Descendants of Dionysus - Chapter 1 (part 1)
Posted Fri Mar 23, 2012 08:21 AM
She straddled him below his waist, his long skinny cock throbbing red before her freshly shaven pussy. Rain focused on his shaft wondering how she had gotten here. She didn't know were she was, despite the absurdity of the situation she pushed it from her mind. Lifting her hips she took hold of the mans cock and placed it's head inside her wet lips taking his entire length.
Rain could feel the man's body vibrate with pleasure. "If you cum inside of me I'll beat the fucking shit out of you, you fucking asshole." The words were not her own and the venom with which they poured from her mouth scared her. But somewhere deep inside she believed them and a overwhelming sense of power overcame her.
Rain began to move slowly up and down the stiff cock nearly sliding all the way off at the apex, then taking the slow ride down just before the mushroomed head escaped for her sweet prize.
Breaking rain's singular focus a chair creaked in the far corner of the room. The dark shape of a woman with a glass in her hand sipped an unknown liquid.
Rain turned her head and searched her mind, but the woman's face was hidden in shadow. The mystery woman placed her drink a on small reading table with a clank of glass on wood.
"Keep fucking him, I have to be sure", the shadowy figure said in a low and powerful voice.
Posted Thu Mar 29, 2012 09:10 AM
You do a good job of interlacing dialog with the story which is not always easy to do. You've also left enough "hooks" in place to extend the story on (i.e. how she got there, why she was having sex with him, who was in the corner, why was he tied up).
I would suggest moving it to your blog. Once you post to the forums you can't edit the story anymore. I tend to do that because I'm not a good proof reader. I need to write it and leave it alone for a few days. Then I re-read it and make corrections. But when I post to the forums you can't edit it anymore but on your blog you can.
I will not list grammar errors here but if you want the corrects I see send me a message.
Posted Thu Mar 29, 2012 10:30 AM