Posted Sat Mar 17, 2012 03:30 AM
Posted Sat Mar 17, 2012 03:59 AM
Nobody else can decide if your relationship is worth keeping without the sex. The reality is that this is clearly and issue for you, and she has no desire to work with you to fix it. You need to think about what that says about how she feels about you.
It may also depend on how you approach it, and why she doesn't want to be sexual. I know for myself, that even though I am very sexual, if a guy keeps "tabs" on how often he gets something as opposed to when I do, and/or whines about my efforts not being good enough, then I lose interest in doing anything with him... eg: my ex complained after I had my son and the stitching was painful, not that he didn't get sex, because I still tried to do that, but because he could see it was painful and it was making it less enjoyable for him, he wanted me to act more like it didn't hurt so that my discomfort didn't impede his pleasure. (there's a reason he's an ex). I actually got to a point where I told him to find someone else to fuck and leave me the hell alone. And I absolutely meant it.
Are you paying attention to your partner and showing her affection that isn't sexual, or doesn't lead to you trying to turn it in to sex? Many women's greatest erogenous zone is their mind... if they're mentally feeling hassled, pressured or exhausted... they can't get into the right frame of mind to enjoy sex, and begin to see the whole process as pointless. Unfortunately when it becomes a bone of contention between partners, it's a downward spiral.
Would your partner consider counselling to discuss what the two of you can do to reignite the spark, or is she simply not interested in sex at all? If so, what caused her to lose her interest in being sexual. I find also that the less sex I have, the less I want it, but the more I have, the more I want to have. Perhaps she simply needs to push herself into having sex to ignite her sex drive. (Note: I said push HERSELF, that doesn't mean you should push her.)
This post has been edited by MissyM: Sat Mar 17, 2012 04:00 AM
Posted Sat Mar 17, 2012 01:54 PM
Nobody likes to be cheated on, and not many people like cheaters. Be an adult and have the talk.
Posted Sat Mar 17, 2012 08:09 PM
Posted Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:19 PM
i have a high sex drive and she did to or so i thought . talk about being fucking frustrated all the time , its doing my head in .
Posted Mon Mar 19, 2012 08:01 AM
ABSOLUTELY AGREE WITH CHINA HERE FOLKS...FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE SEES THE LIGHT...HOOORRRRRRAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Posted Mon Mar 19, 2012 08:11 AM
I honestly did not read it that way....seems as though it was said out of frustration, anger & resentment. I find with women in general, you have to read between the lines. I would just not assume that it was "ok" because she said " go get it elsewhere" especially if it was said in the heat of an arguement. The OP should confirm that his s/o really meant what she said before acting apon it.
People in relationships seldom mean what they say or say what the really mean. My gut instinct tells me that the OP and his s/o are no different on this topic.
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:10 AM
Yeah, because you should take everything anyone says literally. Be a real man and don't cheat on her. Don't ever take anyone's advice that you should cheat, regardless of the circumstances. If you are considering it, then end the relationship. Don't put her through anything you wouldn't want yourself to go through.
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:51 AM
Well, lets see here. I think real men just might not agree with what you stated here, and in a lot of cases maybe some real women too. If you look at the cross section of posts in this forum, there is a lot going on other than just with SO's. I do agree with you on the last part though. I would have no problem if the shoe was on the other foot as long as it was just so my SO could fulfill his sexual needs...nothing else or strings attached as the saying goes these days.
I can also see what you are saying about things taken for a different meaning at times. When it comes to sex however, after the mountain of posts China has put in here, I'd have to say that she probably really meant what she said. She definitely has a good handle on the sex department. Not certain mind you, I guess she'll have to answer that one herself.
The subject of "sexless marriages" is a hotly debated topic and has been for a very long time. Regardless of how many start out, this is how many wind up. Sad thing is that it seems to be such a one sided thing too, even though everything else in the relationship is more than enough to make it good and worth saving. What is even sadder is that rather than come to a compromise on letting their SO have some, a heck of a lot of folks keep chiming in with ending the relationship as the solution. That is absolutely insane...most have way too much else to offer than to let that happen.
I think really that all these preconceived notions about what is right and what is wrong for relationships needs to be looked at again. Not from outsiders but for those in the immediate relationship. At the end of the day that is what counts.
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2012 06:38 PM
Your girlfriend obviously said that out of frustration, so I wouldn't take it as a literal permission to go and fuck whoever you want. The word is "consent", that is by knowing exactly what the consequences are. The only way to know for sure is if you ask her again, and my impression is that she's not going to be thrilled, and more likely she's not going to want to participate in that.
Sorry, both of you are too young to get into the subtleties of an open relationship... You're 21 and she's probably around that age as well.
In all honesty, I think that people with very high sex drives shouldn't get on long-term relationships of any sort. That only leads to heartache and a lot of anxiety for both parties. You are young, and this girlfriend is probably your first love, so things are probably a little confusing for you right now. It is a problem sometimes when feelings of lust are all mixed with new emotions.
I suggest that you think thoroughly about your situation, where you're at, where you want to be in terms of your own sexuality. Don't spend your youth battling against your urges, otherwise, you'll feel like you've missed a great deal later on.
Posted Tue Mar 20, 2012 08:04 PM
You can be honest with her, which takes more courage than most men have. Or, as Olive suggested, you can move on, and you'll be branded the bad guy, which matters to a lot of us more than we care to admit.
The sting of the breakup will fade quicker than the agony of being in an unfulfilling sex life. You may run around and have a great time with a great many women, then choose one if/when you reach that been-there-done-that point.
But please don't surrender to the whole steady/marriage/kids/divorce/dating/marriage cycle. If you're happy with a lot of women, have fun. If you feel a desire to give it up, take time to be certain why you want to make the change.
Lonely? Call, text, tweet, email- another person is just seconds away. Horny? same thing.
Monogamy became the norm because children and inheritance were coming into popularity. If you do not desire children, if you do not want a partner for making a home or pooling income, what do you want?
What do you want?