Late Bloomer Has Random Choice
Posted Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:08 PM
So, I would define myself as this mix of outgoing, playful, teasing with a good sense of humour. I guess really I am a late bloomer and sort of hitting my stride in a way.
Yet, I still find it tough to look at myself as attractive, but, lately I've noticed more and more girls looking my way and wanting to interact more.
Thing is, I was working from home, for myself the last two years and didn't go out too much... now though, I'm three weeks into a new job in California which I moved half-way round the world for. (I'm American and grew up stateside before high school)
It's so much fun being in an office with people and to make stupid jokes and interact. I've missed that so much and didn't realise it until now.
Thing is, the handful of girls in the office seems too have taken to me.
I find myself in this weird dilemma where two girls in particular want me to, or are waiting for me to ask them out. I think?
I've always been attracted to two types of girls.
The reserved, shy, sweet but internally driven and focused type. Particularly if they are rather dark and sexy and just 'hold' themselves well.
Then to completely flip that on its head, I really like a girl who can give as good as she gets. Even tomboyish. I enjoy teasing people and making jokes and I find if she can give that back and keep up... its fun.
...and that is exactly how I would define each of these two girls.
One is shy and sweet and exciting without much effort, the other extremely outgoing and 'annoying' in a good way.
Both are asian if it helps paint a picture?
The fact I work with both of them poses somewhat of a problem.
I feel in that situation you have to be somewhat, 100% sure what each of you wants, or else it is a disaster. (seen enough friends fuck that up and learnt via them!).
If you want to play along then...
Let's define Girl A
- shy, sweet, driven, focused
- seems to have the same personal goals or values as myself
- tall, slim and extremely attractive, possibly out of my league (though I've never been sure what league Im in so?)
- has made a effort to get to know me (though that is part of her job)
- laughs at every stupid joke I make
- seen her stealing glances at me when she thinks Im not looking
- happy enough to IM me and divulge into random chatter and some jokes where her time allows
- st patricks day evening out with workmates, she asked me what kind of girls I am into (I actually outright told her the contradictory two types I mention above... played it well as she must know I described her, she highlighted some other girl in the office (not girl B below) when I said the more outgoing teasing type... which confuses it. Girls are like that, could just be asking me that question, not for herself but someone else?)
- when I asked her the same question back, she gave the slightly cliched 'a guy with confidence' answer.
- same evening out, she got her twin sister to join us and her friends... met them all, laughed our asses off.
- same night, one of her guy friends from the group thought I was a cool guy, wanted to go for a beer sometime (not got any friends here yet so... we'll see)
- same guy, did ask if I liked her... or asked something related to that (I'm hazy because, I was a good few drinks in an it was 1am at that point in a loud club/bar. Told him I did but, I need to be careful)
- someone at work has already described us as 'close'
- described her relationship status as being single but 'on pause'
- I am maybe 50% - 60% sure she is into me
Then Girl B
- Fun, bright and bubbly, smart, has a good double portion of 'don't give a shit'
- she is extremely random and outgoing, but, its just part of her quirkiness
- has a real playful even teasing streak like myself
- she is slim and petite, cute, perhaps more exotic.
- openly stares at me and smiles
- touches me, jabs me etc
- makes a real effort and has actually insisted I sit near her at lunch etc.
- has essentially invited me out on Friday to go to some club (genuinely told her Im not sure as I get furniture delivered that day... I moved here with only a bag of clothes!).
- not long out of a relationship I think
- openly made a point in telling me she thinks girl A is 'high maintenance' (that was interesting)
- I'm 99% certain she is into me
So, I'm at a loss with this one. Complete lack of experience plays a factor in this.
I'll be honest, I feel Girl A is more of a fit for me in the long run and I could see a good, long term, yet slow starting relationship there.
Girl B, its so random I don't know but, that guy side of me feels it would be a hell of a ride even if it lasted a mere month.
I guess there is no question in this and I'm openly typing like an idiot.
If you feel like digging into this or wish to comment... please do.
Posted Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:54 PM
Everybody makes out.
I dunno, man. I've learned long ago not to pigeon hole people. You might find the kind of chick you always thought was a great fit for you might not really be a great fit...because 2,3,4 years down the road other factors that come into play the require a chemistry that wasn't necessary in the early phases of a dating relationship. In short, the perfect girl on the onset is only perfect because of the conditions of the environment and where you are in both your lives. If that envrinoment changes, and you both start prioritizing differently as life progesses...well, that make the perfect chick no longer perfect.
Girl B who might be a fun ride for a month...who knows where that could go...
Tough call man.
Posted Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:18 PM
I don't think that is an option though.
Some gut feeling says, its one or the other and then all interest dies down from anyone else.
I'm not really a pigeon hole-r, but, there is an obvious divide in personalities that I admire. So, you know.
I think I need something slower and more long-term. Yet, I agree you just never know.
I joke but, Girl B is boardering on crazy territory though.
Good heart in there, but, I get the feeling she goes through guys, not cause she is a tramp but... it burns bright, hot and dies out fast when other factors come into play.
Still, I find her quite sweet even though she clearly makes a lot of other people feel awkward.
I appreciate your thoughts. Thanks!
I need to be careful in work though... it felt, randomly difficult yet exciting today.
Assuming they are both into me and its not all in my head.
This post has been edited by Bolt_Upright: Wed Mar 21, 2012 11:26 PM
Posted Thu Mar 22, 2012 01:12 AM
Posted Thu Mar 22, 2012 09:11 AM
Posted Thu Mar 22, 2012 09:53 AM
You're a good looking guy and I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to run into someone more steady. So, be patient and take your time.
Posted Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:20 AM
Posted Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:16 AM
Thinking about it overnight, theres a lot of stuff I need to do here, to get settled, and get myself in order. (like fill an empty apartment with some furniture!)
I'll just enjoy the fun of it all for now and politely and gentlemanly see where life takes me.
Posted Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:01 AM
Its reminding me a bit of high school... which isn't good.
At lunch, wanted to kind of sit away from everyone for once, but Girl A saw me on my own and came over to sit across from me.
Later in the evening at dinner (we get both at my workplace), I was late and grabbed my food, there was literally only one spot left at the end of the table next to Girl A and across from Girl B.
Girl B outright said in front of people, hey look there is a free seat there next to her, (Girl A) you need to sit there. (*facepalm*)
I need to let this 'cute new guy' thing die down a bit and just concentrate on establishing myself here in my job and in the city before anything else.
This post has been edited by Bolt_Upright: Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:03 AM
Posted Fri Mar 23, 2012 10:50 AM
So, by all means, it's been only three weeks, and it's strange that these two girls are on your case so quickly. Better mind your business for the time being.
Posted Fri Mar 23, 2012 09:07 PM
agree with this. plus if it ends badly then working together after that is going to be very awkward.
Posted Sat Mar 24, 2012 05:18 PM
I agree, with Fanfuckintastic! Do NOT date people who work with you. It never ends up good. Experience has taught this ex wild man that.
You may get sex 2 or 3 times but it can end very badly and your job if its anything at all, is Not worth it. Good hunting there mate.
Try the bars, the grocery store, the laundromat anywhere but work.
Posted Sat Mar 24, 2012 11:38 PM
Just this level of attention is fairly new to me so... hard to discern rational thinking hehe.
I'm sure its come around due to how, personally, my attitude has changed... little older now, added a serious amount of a 'fuck it, who cares' outgoing edge to the very sensitive, compassionate, thoughtful and witty assets I still have.
That has certainly altered things for me the last 2 years or so. Ability to sit in a room of strangers and get them onside, engage with them and in certain social situations make them laugh.
Perception of confidence at the very least.
So seems like whatever 'that' new addition or change in me is, it is a hit here stateside.
Anyway, the problem at hand is still there...
Interesting tid-bit I left out from my original post is... in early June, a good few of us go on a company trip for a week.
Girl A is definitely going, it will be her birthday as well.
Its going to be hard... not just that (), but the situation I mean, if this level of 'titillation' keeps up... more perceived titillation from her, but, its not in my head I don't think.
I was unable to sleep one night this week thinking about it all, but thought through things so far.
With her, I realised how, the day I came in and interviewed a few months back, there was already something going on (hadn't thought back to that stuff... other concerns that day).
I remember in my head going 'wow, she's... yeah, alright...shutup idiot... just shake her hand - *shakes hand*', and her looking me up and down.
Even remember teasing her about an aspect of her name etc when I joined people for lunch. (Yes, I was that bold, yet I was deeply focused).
There's just this aspect to my thinking now that realises I've put work before everything else in my life. Ive felt incredibly depressed at times thinking I was built to be alone. Good at work, shit socially outside of it.
Yet the reason I was alone and felt that way was because my primary motivation and goals at the time never allowed for those things.
I've moulded a career whereby, in my field I am well known and can walk into almost any job. (might sound arrogant but, I've sacrificed a lot to get there)
So, its hard suppressing this new voice in my head, that new aspect within me that is saying 'fuck it, who cares', you have new goals, a job isn't the priority anymore... theres plenty of jobs. Find another.
Yet, 4 weeks in now... I am starting to deeply enjoy the work here, so, theres contradictions of course.
Fun problems! heh.
Posted Sun Mar 25, 2012 12:18 AM
You say in your head it's telling you to fuck it and just go for it but I dont think you should suppress that for work you just need to find someplace else to get it.
Posted Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:51 AM
So, look at the glass half full, and count your blessings. Buy a gym membership, and go have a good workout... It seems, gyms are becoming a major cruising venue these days, so why not? I assure you that's a lot healthier than starting something at the workplace. I have to say also that what you say about that girl A sounds a little odd. Beware of women looking for relationships at the workplace... I think if things happen on their own it's alright, but someone who's actively looking for a partner at work sounds like trouble.
Posted Sun Mar 25, 2012 09:27 PM
It just sort of ...happened, that way... she is the sort of person who is probably thinking the same as me 'wtf is going on?... don't be stupid'.
I will be super careful anyway, so don't worry.
Its just some flirting or friendship at work with a little edge... with both of them.
Nothing more for me.
This post has been edited by Bolt_Upright: Sun Mar 25, 2012 09:35 PM
Posted Thu Mar 29, 2012 02:08 AM
She hasn't been shy in saying she likes me, but I've had to awkwardly pull away from certain situations on occasion.
Is a general 'setting things straight' meet up, the two of us somewhere on a quiet drink away from other people overhearing stuff a good idea here or?
I thought it might be cool, in a non-arrogant way to be this fun quirky guy who talked with Girl A and B but didn't do anything and just chatted, flirted and nothing more.
I oddly admire that Girl B isn't exactly allowing that to happen but I just want to make work be about work without this high school shit.
Posted Thu Mar 29, 2012 06:50 AM
Posted Thu Mar 29, 2012 06:53 AM
Posted Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:48 AM