What interests women in FWB situation? Does anything else other than looks matter?
Posted Sat Jan 14, 2012 04:31 PM
Here's the deal...are women who are looking for (or open to the possibility of) a friends-with-benefits situation mostly interested in looks/physical qualities or do other things like education, career, achievements, etc. play a part?
In my mind, I would think that it's mostly physical since the other attributes tend to be of grater importance for finding a long-term mate/marriage. I've been told that I'm a good looking guy but I am more confident of my life achievements than my looks (since those are largely earned vs inherited). I'm about a year away from my PhD, already have a Masters, I'm a manager of an IT department for a well-known state government agency, I make decent money, have a beautiful daughter that I'm very much involved with, been together with my wife for about 16 years, and am about 30yo. I'm not a ripped body-builder but I'm athletic and fit and hit the gym almost daily. My wife says that someone like myself would be like finding gold for most women but I think that would be in the framework of marriage vs. casual sex and hanging out.
So what do you think...do women looking for FWB care much about a guy's parenting, intelligence, and conversational abilities or only about how I look/fuck?
Posted Sat Jan 14, 2012 09:09 PM
Posted Sun Jan 15, 2012 03:06 AM
To get to the benefits, first you become friends.
Do you have friends who are women? Is that by design, or are they just someone you haven't fucked yet?
If you don't know to develop a friendship with a woman, this will not be easy, because you are looking for a fuck, and calling it friendship. I can understand why no one is interested, because you aren't interested in them.
You meet a woman, and accept the fact that there will be no sex. What will you do? What will you talk about? How long can you do this without pushing for sex, before you get frustrated and lose interest?
You will need to figure out the difference between friends with benefits, and friends with expectations.
Posted Sun Jan 15, 2012 09:29 AM
I've never quite heard the expression "friends with expectations" before. I'm not sure I'd ever become friends with a woman with the sole purpose of someday fucking them; that's pretty sleazy (or manly , depending on your perspective). The point of my question was not to ponder my ability to beguile the intentions of friendship or challenge my abilities to socialize with the opposite sex. Again, I am wondering if the things that some women often look for in a long-term partner (personality, drive, dedication, selflessness, etc.) cause any sort of sexual attraction/desire in situations involving friendship AND sex without the possibility of longterm commitment? I'm looking for insight into the average women's mind in this situation, not a critique of my interests and abilities.
And to clarify from saintnailpolish's post, I don't mean to say career or personal achievements alone. I also meant personality as well. Though many times achievements do speak to the kind of personality a person has.
Posted Sun Jan 15, 2012 10:22 AM
I'll be frank, you're in a very tough spot because of your age group. Women around your age are looking to get settled in a permanent relationship and to have children. You're married... Sorry, you're ineligible for them. Whether you're ripped, educated, good looking, whatever, doesn't really matter. Besides, what is that you're looking for... Short, medium or long term? You're more likely to find some luck in the casual one-time sex department rather than in the longer term.
I don't know... I think you probably have to move away from your age group either up or down... More likely up unless you don't mind hitting it off with a teenager.
Posted Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:00 PM
Posted Sun Jan 15, 2012 02:14 PM
No, neither have I, but if a man approaches a woman with a goal - "how long do I have to be a friend before I get to the benefits?" - he has an agenda, an expectation of what 'should' happen.
That is not a friend, that is simply a man on the make.