Is he gay? I can't make him happy...
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 03:46 PM
Why I think he may be gay:
-We never had full-on sex up to now, and we’re one and half year together. The first 6 months he acted crazy for me (sexually), but I had «entry problems»(some women can’t get it in). I solved that via hymen surgery, but then he distanced himself physically for almost a year, with only some rare sex games helping me to be patient. A week ago I started crying on him, he said he had an anxiety problem (work and stuff-he almost started crying on me too) and promised to take care of it. Now he seems to have fought his drawbacks and to have all the will to do it, but even if he does, I still don’t know why he seems to want it mainly to keep ME happy. He did tell me he felt bad about it as a man some of the failed times, but now all he's telling me is "you don't deserve such behavior from my side" and "I promise to make you happy every day" as if he won't do it for himself.
-He doesn’t have many friends, the only one I've personally seen all this time is a cousin. And we're talking of a guy who is acting as if I'm marriage material (I don't worry too much about marriage, he's more of a home person than me)
-When he tries to act funny he usually uses female voices and moves. He seems to have a little too much fun joking that way, he does it every time when he's around me and feels relaxed enough to joke. He'd love to play gay roles at the theater too, he has told me several times.
Why I don’t think he’s gay:
-When we’re at bed, he likes to look at my face and feel my body on him instead of just me working «down there». He loves my legs too, and my voice seems to turn him on.
-He hugs and kisses me all the time, he really seems to be the sweetest guy. (He IS warmer when we’re out with friends, but that could be because he’s happier and expresses it)
-Our sexual problems could be because of some problem of him, he seems to have difficulties at ejaculating.
Other strange things:
He doesn't cum in front of me even if he's really hard, he has stopped me a few times I saw he was turned on and I tried to help. And also he sometimes turns me really on kissing me all over my body and stuff, but won't even finger me afterwards, he just leaves me there. Once I begged him into fingering me, and my voice brought his boner back, though. I didn't get if he wanted or not, in the end.
Maybe I should post it at the "gay" section, people there could probably tell me more...?
I don't know what the hell is going on!!!! Please give me some opinions...
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 04:18 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 04:35 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 05:03 PM
Yesterday he came by without programming it, and he threw me at bed, he suddenly took out all the male side of his character again. I'm on my period, so I can't be sure of how far he was actually going to go. He was all like "that's for saying I don't make love to you". Then we spent 2 hours just laying there and talking. I'm almost sure this was because I avoided him the last week, after crying on him and stuff, even went out with my friends without letting him come (every time I go out with friends he's asking me to come with us). In short, I don't know if he was in depression of something and I made him to focus and get up, or if he was afraid to lose the fool who's covering him up.
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 07:10 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 07:24 PM
This post has been edited by Virginia_Heels: Tue Apr 03, 2012 07:25 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 07:42 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 07:49 PM
Nice one though, I never thought about it as an alternative
This post has been edited by Virginia_Heels: Tue Apr 03, 2012 07:51 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 08:11 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 08:14 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 08:44 PM
WOW pghrain, thanks for the long post!
That's a lot food for thought!
Yes, I would accept easily if he has any bi tendencies, no problem. I haven't told him I'm a bi yet (mainly because I'm at the bi-curious border and not a "real" bi), maybe it would be a good idea? We've joked about me cheating on him with girls, at first he said he'd be jealous, after some time he changed saying he'd like to watch (but being jealous sounded a little more genuine). If he were gay and admit it I'd even help him find a good guy, I just want to feel he's happy one way or another. Too hard to happen though, families (and other girls) are not too open-minded here.
The "domestic" theory is a little pushed, interesting though. I've heard of stranger stuff going into peoples' minds, so who knows. Or maybe some unknown part of his childhood has kicked in and halted his action. He's a scholar and has been around too many women at the last years, while studying. Could this play a role?
Well, the fact he doesn't see me as an object is the only reason this relationship exists for so long. I mean, if there was still no sex either, I'd prefer loving him from a distance
I do show love for his penis, maybe more than he shows himself
The fact that he's too shy to even ejaculate, makes asking him to jerk it off a little uncomfortable. I don't know if/how often he plays with himself, either, and there's no way he'll just admit if there's a problem, he just says he's slow to cum. Maybe I'll try to ask him though, who knows, it may work.
This post has been edited by Virginia_Heels: Tue Apr 03, 2012 08:50 PM
Posted Tue Apr 03, 2012 09:17 PM
This post has been edited by Virginia_Heels: Tue Apr 03, 2012 09:26 PM
Posted Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:30 AM
Posted Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:37 AM
Posted Thu Apr 05, 2012 07:41 PM
But remember DO NOT let it reflect upon you in your mind. Have a No Pressure talk with him to see if he opens up and can explain what is going on and if he can't or it's something you can not continue to keep this relationship deal with it then. it has nothing to do with you
This post has been edited by justinp1985: Thu Apr 05, 2012 07:47 PM
Posted Thu Apr 05, 2012 08:15 PM
In regards to thinking he doesn't even masturbate...you may be wrong. I swore to God my husband never masturbated. It seems like he's always around me, or playing video games etc. Well, a couple of months ago I found out that he does it all the freaking time....he's just a total ninja about it lol We had a dry spell, where I was down on myself because I thought he just wasn't sexually attracted to me...like you, no matter what I did he just didn't seem to be interested. We finally had a talk about it and it turned out there were some emotional issues at the root of it. Backstory: We had a pretty traumatic miscarriage a few years ago. On one hand: Since we never use protection, and I prefer him to cum inside of me, he was worried about getting me pregnant and the same thing happening again. On the other hand: He finally got to a point where he really wanted us to have a child (he wasn't very excited last time), but given what happened, he didn't know how to bring it up with me. He was worried that his will to get me pregnant would make it actually happen, and then I would be upset. He actually started crying when he told me all of this and I just started laughing, because I was ready to try again, which was why I was all over him all the time and he didn't get it. So it was a total lack of communication.
Point of the story, we were going through a similar situation where I thought he didn't want me and I actually also thought maybe he was gay or something, and it just turned out that he was so worried about protecting my emotions, he avoided sex altogether......without noticing that THAT was ripping up my emotions.
Posted Thu Apr 05, 2012 08:28 PM
Also, what it finally took to get my husband to finally sit down and have a serious conversation about it was a bit ridiculous. I was so emotionally worn out that I couldn't deal with it anymore......one night when he got home from work, I told him I wanted a divorce since he obviously wasn't even attracted to me anymore. He cried, but it still took him a few days to finally gather up the courage to address everything. He was SO embarrassed to tell me that he masturbated...I was just like "Ummmm....that's normal." lol He was similar in the since that he wouldn't touch it in front of me and he wouldn't cum on me or anything, because that would entail him jacking it in front of me. ........................now he gets super into it. While I'm giving him oral he'll grab a hold of it and do his thing while I'm doing mine...which totally turns me on and makes me get more into it. That one talk really fixed so much!
Posted Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:17 AM
Wings of desire, I SO agree...I'm at the verge of breaking up to tell you the truth...I still love him, of course, but I got myself into drinking and smoking just to bear the whole thing (he knows nothing. I mean, he saw me crying once and he acted as if someone had shot me, imagine telling him the whole thing, he'd probably fall off a cliff or something).
I wanted to break up yesterday, but he looked so worried sick about me when he saw me, and tried so hard to make me happy, that I couldn't tell a thing. We ended up cuddling naked at the bed, where I told him I were at my limits, but that was all. It's so hard to do something like this, when people care for each other, and want to be together...He said we should be together more often till we make it, and he wouldn't go to work till he was sure I was happy. But he also said we should relax, and that I shouldn't make him feel like he's going through exams every time. I'm SO confused right now...
Justinp, that's pretty interesting to hear. Never knew that stuff could actually happen to a young guy. It IS possible that something like this could have happened with his ex, I wonder how could I open a "no pressure" talk about his past, though. Hmmm...
Wow kitty...my guy is smart...but he can't be THAT smart, to act girly for that reason O_o
But you are pretty smart. Seriously.
Asking my guy into masturbating in front of me should probably be the next thing to do. Gosh, every time we meet the last 1-2 weeks I get depressed and start questioning him, he's starting to feel like getting driven to a defensive position and it doesn't help...
Posted Fri Apr 06, 2012 02:17 PM
Posted Sat Apr 07, 2012 07:10 AM
I guess I need some time to realize it's most possibly over... I'll try to get him talk about the ejaculation problem in the meantime, wish me luck...