. Best of luck to you! Maybe a threesome can ease her into it and you can still be there for her. Plus its a threesome...

I have made mention of this to her. I know she dose still have feelings for one girl but she lives over 500 miles away. She has no interest in having sexual relations with anyone but me. As I had said she is very monogamous, despite the fact that I have told her it is okay for her to have a girlfriend if she likes. Basically what I am asking is more about dealing with her feelings about being a "freak" and not being a "normal" gay or straight person. I am pretty sure she dose not way to get involved with a lesbian right now because of the stigma gays have against bi-sexuals.

[kevber]

I don't think she should feel like a freak, I think she's more worried about what other people think cause of how she was raised. Tell her to forget about other peoples feeling and be happy for herself. If girls turn her on, so what. I have different turn ons too, and I bet if i felt like i had to tell my friends about it they would think I'm a freak. It's her life, her feeling, no one elses.

[Harkin]

kevber, on Mon Oct 03, 2011 09:34 AM, said:

I don't think she should feel like a freak, I think she's more worried about what other people think cause of how she was raised. Tell her to forget about other peoples feeling and be happy for herself. If girls turn her on, so what. I have different turn ons too, and I bet if i felt like i had to tell my friends about it they would think I'm a freak. It's her life, her feeling, no one elses.

I totally agree, and I would like to get her to that point where she can realize how it is not something to feel ashamed or freakish about. I am still tying to understand bi-sexuals myself but they really feel like they are between two worlds I guess. She could behave totally straight and has done so for sometime, but as soon as she comes out to anyone they think she is a lesbian or a slut (to be blunt). I know she really does not want to sleep with anyone but me, but she cannot really enjoy all the eyecandy out there with out feeling dirty for some reason.

[LayFengMow]

I can relate. Growing up in a conservative part of the south, the socialization impacts the psyche significantly and some people in that environment never become aware of how it affects them. I completely agree with Chinagirl4u2 in regards to the internal conflict that many bisexual girls deal with as they in some sense constantly face what comes from the environment and from within themselves.

In University, I became friends with a Russian girl who was on the tennis team and we became really close. At the time, I thought I was in heaven because she was horny all of the time, we fucked all of the time, and as we became friends, I noticed that she liked pussy and all of about 20 other girls that she became friends or played tennis with were either gay, bi, or uncertain. At the time I was a little thrown off by it because again I grew up in this conservative environemnt where sexual expression was highly frowned upon, but thankfully my mom checkme at a young age and my father was so laid back so instead of being a punk ass judgemental racisit, I treated people right and so I just sat back, observed, and because of my good manner I was lucky enough to join in and be a part of group orgy type situations with all several of these girls.

Now as I became close friends with these girls and they became more aware of themselves, most of them were lesbian but my russian friend and a few others still like to fuck. I got to experience this conflict through them. The timeline is what is interesting to me. For a week, or two, I would sleep with three of the girls, sometimes, one on one and sometimes in a group. We were all close and for them most part there wasnt too much drama. I had a sore cock and balls sometimes, and my tongue and mouth were tired because the girls demanded satisfaction or they would get angry:) but I was a horney college guy not with the biggest cock, but bigger and thicker than usual and I like most of us love to fuck and loved to please. In fact I can't get off until I know the girl has orgsmed several times. Anyway, thats another post. Back to the timeline. They would want dick for for about a week or two usually and then they would still do their own thing but without me or any dick involved and on average that would last sometimes from a month to several months and then usually after a month or two stretch one or two of them would come back and I would happilypleasure them.

Now, 8 years later, we are all still friends but in different parts of the world and still two of them still deal with this conflict to this day. I think it's awesome of how supportive you are and although that could be a whole other dynamic in regards to what impact that has on her, I think she is lucky to have the support. I was born in 1980. Hopefully by the time Im a grandfather, thorugh research, other poeples experiences, and so many other factors we will know enough about bisexuality and people who either are or have these feelings will have some sense of peace.

[jsmith2010]

I know exactly what yall are talking about. My wife is Bi and she loves to look at outher females. I suppourt her all the way and would love for her to find a girl friend

[xo.Miss.Stacey.xo]

Im bisexual. Im very open. I was raised in a Christian racist family. I was 14 when i brought my 1st biracial girlfriend home. My family didnt approve but they didnt mind because i was happy. My friends (even the straight ones) appriciate the fact that im bi, because if they have an "ungodly" thought ill be able to talk them through it and let them know its okay. We all have different thoughts & fantasies, its a part of our hormonal balance. If it helps her any, tell her the bible says, 2 men should not fornicate, it never said anything about women.

[IrisParthenia]

There are therapists that specialize in helping LGBT people accept themselves.

I also know of a support forum on the internet. But it's against the rules to post links here. Personally, I'm always wanting to link to outside articles and things, but they have banned all outside links to avoid people promoting other websites. It's really too bad that that is necessary.

I'm not sure if it would violate the rules to tell you the name of it, so I won't. But it exists.

Some lesbians go through a period of identifying as bisexual as part of their self-acceptance process, which is why they sometimes think that a newly out bisexual might actually be gay. Bisexuals also bring out some lesbians insecurities about being left for men.

Some lesbians don't want to date bisexuals because of that insecurity, but since your wife isn't looking for a relationship with them, it shouldn't be a problem. Her gay friends would probably be more accepting than she thinks.

[sharemyCOCK]

I am very big curious n I'm just now admitting this. But I think some cocks are sexy in a way.....n I got head from another boy when I was young.

[littlelui]

I hope she comes out soon, I'm Bisexual, but spent years trying to convince myself that I'm not, just to keep others happy.

[Harkin]

littlelui, on Tue Jan 17, 2012 07:05 AM, said:

I hope she comes out soon, I'm Bisexual, but spent years trying to convince myself that I'm not, just to keep others happy.

She came out in college to a few people. Now since she is a mother and such she does not tell her friends or anyone else. I am pretty sure she is worried that her friends would think bi = someone who sleeps around. They would also probably get it in their minds that she came out because she was into them.

There is noting wrong with being bisexual, and you never have to have homosexual relations to be bi. You just have to have the desire to want to be with both sexes.

Personally I think society focuses too much on sexuality and what is "normal" rather then where people are. I feel people should not worry so much about what goes on in the bedroom, and think more about how to make a person feel complete.

This post has been edited by Harkin: Tue Jan 17, 2012 09:00 AM

[littlelui]

I don't know what bisexual women and some of the other poster know, but I don't know any that sleep around. I definatley don't know any that will have sex with a man just to get to his wife or use bisexual woman to sleep with their husbands by giving themselves away, as I've seen suggested in threads.
Bisexual woman can be with either but it does not make us "sluts".
Did your wife have sexual relations with other woman at college or since ?
The reason I ask is that if she has never done so she has not really "come out"and it will gnaw at her until she does so.

[Harkin]

littlelui, on Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:23 AM, said:

I don't know what bisexual women and some of the other poster know, but I don't know any that sleep around. I definatley don't know any that will have sex with a man just to get to his wife or use bisexual woman to sleep with their husbands by giving themselves away, as I've seen suggested in threads.
Bisexual woman can be with either but it does not make us "sluts".
Did your wife have sexual relations with other woman at college or since ?
The reason I ask is that if she has never done so she has not really "come out"and it will gnaw at her until she does so.

No she has not had any sexual relations. She has not plans of it either. She tells me she has sex dreams with women often and, she is very turned on be several actresses. The issue with her is that she is monogamous, and would never "cheat" on me. I have told her from day one that if she wants to have a girl friend, fuck buddy, or another S/O I would be fine with it, because she is far more attracted to women then men. It just happens that the two of us fell in love and were married. But because of her conservative upbringing she is committed to me and no others.

She is a jealous person and has abandonment issues. I told her that I have no need to sleep with other women and that if she had a g/f it would not mean I could have one as well, but she does not want to go down that road, and really she dose not want to talk about it.

I do have another post that covers some more of the subject, you can always PM me or send a chat request if you like.

[jsmith2010]

My wife has had sex with another woman. I was there the wife and I engaged in sex and the other woman with my wife I never had sex with the other. My wife has also made out and fooled around with one of her friends whom is married but never went through with it. I know my wife wants to have another chance. I have told her i was fine with it and no need for me to have another friend nor do I need to play with her friend. I just get so turned on Knowing that she is enjoying herself is enough for me. The problem is that it is hard to find someone for her in small rual area. There have been times we were having sex she would get so hot talking about the last time she was with another woman that she would just start telling me she wanted one now and don't want to wait. I would really like for her to find someone that she could be comfortable with and continue to have relations with.

[FireflyBiGirl]

There is nothing freakish or unnatural about bisexuality. People are beautiful- all people- regardless of gender. Love is a beautiful thing. Pleasing someone sexually is a beautiful thing. I have never understood why so many flock to a culture that shames anyone with a healthy sex drive, yet they do and the repression continues.

I agree with the therapy idea. Since the idea that she's a freak is so firmly implanted in her psyche, it will take a lot of time for her to change it. The things we are told in childhood stick with us. Having an impartial third party helping her work through it is probably the best choice. You can tell her it's OK a thousand times, but she needs to believe it inside herself before she can believe it from you.

[jsmith2010]

FireflyBiGirl, on Mon Feb 13, 2012 07:35 PM, said:

There is nothing freakish or unnatural about bisexuality. People are beautiful- all people- regardless of gender. Love is a beautiful thing. Pleasing someone sexually is a beautiful thing. I have never understood why so many flock to a culture that shames anyone with a healthy sex drive, yet they do and the repression continues.

I agree with the therapy idea. Since the idea that she's a freak is so firmly implanted in her psyche, it will take a lot of time for her to change it. The things we are told in childhood stick with us. Having an impartial third party helping her work through it is probably the best choice. You can tell her it's OK a thousand times, but she needs to believe it inside herself before she can believe it from you.

Good advice

[FireflyBiGirl]

jsmith2010, on Mon Feb 20, 2012 02:17 PM, said:

Good advice

Thank you- I hope it is.