[shadechaser10]

Don't know if anyone feels like helping me just talk about this but thought I would try. I lost my girl i was with for two years overseas. I lost my job and right when i was going to get engaged. Now I am back in the states and broke and cant support her anymore till I get some more work. She had to find someone to take care of her and it breaks my heart. I have been working overseas for 8 yrs and now I am back in the states I don't have anyone to talk too. Maybe I just being to needy, but even to talk to a stranger sometimes can help.

[wingsofdesire]

Hang in there, these sort of runs of bad luck tend to come together but they also do not last. You need to just keep going, work on getting something here in the US, take it one day at a time and it WILL turn around.

[Lovely1028]

She had to find someone else to take care of her? That seems like a rather limited relationship ultimatum.

Hang in there, darling. I hope things work out for you...

[mumbles6978]

I totally agree with lovely1028

[shadechaser10]

I know it sounds bad because she needs to be taken care of. She lives in a third world country and having no one to help her pay her bills is her reality. Maybe if I can get work soon I can salvage the relationship but i know she cannot survive without income and there is no work where she is. I know her only option is to find someone to take care of her or work in a bar and go with guys to make money. I hate to think of her ending up like that and know it would break her heart to do it but lots of girls don't have a choice in that country, i feel like i have failed her and her dream of having a good life. she was very caring and wasn't just with me for the money. She has hung on through some pretty bad times but I know she needs to get on with life if I couldn't provide. Just sucks she lives so far away, if she was here in the states we could get by, we tried to get her to come here but it takes more than a year. It just sucks. Thanks for your words of encouragement though they do mean a lot to me at this hard time.

[ilyushin]

You're being taken for a ride. Where is she? Phillipines?

[Horny Bitch]

ilyushin, on Mon Feb 06, 2012 12:06 AM, said:

You're being taken for a ride. Where is she? Phillipines?

I don't want to come off looking like a bitch but mainly these women are looking for a visa and passport and a free ride.....I hope things will work out for you

[shadechaser10]

thanks for your replies but maybe i didn't explain right the first time. Me and this girl lived together for 2yrs. Its not like i was just sending her money. we were together for along time. When I lost my job i had to come back to the state's. Since I cant support her now she has to find other means. bills don't wait in any country. Its not like she was some bar girl, I know I went through hundreds of them in my time. it's a matter of economics. I wonder how you would feel if you couldn't support the one you loved and she was half way around the world and either of you had no way to help each other. It's just a sad situation. I was needing someone to tell as I don't know anyone where I live anymore. Just a case of love lost due to economics. Sorry if you guy's think I was taken but the situation wasn't like that. Don't worry about looking like a bitch horny I guess I would think the same. But it wasn't like we just met or been together a short time. we were just going to get engaged in april, but when I lost my job it put an end to that. Maybe if I can get work again It will work out but it doesn't look good in these hard times

[wingsofdesire]

三陪小姐, on Sun Feb 05, 2012 11:38 PM, said:

Sorry for your troubles that must be terrible for both of you.

Unfortunatly the reaction you getting is to expected from people who do not know the realities of living in a "Developing country" . The visa process is alot faster now than it was a few years ago, but yes you could be waiting for many months and its not cheap. Also to take that path you need a job/income that meets the "poverty guidelines" for you to be able to sponsor her.

Unfortunatly as you did not marry your only option is a K1 fiancee visa and depending on many factors can be difficult to get. If you want to discuss that futher PM me.
Is there no way you can find another job, ie teaching English, in her country, or even a country that borders her's ?

Although I dont have personal experiece of what your both going through, I know others that do and I certainly emphatize with you both,a horrible position to be in.

Good answer, very compassionate and realistic perspective, I know people in these sorts of situations too. To the OP - I know these types of situations can work out, I've seen it happen. It doesn't happen everytime, but enough that you should have hope. Just keep your spirits up and keep striving.

[backcheck]

If she was that important to you and living in such dispare...and already engaged...why didn't you just marry her before you came back and bring her with you? You're pretty well screwed now. Marrying her would have seemed to be the best route to go.

[littlelui]

why dont you just go back there, shit the economy stinks here, theres no jobs, if you do get one the money sucks and they expect you to be their bitch and slave .

It ain't streets paved with gold here. We aint the immigrant friendly country we like to believe we once were.

[backcheck]

littlelui, on Mon Feb 06, 2012 01:38 PM, said:

why dont you just go back there, shit the economy stinks here, theres no jobs, if you do get one the money sucks and they expect you to be their bitch and slave .

It ain't streets paved with gold here. We aint the immigrant friendly country we like to believe we once were.

Well aren't we a ray of sunshine. Jobs situation is getting better here, long way to go, but it is better. Hell, unless you're talking about Germany or Norway, it's a world recession.

[littlelui]

to this

ilyushin, on Sun Feb 05, 2012 09:06 PM, said:

You're being taken for a ride. Where is she? Phillipines?

to this

Horny Bitch, on Sun Feb 05, 2012 09:38 PM, said:

I don't want to come off looking like a bitch but mainly these women are looking for a visa and passport and a free ride.....I hope things will work out for you

to this

三陪小姐, on Tue Feb 07, 2012 11:11 PM, said:

Even if married they would still have to apply for a Cr -1 spousal visa which again takes months to get (if approved). we dont know the circumstances as to why he lost his job, but If he was in that country on a work visa, no work (job loss ) no visa. Of course he could stay illegally , but we would not want to encourage "illegal immigrancy, would we ?"

As to the point brought up by a previous poster on "visa chasers" yes there are those who do that ,sadly, but not as many as some would like to believe. Probably less than there are "predators" who deceive young girls into migrating to their mansion (read single wide) and not for the married bliss they were promised. So it swings both ways. You don't have to search hard on the Internet to find plenty of horror stories about both.

But anyway what I really want you to think about is the difficulties of migration. It can be very difficult for many of these girls to adjust to living in the west. You probably have some understanding of this as you have lived there. It's like "apples & oranges" the cultures are vastly different. So for a young girl to find herself in a country that she does not 1, understand the culture, 2. may not be even able to speak the language,3, think the food is awful and 4. be thousands of miles away from her family & friends, can be crushing. Many of these relationships fail sadly.

I don't think many in the west understand the meaning of "the family" in the east and the importance it holds, or the obligations it expects from each individual within the family, throughout life. I will give a example which might shine some light on this for those who don't know. Obviously this varies a little from country to country, but the basic premise holds true.

If you are a man, with a gf/fiancée living with you, or you are married, you are expected to "support her" and her family (as you are now part of it ) as needed this is a given, theres no debate on that, thats cultural.

Now here's where it gets tough and complicated. The op understands this and is feeling he is not living up to these expectations (a terrible position to be in ), to compound it he is now there, she is still over here. She has to live,eat, pay her way and remember the east generally is not welfare orientated, so she now needs to work. This is going to be limited by 2 factors her education and her relationships (who you know). If she is poorly educated, from a rural area, her options are going to be very limited.

Now , you could argue, well she just needs to find a local guy to look after her, marry her even. Unfortunately thats very unlikely especially if its known she was living with (or married to) a "foreigner", bogus yes, but unfortunately true. so this is limiting her options more. This is why the OP is concerned about "bar work".

The OP and his fiancée are in a terrible jam right now and I think it would be better for us to support them , rather than throw out statements on "visa chasers".

My heart goes out to you both, I truly hope you find a solution soon, if you or your fianee want to chat talk me. There are some support sites on the net for this I could give you their contact addys.

Hang in there for her.

[Samanthababe]

ilyushin, on Mon Feb 06, 2012 12:06 AM, said:

You're being taken for a ride. Where is she? Phillipines?

reading this remarks makes me upset, we are not like that anyway...

[shadechaser10]

To the people who have negative replies to this post I understand I asked for what ever your thought's were by asking for some input on this matter and I do not hold anything against anyone with those kind of replies. I know from travelling the world that people have a lot of preconceived notions of people from other countries and that is to be expected. I do find it refreshing that the most understanding post are from women of Asian decent. I believe that is why I fell so much in love with my girl. They are very caring and understanding to people in need even though she never met them. I have been to my girls country and seen how they live and not sure the toughest of people in the western world could survive in those conditions day after day. I met her in Kuwait where she had gone to try to make her life better for her and her family which is very noble and what many people must do to help their family in her situation. She was abused by her Kuwait employer's who she worked as a maid and cook . She was sold after three years to another family and kept locked in the house and given worse conditions to live in than her own home back where she come's from. The new family she was sold to never paid her for 6 month's and she ran away the first chance the door was unlocked. The first family that sold her kept her passport, so now she was on the run with no passport and to try to get it would mean going to prison because she ran away and the things they do those girls in prison is unmentionable. I met her by chance one day and fell in love with her. We lived together for two years when one day Kuwait had an amnesty to people in their country who had run from their employers and would let them leave with no prison if they could get a ticket out. She could not even leave the apartment where we lived as she was always deathly afraid of being picked up by the police. I knew I had to get her out even though it meant i might lose her but as from one human being to another I had to take that chance and if I did lose her at least she would be free again and back with her family. I did get her out and I did go see her every chance I got. The company I worked for downsized and I was sent back to the state's. With the economy in the shape it is, it has been hard to find work here. It has been a few months and I know she doesn't want to do what she might have to do and it hurts her inside as much as it would anyone. People are people where ever you go. Our heart's feel the same thing no matter where we are from. We are all human beings and want the best for the one's we love. That is what is so hard in this situation. I hope I have explained a little more in detail so maybe some can understand not all girl's from other places are just trying to get a meal ticket.

[littlelui]

OMG, this is tragic !!! I have heard these kind of things happen, but never first hand before. This can really be a sickening world. I cant imagine what your both going through or have been through, I just hope so much you find a way through it all and become happy together.

[Jesscax]

hey, my inbox is always open if you need to talk.. been through a similar thing & i know the pain.



you'll be okay babe!

[NaughtyAsianGrl]

I agree with the girls you need to go back to her and try to find a job there. The situation in the states is worse than anywhere else in the world, not anywhere but most anywhere.... Go get your girl do not worry about economics you will figure it out together.

[shadechaser10]

Thanks for your kind words Chinese beauty. I am looking into work in her country. I am trying to sell my house her in the states also and that might be a solution, but with the market down I don't know if that will work but I am trying all options at this point. I know most guy's would just find another girl , but when you know you have the the one for you , a person will do anything to not lose it, It's not everyday we can find someone we know we want to spend each day with.

[shadechaser10]

Thanks for your encouraging words NaughtyAsianGrl. I am feeling better that it can work , and you are right it is pretty bad here and I don't see it getting any better soon.