"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'."
"What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap."
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."
"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds."
"It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it."
"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L convertible."
"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."
"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."
"My ultimate fantasy is to entice a man to my bedroom, put a gun to his head and say, 'Make babies or die'."