Swing Control Who is in charge
Posted Tue Jan 24, 2012 03:52 PM
Posted Tue Jan 24, 2012 04:44 PM
The only thing that we stick to that he's "in charge of" is that we only give out his phone number. He feels more comfortable if the men in the couples we meet don't have a way to contact me directly due to a bad experience we had in the past where the guy thought he had my number and started to try to convince me that we "had a connection". That being said, I have full access to his phone and have texted from it numerous times.
Swinging is something that we do together, and every part of it (aside from my phone number) is shared. Once it becomes something that isn't shared, I don't see the point in doing it anymore.
Posted Tue Jan 24, 2012 06:56 PM
Posted Wed Jan 25, 2012 12:50 AM
I've been told that when it comes time to make the first move with the other couple or single that's always left up to the women. In our experience it's been pretty much 50/50.
Posted Wed Jan 25, 2012 08:39 PM
With us, we first did a combination of searching together and individually, and extensively discussed what we thought before communicating. I sent more replies than he did, though. Now, Mr.DE's interest is far lessened and he's given me the reins. He still has the right to say "No" to anything; though. That is one thing we definitely agree upon: each has veto rights at any time.
Posted Sat Jan 28, 2012 09:32 PM
Posted Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:59 PM
I trusted my wife. But little things like this made me feel something was not right. We ended getting divorced for her infedeliy. I wonder at times if I didnt bring it on my self by not sharing my feelings the moment I felt them. But life goes on.
Posted Sun Jan 29, 2012 10:36 AM
Posted Mon Jan 30, 2012 04:50 PM
Infidelity... I don't know the whole situation, obviously, but I don't generally agree with blaming the other for a spouse's infidelity.
However, I definitely agree that you should have discussed your feelings about who contacts other playmates. That was something I found weird (honestly, a warning flag) in your original post. You said, "But the whole problem I had was that I didn't like her setting things up or talking to the people we swing with - I felt that that was my role and my role only. I never expressed these feelings but that is how I felt. How do you guys go about arranging your swing activities?" I personally think it was unfair of you to feel that it should have been only your role, but the real issue is that you didn't discuss it with her, so you two had a different set of expectations on the matter.
Whether you are the organizer, she is, or you share the duties, you really need to communicate about it. Swinging without communication is dangerous, including communication on who organizes the play dates.