The end's like the beginning?
Posted Tue May 08, 2007 04:44 AM
I haven't ever gotten out of a relationship and I've no idea how a break up feels; some know what an asshole my current bf is and bcause he's my first, I don't know how I'm supposed to end it. So I'm asking, since it started quick, it's easier to end it quick, like u pull a bandage out? And if relationships end the way they started, I'm sure it ends secretly as it started.
And how does ones life becomes after breaking up with a 6 year partner? Is it like I lived before I met him? I don't even remember who I was then. Is the end like the beginning? and what exactly does that mean?
Posted Tue May 08, 2007 11:34 AM
now here i will give you a few scenarios and give you some idea as to how things wil lwork out..
number one.. one day he is off to work, fishing, whatever.. You pack yourself a small bag of essentials, drive or walk to the nearest cash machine, empty out his or your joint account, find a plane or train hop on it and away you go to set up a new life in the sun.
It is never as easy as this, unless you have potloads of money in an account.. in which case you are better off setting up an account on your own and doing an internet bank transfer.. as i believe cash machines and indeed banks have a daily withdrawel limit.
So things you are going to need.. these are fundamentals and without these its going to be a struggle..
A good friend with room to protect you and to house you until you "get yourself on your feet"
Cash.. the more the better, simply put, at the end of the day, your goal is to get yourself your own pad, and a job and a future away from Mr T bastardo.
If you dont have a job, get one, this will also distract you from Mr T bastage.
So now you have been working for months, you have a nice little supply of cash, now all you need is enough for two months rent, and the bear essentials.. gas, electric, etc etc. Now you can either tell your fella you are going.. this will sometimes result in fireworks, and should probably be avoided depending how Mr T bastage is. Some blokes are calm and helpful, others a fucking nightmare. its as simple as that. Probably the best way to avoid hurting and shouting and violence, so to move out and say you need some time on your own.. and back out that way, this is easily done if the two of you are getting on, if however you are with mr Bastard this isnt going to work, and its going to be a midnight flit and if you feel like it, leave a note or something, and then maybe call him from a payphone a good distance from your new digs a couple of weeks later to see how he is..
Now lets say its all gone swimmingly and you are in your new job, and new place how will you feel?
I will tell you for now, you will feel like shit
bad shit, pain you have never felt before you in your life, pain that drugs and alcohol wont cure and doesnt go away with sleep. This unfortunate feeling is called heartache and there is no known cure for it (although i believe a chick flick and ice cream does soothe things a little)
during this stage of dwelling you will feel sadness, and forgiveness and regret and you will look back upon your relationship withsomewhat rose tinted spectacles and see only the good times.
You will also feel that you are now on the shelf and have no hope of meeting mr or missus right and that you have just passed up the one opportunity to have a family / be happy ever after again.
Quite frankly you have to put mr negativity out of your head and concentrate on the good things, this can be done simply by writing a list of all the shitty things he / she has done and reciting them every day, With time being the greatest healer your feelings of remorse and regret will gradually fade, along with a new found confidence and sense of well being, you will fill your life with goals and things to do as you again find the wonderful feeling of living...
A few other tit bits..
No matter how hard it gets, or how bad you feel, there is a light at the end of that tunnel and that is what you must strive for.
Also as a rule people judge a book by its cover, just first impression stuff and if you are walking around head on the dirt people will not even notice you, sling your head up, look around you and take in all those lovely sights and senses. Shoulders back, dont slouch, Plant the largest smile on your face possible and you will already be halfway there to attracting a new mate and forgetting about the shitty times of old...
It might be worth deciding if your ex man is going to turn a little nasty with the hands, then always have a friend (male .. bigger the better ) a shout away. Confrontation in these situations is always best avoided, but if you cant avoid it, take precautions
I hope thats some help.
Posted Tue May 08, 2007 10:05 PM
Posted Tue May 08, 2007 10:40 PM
My opinion would deffintly be to leave, maybe not to another city, that can be expencive, someday just have everything ready then when he slips out for a few hours pack your crap and leave
Tell him you're leaving, probably best to have another women with you if you choose this way. i say women because if its a male, he may assume you are leaving him for the other guy... which might not end well.
either way if you aint happy dont stick around, now of course being unhappy and having some difficult times is diffrent, which i assume isnt the case with you.
Posted Wed May 09, 2007 04:08 AM
Posted Wed May 09, 2007 11:28 AM
I have had my new girlfriend ring my ex girlfriend up and tell her..
(this was when i was an alcoholic and didnt really care a damn about anything or anyone)
Just recently however i sat down and had "the chat" this is where you lay your cards out, say i am not happy because of X Y and Z and wtf are we gonna do about it because i am leaving if shit doesnt change...
9/10 shit changes for a couple of days and then reverts.. and again you have to have the chat..
I guess ultimately its all down to communication, if you dont sit down and tell someone then how are you meant to know?
men arent mind readers after all.
I would start with.. "I need a serious chat with you, this is wrong, that is wrong, and i want x out of my life."
If he gets upset and shouts or whatever thats his lookout, you only get one shot at this life, and in that case revert to my plan in previous post.
its a hard thing to do, but wasting your life with someone you only have mild if any feelings for is a poor show also.
Posted Wed May 09, 2007 11:37 AM
Posted Wed May 09, 2007 11:41 AM
And not as many as i would've liked
Posted Thu May 10, 2007 08:41 AM