Im getting bord and dont know why
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 07:45 AM
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 07:59 AM
your still a kid now (22) why do you think your missing out ? I don t think trying to cheat and keep it hush hush as you said is the answer to your problems
you need to decide for both of your sakes whether or not your ready for a commited relationship in my book cheating unless she agrees to an open relationship only leads to more unhappiness and heartache
good luck with what ever you decide
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 08:43 AM
Hubby and I have been together since we have been 16/17 and have went through many phases in our sexual relationship. It's not for everyone, but we are happy as can be.
If you aren't happy then you need to think about the whole relationship cuz cheating will just add bad stuff to it! Like the previous person said your still young so if you feel like you need to get out there then you need to get out of your relationship and see what is there. There is no need to be an ass to your gf cuz you want to explore!
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 08:56 AM
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:12 AM
Okay, you've awakened full rant mode. I apologize in advance if this seems harsh and if I make some assumptions, but I'm working from what I know.
You're a young man who has been with the same woman since you were 18. You now feel bored and want to spice things up in the bedroom. Your partner said, "No," so you think that you should go with the "best of both worlds," by keeping a faithful partner while finding fun on your own.
First, what is your definition of spicing up your sex life: Threesomes! Let me guess: FFM/FMF. She gets to deal with her insecurities of you needing more than her, and possibly challenging her orientation to put on a pleasing show for you.
What other "exciting" suggestions did you try? Bear in mind that most "wild" ideas involve a lot of work, or possible pain, or overcoming obstacles for the woman, without a lot of challenge for the man. I posted to my SF blog about what I see as the Sexually Adventurous Disparity http://www.sexforums...rous-disparity/, so check that out to gain a little sympathy for the female side of things. I am not saying that some women do not enjoy some of these acts, but I do think that "wild" men should give a little more care to what they are asking for from their "boring" partners.
Also, how did you present your "spicy" suggestions? Did you say, "Hey, I'm bored; let's have a threesome?" Look around SF at other "I want our sex life to be more exciting" threads and check out some of the suggestions, especially made by those who have experience making their sex lives more interesting. My favorite suggestions include sharing fantasies (which can open discussion as to whether those should stay fantasies or be explored into reality), making Yes/Maybe/No lists as to what each partner wants to try (Yes), might be willing to try under the right circumstances (Maybe), and definitely will not try (No), and sharing erotica/porn/blogs/etc. that feature potential interests.
All these techniques involve a lot of open discussion, and I mean a lot! I don't mean suggesting it once or twice and dropping it when presented with a "No." I mean bringing it up slowly and gently, and not nagging or pushing. And this process can take years. Since you noted that your relationship is four years old and you're thinking of cheating to solve your boredom, I'm not sure that you currently have the patience for this.
There are plenty of threads here on SF that discuss cheating; unsurprisingly, the general consensus is that it is a bad thing. It shows a lack of respect for your partner(s) and your relationship(s). It shows a great deal of selfishness: "My wants trump my commitments." My suggestion for anyone pondering cheating is this: Decide which is more important to you: Working with your current partner, whom you claim to love, to make your sex life what you want it to be (or a pleasing enough compromise), or ending your relationship so that you are free to pursue that desired sex elsewhere.
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:28 AM
I would not get upset, and you know why? Because I've been there. I've been in the position to be bored out of my mind with my sex life. In my case, I tried EVERYTHING to get him to open up and try new things and it just didn't happen. So I told him the truth. He didn't get upset with me, but he also didn't concede to change our sex life at all, nor help me to fulfill my needs. We ended up breaking up, and I have had so much fun sexually over the last two years that I could not be happier. I loved that man; he was all that I ever knew from age 16. But when you're that young when you get together, you're not even fully grown. By your 20's you're actually starting to change and mold into the person you will be.
This post has been edited by ♪♫Lyrical♫♪: Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:28 AM
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:35 AM
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:46 AM
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 12:04 PM
By the by, this doesn't really mesh. "I've never cheated" and "I'm trying to chat up old GFs" isn't a great combination.
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 12:19 PM
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 12:45 PM
Why is it that you jumped straight to involving others in your sex life? There are tons of ways to "spice it up" without bring other people into the picture. Not all girls are into playing with their friends, regardless of what you see in porn. I suggest that you read DE-DarkEyes' post again and actually do some of the things she suggested.
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 01:20 PM
Posted Wed Feb 01, 2012 04:22 PM