My niece cries all day I dont know what to tell her My sister, her mom goes out and doesnt come back
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:02 AM
I am not sure where to post this, so i ll give it a try here.
My sister , with a few relapses, has been clean from drug abuse for like 8 months now. Her husban was in jail for selling drugs, before xmas he got out of jail and my sister was living with me and my parents in my parents house.
My sister has 3 kids, 2 are her husbands kids too and the first one, shes from a previous partner.
Now that her husband is out of jail, he lost everything so he is living in a friends house, he is not allowed in our house because we are scared he is still on the business and we could all go to jail and because he had an argument with my mom and was disrespectfull to her.
The thing is that my sister goes to see him and stays over and stays there for days and this time she came back just for a few hours and went back to him and my niece is so upset and cries all the time and calls her and her cellphone is off.
I dont know what to tell my nieces cause she feels left out by her mom, last nite she got her moms tshirt in her pillow to sleep and is really heart breaking to see her like that, she is going to therapy due to depression she is only 11.
Any advice on what can i do to help my niece and what to tell her to make her feel bettter?
thank u in advance
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2012 01:29 PM
This must be a horrible situation for your niece. You didn't say in your post, but I'm assuming this is the youngest child, I'd be surprised if this is happening to any of the older ones.
The thing is that your niece already went through the loss of her father when he went to jail. That must've been very difficult for her... And now, all of a sudden, her mother is also disappearing, so your niece is feeling abandoned somehow. It's good that she's going to therapy, and this should continue... However, it's important that she maintains some contact with her father and that your sister tries to spend some time talking to her and explaining that she's not going to go away.
Ideally, she should be allowed to see her father... And I know this can be complicated, but maybe if someone in your family would be there as a chaperone during a meeting at a park or something... could make things easier for your niece, so she can understand that she's not being abandaned in anyway.
Cree que siento mucho que esto le este pasando a tu sobrina... Mi hija menor tambien esta pasando por una situacion similar.
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2012 01:48 PM
Actually she is the oldest and this guy is not her dad, so she feels that my sister rather be with him and not with the kids, my nieces dad is a noshow, he is an addict and has no part in her life, i want to have words to make her feel better but i dont know what to say....
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2012 02:36 PM
If you could... I'd suggest you sleep with her. I do that a lot with my daughter, it soothes her.
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2012 02:54 PM
Posted Fri Jan 20, 2012 08:22 PM
Posted Sat Jan 21, 2012 07:22 PM
Posted Sun Jan 29, 2012 11:16 PM
Posted Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:46 PM
Well, the news is that my sister is pregnant again, I just dont know how to handle this, what to say really, this will be her fourth child and the third with a drugdealer addict husband, I mean, this is just too much, she s still living with us ....any input on this would be apreciated...altho this is not a menthal health forum I get much more support here than even on bipolar forums so I guess is better to share this here.....
Posted Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:50 PM
Posted Sun Jun 17, 2012 05:30 AM
Posted Sun Jun 17, 2012 06:05 AM
First things first, go into your local police station and ask them "can i have the number of drug intervention and counciling services and groups in the local area"
then you need to approach these groups in which people with decades of experience dealing with EXACTLY these problems will be able to give you far far far better advice. Do not be fobbed off or disappointed that your "first point" contact seems not to know allot, they are there to weed out the minor problems, push to get to the senior advisor's, they are great I promise.
Next bit of advice I have for you
Stop searching for words, there are no words on this earth that can heal the heart, or cleanse the soul of pain and regret. What you need is to hold your neice, to be there for her, to show that you love her no matter what.
He mother has shown she doesn't love your neice, but you, you can show your neice love, care and attention. No you can't replace her mother, but you can fill a little peice of the empty void her mothers abandonment has left.
Posted Sun Jun 17, 2012 01:21 PM
In my family I was diagnosed as bipolar and my sister too but both my parents show traits too and my niece....
will come back later.....
Posted Sun Jun 17, 2012 04:53 PM
Thank you for your answer, as I already stated before, I am bipolar and so is my sister and other members might be as well.
I am not sure what do you mean with what are my parents willing to do, in terms of what?
Posted Sun Jun 17, 2012 05:07 PM
REgarding ur first part of advice, I am afraid things dont work like that in my country, theres is no such office or service, my sister was seeing a shrink but shes not longer going, my niece is also seeing a therapis, I am seeing another shrink for the bipolar disorder....
You are right tho about my niece and the things I can do for her, and I will, thank you for ur words...
Posted Sun Jun 17, 2012 05:25 PM
Somebody has to make changes, and it's definitely not you, your parents or your brother. You all seem to be doing the best any family could do to support your sister in a situation like this. Still, she seems to be very attached to her husband, but she needs to make choices. I believe that if she lives with her husband, the dynamic will change.
My heart goes out to you Karma.
Posted Sun Jun 17, 2012 08:02 PM
Posted Fri Jun 22, 2012 08:44 PM
Thanks for ur reply, the situation is like this right now, My sister is looking for a place to move with her husband and the two lil kids, the oldest is staying with us, I really worry about the kids living with them tho, dont know if theres anything I could do to stop her from taking the kids and my mom is not willing to raise the small ones....