the friends with benefits
Posted Sat Feb 04, 2012 02:13 PM
We started having sex at late september and met through a website. At first I heard he had had a sex buddy before me so I was like 'okay we can do this because I have too.' but as it turns out I misheard and that I'm his first fb. By this time it had been 2 months in and we've had sex multiple times and started swinging. He would ask me to go clubbing with him or have lunch/dinner before 'continuing'. We never did any of those things however due to his workload and my resistant to share anymore time other then sex. Trying to keep it simple
We usually meet up at his place and he or I would drive meaning I'd have to take him back or we'd have to get my car from his place. Sometimes when he drives or I drive he tells me that we are going to take the long way to his house which would lag us about 15-30 minutes, but he told me before he likes to 'hang out.' Around late Nov he disappeared on me and didn't contact me for two weeks and informed me, without an apology, about where he was. I mean I wasn't that mad at the time, he flakes on me at least once a week and I had a feeling work swept him away once again. but for two months we didn't have sex since he was out of state and we had contacted each other about twice via email. When he came back we fucked for about an hour (ran out of condoms and it was pretty late). He is now contacting me through his roommate and left for another work business trip upstate.
I have a feeling he is putting me as a psuedo girlfriend without the real benefits of a relationship(he and his fiancee had split four ish months prior to our meet up) and because he is the first person to ever make me cum I think it's the oxytocin in my brain that is creating this 'feelings' for him. He also rants to me about his life/ex-fiancee/hometown shit and once said 'you're the only person that i've told so far.' He talks a lot and one time we were asking for directions so I pushed him aside when he started to babble again and the valet was trying to direct us. When he asked why later I told him why and he laughed and said 'we sound like an old married couple'.
So to prove i'm not strung I want to have sex with another person. Since we are in a fb relationship it should be okay because we agree we weren't really exclusive, we talked about being fuck buddies because it's cleaner then sleeping around with a posee that might have four of their own posees but I wonder if he forgot about that.
However if he is having this feelings (he hasn't been around so I haven't talked to him) I don't want to make him upset because yes I care for him as a friend and he has left hints that he doesn't want me to sleep around with other people.
1) We had a 5 way with his roommate and another couple and after that I sent them both a text saying to come over. Only his roommate was free and two weeks after that my fb mentioned that his roommate is a bit sneaky and seemed a bit protective about the possibility of sharing me with the roommate 'Like dude, she's my fb, what are you doing?' (me and his roommate or not fb, the type of sex he was into was too intimate and loving)
2) During our email exchanges, he asked first if I slept with another one else. At the time of the two month waiting I wasn't sure if he'd be mad or not so I just tried to keep my libido under wrap so I said no and ask him should I have. and he replied with 'hell no I'm glad you waited.' because he waited too.
I know I should have left my feelings at the door and that was my intention but he kinda kept up the connection and eventually it became two way and now it's kinda one way.
So with all that history and nonsense do you think I should just take the chance and fuck another guy or should i wait to talk to him. He's currently on another business trip 'as said by his roommate'. I'd want to talk to the roommate because I don't think he'll lie to me but I don't want to get him involved either because he is 'the roommate'.
Would he also get mad if I hung out with his roommate? We talk from time to time, nothing intimate, just general small talk and he'd ask if I want to hang out. Made it clear it wouldn't be sexual so I thought a nice lunch would be cool. I mean we are kinda friends at this point.
Posted Sat Feb 04, 2012 09:49 PM
Before doing anything you'll have to decide what you want from him. TBH the whole situation sounds kinda fubar. Sitting him down, since you do enjoy his friendship, might be the best thing to do to clarify what you feel might be problems, and so you both can decide what you want. It could also be that it's time to move on from being his FB.
Posted Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:58 AM
I wouldn't recommend having sex with someone else just to prove a point -- to him or to you -- but because you want to. If you want to have sex with someone else, then you are free to do so. That is within the currently defined parameters of your relationship. If not, then that is okay, too; you are not obligated and you do not have to prove anything.
However, you should review the terms of your relationship with your FB sooner than later. It does sound like some feelings -- and more, expectations -- are sneaking in that need to be addressed. You don't want either of you having undiscussed expectations that translate into feelings of betrayal when those expectations are unwittingly not met. If things continue as they are, I see a couple possible (and not mutually exclusive scenarios) lying ahead for you:
1. You do have sex or relationships with others, and he gets angry and jealous because you "betrayed" him.
2. You stay "faithful" and he has an outside partner, and then says you do not have the right to become upset, since you are "just fuck-buddies."
Summary: Short-term, continue following the stated relationship guidelines, which is that of a fuck-buddy relationship. Long-term, get together and reinforce or revise the terms of your relationship.
Posted Sun Feb 05, 2012 04:47 PM
Posted Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:58 PM
My advice - be careful. I think you might be hitting too close to home with this one, and that you need to think about you - and not what these guys think. Protect yourself. Seriously.
Posted Fri Feb 17, 2012 04:06 PM
Posted Fri Feb 17, 2012 07:55 PM
Posted Sat Feb 18, 2012 12:27 AM
Posted Sat Feb 18, 2012 09:48 AM
Posted Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:55 PM
Posted Mon Feb 20, 2012 04:57 PM
You are in a situation where feelings are involved now. That creates drama. You can end it completely, and find another to whom you have no emotional attachment. Or you can try to re-negotiate the current situation. It's not clear to me what you really want here. So I can't give you advice on how to get what you want.
Posted Tue Feb 21, 2012 11:06 AM
Posted Tue Mar 06, 2012 12:14 AM
Posted Wed Mar 14, 2012 02:14 AM