An Article About Olive in Salon.com :) Here's the link for those interested...
Posted Sun Mar 11, 2012 03:52 PM
I wrote a letter to Tracy Clark-Flory, who writes a sex column on Salon, and she actually took the time to post an article about my letter with comments from Cindy Gallop and other sexperts.
Posted Sun Mar 11, 2012 06:55 PM
whats important is thay you have fun
Posted Sun Mar 11, 2012 06:56 PM
words to live by
Posted Sun Mar 11, 2012 10:04 PM
Posted Sun Mar 11, 2012 11:33 PM
I'd love to get the full picture of your thoughts.
Posted Mon Mar 12, 2012 08:37 AM
And don't worry about the future, because you'll always find partners, whatever age you are. Some young men will fuck holes on walls, a pair of cushions held together, rolled up newspapers... I knew of one who'd fuck his fridge (no kidding)... there'll always be a legion of young folks who'd be just too happy to have sex with any woman, of any age, let alone a beautiful woman like yourself. My mother is approaching 70 and she only fucks much younger men (all the old men, her age, are fucking women in their early twenties).
One of my grandmothers (she's dead, now) used to have a lover in his early thirties, and she was 80-something.
I've writen something in a thread of an older man who only likes to have sex with young ladies (and prefers masturbation than sex) that fits here, too. There are so many older men only happy to fuck with very young (legal) ladies, that there will soon be nothing left for the young men to fuck than older women. Now, I fuck men my age, but the "new" ones I find are late thirties. By the time I'll be 80 (if I get there...), I'll be fucking men in their early twenties. If I really don't have a choice, it'll do.
It is our world. Reproduction isn't really important (people live long and the planet can't really handle many more of us). We don't have sex for reproduction. We have sex for fun.
Come to think of it, I don't have children, but I imagine if I had a daughter and if she was 20, she's probably be having sex with men in their 50s. I suppose I wouldn't have really a say in it. And in a few years I'd be obliged to fuck these men's sons.
The world is changing. The world has changed.
Posted Mon Mar 12, 2012 04:13 PM
Thank you Patrick for the encouragement! And thank you for understanding my main concern... I've been single for years already, so I can honestly say that being alone doesn't really bother me. It's the sex really... And yes, I feel somewhat conflicted because I'm not ready to give up on it. It seems many women my age, either in a relationship or alone, have given up already and settle for nothing. Of course the reason can be as varied as the people themselves, but if you look at it... Why would you want to give up on something that's so positive in your life? That is, unless it's not really positive, right?
Posted Mon Mar 12, 2012 05:25 PM
I'd love to get the full picture of your thoughts.
By all means Q.T.! Tracy Clark-Fiory was very encouraging and positive with her response, and yes, she relayed some very good questions. The questions were originally posed by a psychologist and marriage counselor, and I think they're framed more to make me think why is that I've been alone for so long, and maybe to consider the possibility that it's me who's looking for partners who're not available to justify some situation. So, here is the last part of the article with my thoughts following...
Do you consider yourself younger than you are chronologically?
I understand this not in the sense of "feeling" younger than my age, or even "looking" younger than my age. I find some of the answers people my age post around this subject are almost cliché. Everyone claims they "look" or "feel" younger than their age, or that people tell them all the time that they look younger like if those people had above average knowledge of what someone should look at a certain age. Personally, I don't even try to guess people's age, to me that's not a concern.
Having said that, there's this aspect of being a "late bloomer"... My life has gone at a much slower course than for most people. I did look and felt like a child until I was about 20. I didn't have an interest in boys, and for the most part they didn't have an interest in me because I looked and acted like a child. I didn't think like a child though given that I finished university at the age of 21. I actually started having sex at this age too, and to be frank, it hit me like a bomb... I just couldn't have enough of it, and yeah, younger guys were involved even back then in my early 20s.
I was also rather adamant of getting married too young, and that pretty much kept me away from commitment until I turned 34. Then, I had my first child at 36, the second at 39. So, I'd say that I'm a late bloomer through and through rather than someone who "looks" or "feels" younger. My ex was younger than me too about 6 years, and he also has a boyish look even though now he's in his mid-40s.
Are younger men “the same younger man to you”?
Absolutely not! They're all different people, and I've always been careful to put the person before. They talk to me about whatever their interests are, and many of them are very intelligent individuals... I've been with a couple of young politicians, construction workers, artists, musicians, geeks, nurses, entrepreneurs, and of course students... They're all different, but they have something in common. They work a lot and most are very focused on their careers, so they don't have time for relationships, and this is why they tend to specifically look for more mature women. A minority has a "thing" for older women though, and I have a bit of long-term ongoing relationship with them, not necessarily sexual, but more as friends.
So no, I don't see them as the same younger man, and in fact, depending on what they're looking, we may decide just to become friends and not lovers.
Have women been your primary adversaries?
Not in my close circle of friends. Most of my friends know that I date younger men, although I don't go into the juicy details with them. They're generally encouraging and understanding of my situation. They understand that my first priority is my family, and that to some extent, I deserve the "fun" given that being a single parent can be a rather ungrateful endeavor.
However, I read the comments from the different posters, and they really stroke me as somewhat hostile to my situation, and this is both men and women. Men in general posted comments questioning my looks, they just couldn't believe that I would be attractive enough to hit it on with a younger guy. They also were wondering what kind of pharmaceuticals I was taking to maintain a high libido, and they challenged me to be "real" whatever that meant. Women posted comments regarding the young men who "picked me up" as being the sleaze and loser type. Quite mean spirited if you ask me...
Then, a lot of the posters mentioned that the reason why I was seeking advice was because I'm not satisfied with my current situation and that I'm missing something deeper in my life... Like "love" or "marriage" I suppose. It's like these people cannot understand that some women don't mind having sex for the sake of it. Of course, there were posters who gave me the hi-five for doing what I wanted to do. Honest, the comments were just as interesting as the article itself.
Is your guilt a result of society’s disapproval or something else?
No, I don't feel any guilt at all... I don't think I'm the first woman involved with younger men ever, nor I will be the last. Attraction is a mysterious thing that I can't really explain, and in my case, it started when I was young. So, it's not that all of a sudden I feel the thrill of dating people half my age because I'm going through a middle life crisis of sorts.
Do you feel you and the men you’re with are part of some role-to-role mutually disrespecting situation?
Not at all. In general, I'm not into one-night stands, and make it clear that I prefer short-term flings. However, sometimes things don't work either because an emotional connection (not love please) was never established or simply because of sexual incompatibility. I admit that there were a couple of guys with whom I had a great time and I had hoped to keep things longer. With one of them, things ended on a friendly note without major consequences. With the other however, it wasn't so easy... We both got a little emotionally involved, but we stayed as friends in the end, and we have kept sporadic contact for a few years now.
I have sex with men because that gives me pleasure. I don't understand why would I look for situations where I could get disrespected on purpose. I make a point in choosing partners that are polite and respectful exactly because I'm able to enjoy myself in this particular framework. Besides, this is something I keep saying on the boards, I don't have the slightest shred of submissiveness in me, so my personality is not conducive to situations where I could be hurt really.